STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

JoceyBaby23 · Gucci

Abused.. my story.. Poll inside!

tara t · Marc Jacobs

okay, here i go.

when i was in HS, i was in a relationship with a guy who was soo hot ! we had a great time together and all was well. then we went to college; i went to SC and he stayed in PA. i joined a sorority. he was in college and selling drugs. i kind of new, but i thought it was just a bag of pot here and there. i invited him to come to SC for a formal. he came, we went to the formal, had a great time and got drunkety-drunk drunk. one of his friends called his cell while we were at the formal and left a msg that he missed the mother load of coke to sell. i was all " what the f&*k are you doing selling coke?" got into a yelling match and he punched me in the face. one of my roomies saw what happened and ran down stairs to tell the boys in the dorms. these boys beat the shit out of my boyfriend. he left the next day. i have no idea where he went, and i never talked to him again. the boys that beat his ass are still my friends to this day.

nicoley · Coach

Jocey, wow, let me just begin by saying how proud you must be of yourself for being able to tell the story, and for being the bigger person by putting yourself first and realizing that you deserve so much better than that guy! You sound like such an amazing person and it is so sad to hear that you had to go through all that fighting and abuse. But things do happen for a reason I guess, even horrible things like that, And am so Thankful that you are in such a better place in your life now and are with someone that treats you how you should be treated.

Thank you so much for sharing your story, as it may help people that are currently in the situation you once were in.

member · Hermes

Wow Jocey - I just want to say how proud I am of you for having the courage to walk away. That's amazing. You're a strong, beautiful woman and I'm glad you found some who treats you that way

Thanks for sharing your story.

Kiz · Nine West

it's weird, the physically/mentally abusive guy was extremely good looking and had a coke/pot problem. he was in the military prior to me meeting him. for a really loooong time I wanted to see him dead. now I want to see his pathetic self and rub his face in all my success.

small fry · Chanel

well I was in a abusive relationship with my first husbad(son's father). It was not as abusive as yours Joyce and I am so proud of you for getting out and becoming a stronger person . My former husband was very emotionally and verbally abusive. He also had a temper and when we would agure he would call me stupid, dumb and even a bitch. He never hit me, put he did shove me and hold me up against a wall and would yell in my face and say if you was a man I would beat the shit out of you , and i knew he would someday because he has done it before but with a girlfriend (long before me) He was much older than me, i was 18 almost 19 when i meet him and he was 34- he swept me off my feet and than i found out how he was. I know alot of it was because he was abused when he was younger- his adpoted Mom was a mean lady(putting it polietly) so he left the house at 13 and lived own his since than. I do remeber when I was pregant with Chris we was arguring and we yelled at me for leaving a pan of cooking oil on the stove and saying you could burn the house down and going on and on, well he said this because I did before and I thought I turned the burner off and the grease caught on fire and he grabbed it and was going to take it outside and the fire burned his hand- I felt really bad for this I cried and put myself down . So he said you want to know what it is like to be on fire- huh I will show you he grabbed my hand and held it on the stove and threatean to turn on the fire, he did not of course but he did put his cig. on my leg and left a small burn mark. My eyes are getting tears in them and I know I have typos in here, so I will add more to this story later. Oh and the only reason Iam away from him is because he past away in March 2003(sudden sickness) Thanks for listening Belinda

Luv2Shop · Kate Spade

I can't believe from all the stories I have heard how much the signs are the same and the guys fit the bill of an abuser! So here is my story. It is long.

I met this guy through my best friend (who to this day does not forgive herself for introducing us). They worked at Circut City together. I was a senior in HS and he was a freshman in Community college. He was the first guy I dated who had a real job and nice things. He was short, but gorgeous. I think, sorry, I know, he had quite a Napolean complex. Our chemistry was OFF THE CHARTS. I guess I started noticing he was really jealous and that he watched a lot of porn. I just had the "that's what guys do" response to it. Then I started to meet his friends. They were all womanizing, asshole, total losers who thought they were sooo funny and sooo hot! I couldn't believe that all of my fabulous, hot boyfriends friends were all losers. Well, later on I realized that my boyfriend had really bad self esteem and control issues so he needed to fill his life with people who he was "better then" who would do whatever he told them. They all started going to strip clubs and partying together and I would get upset and I started to confront my bf about it. Well, that's when I discoverd his confrontational side. The funny part is I can't remember many of our fights, I think I have blocked them out. I just remember he would get so mad, not screaming mad (although he did that too) just boiling mad!

