STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

gypsyfreak · Coach

How do you deal with people meddling into your love life?

esquiress · Marc Jacobs

just don't respond to the email. if she comes out and asks you face to face just smile, nod and change the subject. keep doing this no matter how much she pushes. if you have to, tell your mom to tell her to leave you alone.

sheesh, i don't think i've ever given such passive aggressive advice but family is tricky and family matchmakers are especially tricky. the thing is, any response you give will probably be repeated by her and however you word your response, if the bottom line is no, she may take offense and describe you as "too picky" to anyone who'll listen. especially if you don't like her, because chances are you don't like her for a reason and if she doesn't have your best interests at heart, why dignify her unsolicited meddling with any kind of response?

gypsyfreak · Coach

esquiress- thanks for the good advice. I know with the e-mail I can just pretend I never received it or accidently deleted it. But I will see her over the holidays for sure, which will make it difficult to avoid her. I'm just afraid that she's going to corner and confront me with this. I'm sure she's trying to be helpful in her own way. It's just that I do not trust her judgment. She barely knows me because we're not particularly close, and yet she thinks she knows what's best for me.

Deuce · Dooney & Bourke

I vote for a very matter of fact no thanks I am not interesed. If she continues to press tell her that you are sure he is unbelievably nice but you are not interested and walk away. Ask her to let you find your own men when you are ready.

So Sorry, My mom is constantly trying to set me up with "nice redheaded boys" from her church. She likes redheads (I am one), but I do not. I have finally started to tell her that she should date them cause I am not gonna. end of story. She drives me nuts sometimes, good thing I love her.

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

I know this feels weird, but you DO NOT have to respond to people if they are out of line. It's totally acceptable to set a boundary for yourself. They can recognize it or not, but you know it's there, and they can't make you do anything. Does that make sense? People like this make you feel like you have to respond, then they hammer at your response until you want to kill yourself. This just doesn't have to happen.

It will feel odd, but just be light, calm, polite and refuse to be drawn in. This is none of her business. You don't have to discuss it. She can't make you. She is the one out of line here, and you don't have to coddle her (maybe discuss this with your mother first, so you'll have some support). then just keep changing the subject until she gives up. Don't get frustrated. Don't react. And don't let her control the interaction.

Andrea Julia · Coach

I think you should tell her you are not interested. I think you owe it to her to tell her this once since she probably thinks she is doing good. Since you are her family, she should be more loyal to you than some guy. I could see if it was a woman you knew and it was her son, but she has nothing to lose by you not going out with this guy. I would say that you are not interested and depending on how close you are, you can say you are dating (if you think she wouldn't know any better) or that you just want to let things happen naturally and blind dates make you uncomfortable (if she knows you too well for you to say you are already seeing someone or a few someones). Whatever, you decide to do, I would make it clear that you wouldn't be interested in being set up in the future either so she doesn't find more guys to set you up with.

If she does this again, then I would ignore the e-mails and if she mentions it in person, say no thank you. If she persists, she is just being rude, and you would be totally justified in walking away or continuing to say no thank you to all her objections.

NCshopper · Hermes

I would ignore this e-mail. If she broaches the subject of setting you up with someone during the holidays, I'd be polite, but direct. A "No thanks. I appreciate you caring about me, but I prefer to find a guy myself" should do the trick.

ETA: Hehehehehehe...I just totally thought of the bitchiest move ever. You could reply to her e-mail and say great! Send him my picture! And send this:

-- Edited by NCshopper at 12:32, 2005-12-14

-- Edited by NCshopper at 12:33, 2005-12-14

JackieO527 · Dooney & Bourke

I would tell her while you know she means well, you are just not interested. she shouldn't have a problem with that!

gypsyfreak · Coach

Thanks everyone for all helpful suggestions.

I've told her a few times in the past that I am not interested in being set-up. She obviously hasn't gotten the hint. She's being very persistent with this. I've also just learned that she has gotten my mother to go along with this. Argh! This is so frustrating. I really want to tell her to leave me alone, but I feel like I can't do that without offending her. I going to try to go with the passive aggressive route as esquiress and Dizzy have suggested. I'm just not sure it will be effective. Most likely and knowing her, she will probably try to set me up with a different guy.

I forgot to add that this is the second guy she has tried to set me up with. The first one didn't pan out for some reason.

NCShopper- that picture is hilarious. I wish I could send that to her, but I'm not that brave. She will surely get p*ssed at me if I sent that to her.