When I would get mad at him and confront him, he would turn it around on me and accuse me of cheating and call me names and check my cell phone and email and all those kinds of things. Then he started to keep me from seeing my friends. I spent all my time either at school, or with him. When it was good, it was wonderful, and when it was bad, I was terrified. He started pushing me around when he would get mad. My parents and friends knew he was at least emotionally and verbally abusing me, and I started getting really distant with all of them because I wanted to "save" our relationship. My parents sent me to consuling because they couldn't understand why I was with him and crying and upset most of the time. I was normally a very strong independant girl. I would get so frustrated defending him to everyone it made me even more angry at him, which really made things worse. He would get so mad that my parents were trying to keep me from him he would punish me for it.

Well our relationship was terrible, and there were several occasions where he would follow me and I had to call the cops a few times, but never pressed charges. But, one night was the worst. I ACTUALLY went out with my friends and he was furious. When I came home he was waiting on my street in his car at like 2 am. I don't know what I was thinking but I parked where he was and he literally came up to my car and pulled me out by my hair and threw me into his car. He was probably drunk. He was driving like a maniac and I was so scared! He made me call my friends and tell them I would never see them again, they were so scared for me. He kept hitting me and driving so fast. Then, I will never know why, he took me to his house and we went inside like nothing happened. He was insane!! I tried to open his parents door without him noticing, but it was locked. I tried his brothers and ran in and woke him up. I jumped on his bed and was screaming "don't let him touch me" and my bf was like "what, I didn't do anything to her" It was so strange, my hair was messed up and I was sweating and shaking and he actually stood there calm and cool and said he didn't do anything. Well his brother stayed with me while I called my parents to come get me and they took me home, surprisingly not to the police station. I called my friends to tell them I was ok. I thought I was going to die that night. After that I saw him a couple more times, but after that I just started to really see what he was like and really took myself out of the situation. Thank God!!

A few weeks later he was arrested for statatory (sp?) rape of like some 15 year old girl (he was 22 at the time) and I was soooo glad I was rid of him!

The one thing I really regret was how badly I treated my parents and let myself be in that situation when they tried so hard to show me and help me. I have still to this day (7 years later) guilt issues with my parents and what I put them through. We have a very strong relationship again, but I will never forgive myself for that. I think the abuse and being in that relationship just made me stronger and luckily I came out of it having learned a lot and wanting to help others in that situation. But it's hard because having been a part of something like that, I know how manipulative those kinds of people are and what it can do to your mind. I will gladly give advice to anyone who needs it.

P.S. his Dad and grandfather were EXTREMELY abusive and he totally looked up to both of them. HINT!!!! I should have seen it coming.

-- Edited by Luv2Shop at 17:56, 2005-12-14

Luv2Shop · Chanel

Luv2Shop
wrote When it was good, it was wonderful, and when it was bad, I was terrified

This is so true and this is how it was with mine. He was controling and I found myself depressed and being who he wanted me to be. I walked on eggshells alot of times around him I was quiet and was distance to other people and it showed on my face because others asked me about it but of course I never did tell them the truth. I was always doing stuff to make him happy because I thought if I did this we would not agure and get into a big ordeal.

-- Edited by kaykay at 23:09, 2005-12-15

Sandy · Kate Spade

First of all, I'd just like to say that this is an AMAZING group of women we have here on ST. I don't really know what else to say about hearing all of these stories: you are all amazing.

Although it's not as intense as some I've read, here's my story:

Freshman year of hs, I had very low self-esteem. I was going through my awkward phase in which I couldn't find my niche. My first real boyfriend was a character, let me tell you. He had dated my friend before we dated (of course I had her blessing), so I thought I had a pretty good idea of what his personality was. He's not the best looking guy, he's not in the best shape, he's not the sweetest guy-- none of that mattered to me. I was just excited that someone, anyone would pay attention to me.

He started calling me on the phone at night, and he got to know me really well. He'd ask me question after question and I'd gladly answer. I still to this day know hardly anything about this boy. Things were wonderful at first. I thought he was the best thing since sliced bread... he was wonderful. He broke up with me suddenly, after about two months, but he didn't stop calling me. He said that he just didn't want a girlfriend right now, yadda yadda yadda. That lasted for about a month, then we were "official" again. We were together through the summer, though I hardly saw him, and he broke up with me on the first day of my soph year. He wanted to be single so he could go out with a cheerleader. He played football (well, he stood on the sideline and watched the other kids play football) and he said that I wasn't good enough to be with him anymore.

I'm not sure when it happened, but he had total and complete control over me. We weren't together anymore, but he made it clear that I wasn't "allowed" to be with anyone else. He managed to find out when I would talk to any boy, and he'd make me feel like crap for doing it. He'd say that he still cared about me and it hurt him that I was getting over him. He said that he wanted me to wait for him... that he wasn't ready to be with me but that he didn't want to be with anyone else. Eventually the guilt trips turned into insults. He'd tell me not to waste my time talking to other guys because they'll just realize what a dull bitch I am and dump me, then I'd go crawling back to him. He said that I'd better wait around for him, because I was so fat and ugly that nobody in their right mind would want to be with me-- that I was lucky that he looked past all my flaws and liked me anyway. Actually, I think that I'm very nice (almost to a fault sometimes), pretty cute, and I was definitely not fat (my highest weight in hs was 103).

I guess I can't say that he cheated on me, because we weren't together, but... he was hooking up with me and with my best friend at the same time. She knew the situation and did it anyway. Needless to say, she is not my friend anymore. I knew that I shouldn't take that kind of bs from my friends, but I was too caught up in him to realize that I should have let him go, too. I went out with a few boys here and there, but I would always tell him the situation (and stop the hooking up, of course)-- he'd say that I was cheating on him. He could do no wrong, and I could do no right unless I agreed with him.

He broke me down... so much. The fights were really bad. He was the King of low-blows. He made me cry Every. Single. Day. for a year. By the time he was done with me, I didn't want to be here anymore. He made me think that he was right: who could possibly love me? I lost several friends because he didn't want me to talk to them anymore. I thought he was watching out for me, when in actuality, THEY were watching out for me. Everyone knew what a jerk he was except for me. He was my first boyfriend, the first boy who really cared about me (and I use "cared" very, very loosely) so I thought that everything we went through was normal in a relationship. I didn't realize that he was emotionally abusing me until a lecture in health class... my teacher was giving us the warning signs of an abusive relationships, and it hit me-- "OMG I'm being abused!"

Even though I knew this was an unhealthy relationship, I couldn't get out. I wasn't strong enough. I wish I had a better ending to this story that showed what a strong woman I am and how I overcame disaster to get out, but I don't. The reason that I cut the strings was because he got a girlfriend. He wanted me to be the "other girl" but I said no way. He is still with her, and I pray every night that he treats her better than he treated me.

Stephanie · Chanel

Stephanie wrote: I wish I had a better ending to this story that showed what a strong woman I am and how I overcame disaster to get out, but I don't. The reason that I cut the strings was because he got a girlfriend. He wanted me to be the "other girl" but I said no way

let me say you are strong for not staying with him when he wanted to be with another girl, and you are strong and brave to post your story here, because it took me almost 13 years to talk about mine. Talking about it somehow makes you stronger.

-- Edited by kaykay at 23:10, 2005-12-15

sephorablue · Marc Jacobs

I have such admiration for all of you for getting yourselves out of those horrible damaging situations, and am so, so happy for those of you who have found the loving, rewarding relationships you deserve. and thanks for being brave enough to talk about it with the rest of us.

blubirde · Chanel

All of you are so amazing! I'm so proud to be part of a community with such strong, beautiful women.

My story is not nearly as devestating as some of the ones shares and it took me a long time to even admit it was an abusive relationship. He and I started dating the summer before I went away to college. Everything was fine until my third (and last) year in college. He got interested in another girl but told me it was just a friend thing. I completely trusted him and believed him. He never physically treated (she wasn't interested in him) but I became a second class citizen. None of this rose to the level of abuse, although it wasn't fun. We somehow managed to make it through, mainly by me giving away all my dignity but whatever.

Later that year I found him naked in a bathtub with one of my best friends. He was really, really drunk and incredibly out of it. So was she, for that matter. It was terrible. I don't think I've ever gotten over it really. I made up with him the next day and chalked it up to him being drunk. He said that it was kind of my fault because we didn't have enough sex. I believed him and thought if I treated him better, he wouldn't need to go elsewhere. At that point, my actual friends started getting suspicious and asking me to think seriously about the relationship and whether it was worth keeping. I started putting distance between them and me because I didn't want them to hurt my relationship with him.

Over the next year and a half, he repeatedly blamed every thing that went wrong in his life on me. He was jealous of my friends, my time spent away from him, everything. The sad part about everything is that I started to believe all the bad things he said about me. I actually believed that his life was miserable because of me. He didn't do well in a class because of me. He was depressed because of me. He didn't experience certain things because of me. Because of him, I thought I was a horrible person who only annoyed/angered/saddened/brought down other people. My self-esteem was the lowest it's ever been. I can't even get into the things he used to say or how angry he used to get because I don't want to relive them. He never physically touched me, although he did punch a wall a few times.

We finally broke up because I couldn't take him anymore. He was so hateful to me and treated me like shit. I felt like shit with him. And I didn't even realize that I felt so awful. I thought everything that was happening was because I was so terrible. After we broke up, he wanted to remain friends. (Or something.) It took about three months but I finally got up the nerve to tell him I didn't like him and I didn't like him because he treated me so badly and why would I be friends with someone who made me feel as awful as he did. (These revelations only came after many crying sessions with a few good girlfriends.)

The worst part of being in a destructive and abusive relationship is not the relationship itself, although that's bad. It's the aftermath. I still deal with issues relating to him. If a boy and I get in a fight, I always assume it's my fault and I've done something wrong. I'm constantly afraid the boy I'm dating now will wake up oen day and realize what a bitch and horrible girlfriend I am. (I'm not and I know anyone would be lucky to be with me but sometimes it's difficult.) I spent a couple years being terrified to look at the opposite sex for fear that they would see what an awful person I was. (Again, I'm not but I thought I was.) Ugh. I don't hate boys but a few bad experiences at an impressionable age can really fuck a person up.

I completely lost my identity. I turned myself into a pretzel trying to be who and what he wanted me to be. I just lied there and took all the terrible things he threw at me. I'm not proud of it but I know it's helped make me the strong person I am today (with a few exceptions). And it made me learn what not to do in relationships. Now I tell my BFFs everything there is to tell. I don't want to ever be in a situation where I feel so isolated again.

I guess I'm done now.

Thanks for starting this thread jocey.

small fry · Chanel

bluebirdie wrote I completely lost my identity. I turned myself into a pretzel trying to be who and what he wanted me to be. I just lied there and took all the terrible things he threw at me. I'm not proud of it but I know it's helped make me the strong person I am today (with a few exceptions). And it made me learn what not to do in relationships. Now I tell my BFFs everything there is to tell. I don't want to ever be in a situation where I feel so isolated again.

Bluebirdie you took the words right out of my mouth-Iam a stronger person because of the shit I went through and my husband now , he and I have a great marriage iam very open and honest with him.

laken1 · Hermes

blubirde wrote:

The worst part of being in a destructive and abusive relationship is not the relationship itself, although that's bad. It's the aftermath. I still deal with issues relating to him. If a boy and I get in a fight, I always assume it's my fault and I've done something wrong. I'm constantly afraid the boy I'm dating now will wake up oen day and realize what a bitch and horrible girlfriend I am. (I'm not and I know anyone would be lucky to be with me but sometimes it's difficult.).

Wow blubirde, I have done this all my life & still do & I honestly didn't realize it until I read that you wrote this. What am I blind?

Thanks everyone for sharing - I know it's really hard. SOOO, here we go. I do want to say that my IRL friends don't even know this whole story. And the only reason I'm putting it out there is in hopes that it helps somone else.

When I was 19 I started dating a guy who was 29. I moved an hour away from my family, transferred colleges, etc to go live with him. Shortly after I figured out that he "casually" used coke (what a pattern, huh?). As time progressed, so did his drug use & to be honest, mine as well. I'd never even smoked a cigarette before I met him, much less done any drugs! ANYWAY. He was extremely verbally abusive, telling me that i was fat & no one else would ever want me, much like the other stories here, I was beautiful & terribly thin (hello, coke!). I did whatever he wanted, dressed like he wanted me to, even kept his kids while he went to strip clubs - that was probably one once but it sticks out in my mind as one of the stupidest moves ever. He never hit me but he did push me against a wall & punch the wall, grab me a lot, that kind of thing. Well, he worked as a finance mgr for a car dealership & I later found out that he & another guy took $7,000 that someone used as their downpayment to do a drug deal. It apparently went bad & they got caught. They had covered it up for a while & he went off to work in another state. I was at a party & someone told me about the $$ stuff & that he was in trouble because we were still dating, I'd go see him & stuff but he wouldn't come back because he knew he'd be caught. After that the cops came to my apartment to ask about him but I wouldn't talk to them. Then they came to my work. I told him all of this & he told me that I was the only person in the world that really knew where he was & if they found him that he'd kill me. And I totally believed him. He had SUCH rage issues, that were only compounded by the extreme drug use. I eventually called the cops & told them where he was because I was tired of it all. He ended up turning himself in because he had it figured out where he could be bailed out but as it turns out he wasn't paying child support either so he ended up in jail for 4 months. After that he stalked me, would block my car in at my apartment, etc. I really don't know how it all ended. I think like luv2shop I've blocked a lot of it out. It was such an awful period in my life that I don't like to visit there. It's been 14 years & to be honest, I still don't think I deserve to have someone wonderful in my life, even though I'm extremely fortunate that I do. But it's been a long journey through a lot of rotten men that even though they weren't right for me, I always thought at least they were better than this guy, you know? Not a very good bar to set so I think it's haunted me through all the men I've met.

Which is why I am telling this story. It DOES make a difference who you date. It does matter if you put up with less than you deserve even for a short while. And we all deserve SO much more than that.

-- Edited by laken1 at 09:53, 2005-12-15

Collette · Chanel

I too was in quite a few bad relationships, starting with my father. Though I am not ready to share mine hearing yours makes me realize I was not weak. We are not weak. They are. We are strong, stronger than they ever expected us to be. My mother always said " It's easier to stay than leave" and she's right. There is nothing harder than walking out that door for the first time knowing you're not coming back.

Often is these relationship family was the first prison. Truly the hardest thing for me was to forgive. Give. Forgive. Beautiful, beautiful words. Astounding words. Winged words. Breath of God words. Float upon the sea words. May you live forever words.

After so many of these relationship I just believed that attachment to a mortal can only bring sorrow. I allowed them to totally consume me or dictate my pace and logic/reasoning. It's terribly unwise to build to much of your own life around one person. My heart just kept saying "so far, so good" and that is how I allowed myself to love them.

I will never bind myself to someone for the sake of fearing that no one else will come along, or noone else will ever make me feel that way again. That's bullshit. I had to tell myself that I would NEVER allow another person to consume so much of me. That can be vampiric--you can fall under their spell and drain yourself for them, only to be left with nothing for yourself. People disappoint, in a sense we've always got to be vigilant about that.

That's not love. As a child drawing a heart- that can be the first serious thing of that particular little life. That's when a child starts to form this innocent belief of what love is, what it looks like, wht color it bears; we gradually lose this all as we grow older-- we become more demanding o what love is defined as, and we just cna no longer bear to accept that love is as simple as a form drawn in crude red ctayon on construction paper.

Sorry I went off there, I tend to do that.

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

Wow. I don't even know what to say. I'm crying right now. And feeling really inspired. And really happy I'm not as alone as I thought I was. Was anyone else afraid to share because you were worried people would still agree with him? I wrote my story down twice and both times edited it to crap going "they're going to think I'm crazy like he said..."

Anyway, my ex was just like all the others, but in a more insiduous way. He didn't berate me openly, he'd be like "well, everyone knows how emotional you get Dizzy. Just calm down and we'll talk about it." Or "I know my friends say you're not good enough for me because of your childhood, but it doesn't matter to me." And he would never do what I asked. Whatever I wanted, big or small, was always the one thing that he absolutely could not do - even if it was his idea in the first place! And when he asked me for something, and I did it, it was never good enough. He would be like "I shouldn't have had to ask." Or he'd even pretend he'd never asked for what I did at all. Money was another weird issue. My money was for the bills, but his money was for HIS entertainment. He wouldn't even buy me coffee or somethign with his money. I was paying way more than my share of our living expenses, but somehow he convinced himself I was this constant drain on him.

The sick part was all of my friends and his friends thought we had this awesome relationship. In a way, I convinced myself too. On the outside, we looked perfect. But eventually he started drinking way too much. He was drunk all the time, and that was my fault too because I never listened to him and always put my job first and all these other crimes he would list every time he saw me. He was also cheating, and denying it even though 1) one of his friends told me where he really was when he'd said he was at work, told me he was there all the time and that I should go, and all but said what he was doing, and then I found them there together 2) the girl really shoved it in my face and 3) oh, you know, I found indisputable physical evidence! But I sort of blocked that out and pretended that since he hadn't admitted it I didn't really know.

Then he started pushing me when he was drunk. It was hard enough to leave bruises, although he never hit me. After the first time, I told him he had to go to counseling. After the second time I begged him to go to counseling. After the third time, I filed a protective order and STILL told him he could come back if he went to counseling. He didn't go to counseling because "that is just bullshit you're making up when really the whole problem is you." He even found a book about borderline personality, highlighted it, and mailed it to me ON MY BIRTHDAY to prove he was right and I was just makign things up and blowign things out of proportion. It's weird, but I'm still sort of worried that's right. The judge at the protective order was awesome, though. The way he looked at my ex when the tears and excuses started really made me feel like I wasn't the crazy one. It helped a ton.

The weird thing is, I think I might never have filed the protective order if he hadn't forged checks on my student loan account to get BEER. I found out the day after the third time he pushed me down. It was so blatant, he'd promised he wouldn't touch that money and told me with TEARS in his eyes (I may never be able to be with a guy who cries again, btw, it makes me sick now) that he wanted me to use my student loans just for my education and he would use his salary to pay for our living expenses because he knew how hard I worked to get into law school and blah, blah, blah. Then he wrote those checks, and he KNEW he was going to get caught. He just thought I wouldn't do anythign about it. I had to file a police report, and he is such a good liar he somehow convinced the police he had access to an account in my name only to "pay bills" (like he'd ever paid ONE BILL OR DID ONE RESPONSIBLE THING IN OUR ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP) and so it wasn't theft. And I couldn't get the money back. I don't know why that bothered me more than the physical stuff, but I think because it was black and white, and I had proof, and I caught him in a direct lie. And it proved to me that he didn't mean the sweet things he said. It showed me what he really thought of me - that i was a sucker who would put up with anything. (that was so hard to write) So something clicked and I got out.

I think the hard part was admitting that someone I loved did not love me back. As long as there was a little bit of deniability, I wanted to stay. Once I saw that the things he said were obvious lies, I couldn't pretend anymore.

Anyway, I didn't have to be one tenth as strong as the other women here, but it felt good to write this down. Thanks so much to every incredible woman who makes this board what it is.

bex · Chanel

wow girls... thanks for sharing. its good to know that i'm not alone...

i don't think i could write my story without losing it and wallowing in it for days thereafter.

therefore- just know that it was bad... and i finally walked away... and its been over 4 years but i still think about it on a daily basis... but if i think about it too much, i let it wash over me and i fall into a black hole that takes a while for me to pull back up out of...

small fry · Chanel

AMEN , WOMEN UNITE! Eveytime some else writes their story there is something in there that pretains to mine but somehow I just buried it deep down and forgot about it.

Dizzy you are strong , just by sharing your story this is the first step.

-- Edited by kaykay at 23:11, 2005-12-15

NCshopper · Hermes

Wow. Thanks, Jocey, for starting this thread.

I just want to say thank you to all the women who posted here. You guys have really opened my eyes about abuse. I have to say that I've never personally dealt with it, and neither have many of my friends (that I know of). I guess the rational part of me has always understood to some extent that abuse can happen to anyone, but I don't really think it was until this thread that I really "got it." I guess I always thought that there was some sort of attribute that women have that make them date abusers, but just by the diversity of the people that posted here, that's obviously not true in the slightest. And, just to further prove the point, my 65 year old mother-in-law is currently dealing with an insanely fucked up person who has been pretty emotionally abusive. So, if there's anyone thinking that there's an age limitation on abuse, think again.

Thank you ladies for opening my eyes about this. Seriously. You all are so great in your own individual ways and I'm so sorry that someone once made you believe otherwise.

Kiz · Nine West

Dizzy wrote:

Was anyone else afraid to share because you were worried people would still agree with him?

I was afraid to share because I thought people might think less of me - like I was stupid for "putting up with it." I know better, and I know a lot had to do with a fragile self-esteem, and that I "loved" him. but a lot of people don't understand how someone could allow themselves to be abused... I just didn't want to be judged.