STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

the boy and i got in a tiff over the weekend because he was going the wrong way on the road and i was telling him the right way (even though he knew what the right way was and just mistakenly turned the wrong direction). my fault - i was just anxious to get on the road and was irritated we were taking longer by him going the wrong way.

on my part, i try to keep my mouth shut. i have a tendancy to run on and on about stupid stuff, so i just try and keep little things from spilling out. i try to treat him like i'd treat a friend, not a family member. (if that makes sense.)

but making up is always so much fun isn't it??

We generally keep the arguing to a minimum and only really argue about the "big" issues.  We both do things that irritate the other, but for the sake of our sanity and our marriage, I think we both pick our battles.  I think if you end up making a big deal over the little stuff, then the big stuff doesn't have any weight.  Cleaning and every day kind of stuff isn't a big deal to me, so I try to let it go.  It doesn't mean I'm a doormat though--I'll tell him when something is bugging me, but I guess I just try not to make a big deal out of it.

I think the last time that we had a big blowout fight was almost two years ago.    It's not to say we don't bicker about things every now and then though--I'm pretty ruthless when it comes to his driving and his wardrobe. 

tri_sarah_tops wrote:

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   Sometimes when I bring up something that bothers me he acts like he's really not doing anything wrong and that I'm only upset because I'm too sensitive.  That's what really makes me mad. 

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That is just like us, too!

We argue over stupid things like who's turn is it to walk the dog, him leaving dishes or glasses in the bedroom, him leaving wet towels on the bed! Typical couple stuff I'd say.

Rarely do we ever have a "real" fight. I pick my battles though, there are alot of things that bother me that I never bring up. I'd rather fix the problem myself (ie: take out the garbage myself) rather than nag him until it becomes a fight. I guess he's lucky in that way b/c I hate to nag so he gets away with a lot.

Elle wrote:

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 Does anyone else feel like they have to have a big crying break-down to make them realize that you're serious about something that they find trivial?

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Sometimes I'll feel this way.  My husband is EXTREMELY chatty and likes to play around.  One time he was driving me crazy in a store and I had asked him like three times to please stop.  He kept doing it because he had no idea how much he was driving me crazy (I can't even remember what "it" was now, but I can guess he was probably pinching my ass or something obnoxious).  I felt like screaming at him so that he'd get it, but instead I said "I don't know what else to do.  I've asked you nicely to stop."  And he got it.  Now, all I really have to say is "I'm asking nicely" with the "I'm going to kill you" look in my eyes and he knows he's crossed the line.  Haha...it sounds like I'm describing a puppy or a 3 year old.  My DH is great though.  I just think sometimes men and women think they're communicating and somehow things don't end up translating well from one sex to the other.  I've found that this works though.

elle, i think you hit the nail on the head.

i honestly feel like i have to create an ordeal for butthead to even realize that something is bothering me.
and i think that's what i was getting at when i posted this thread !
it kind of chips away at my confidence in our relationship.  but after our tiff last night, of course i was the overly dramatic girlfriend.  but this may have been about the 10 th time we have talked about it.  but those situations we a bit calmer than the ordeal last night. 

i remember one time with the childish butt grabbing while walking up the stairs.  i had asked him stop a million times.  i finally had to sit on the floor and say "butthead, this has got to stop.  i don't know how else to tell you but i think i'm going to throw a naomi campbell like tantrum next time this happens"  and then he still did it.  how does a girl solve these issues?

Now you know I don't mean this in a selfish, awful way - but I'm so glad other people feel the same way!  As I was writing it, I felt like people were going to be like "Oh, that poor Elle.  She must have a real a$$ for a boyfriend!  Maybe they should go to therapy because that really does not sound good.". 

I honestly feel like if this issue was addressed in therapy, the therapist would have some official 'phrase' for you to say when you are serious and have reached your limit with something.  Something terribly grown-up and practical, a no-nonsense can-argue-with-that kinda thing.  I think that between all of us intelligent girls, we should be able to come up with something like that, no?  Who wants to start!

Um, yeah.  We've been using "F*cking knock it off right now!  I'm f*cking serious.  F*ck!"

Usually accompanied by me scowling, giving the Look of Death, and stomping off.  I'm sure I don't need to tell you how that's working for us ....

yeah but here's the thing, and sometimes i have this problem with friends too (one in particular)

when someone cares about you, and you tell them to stop, shouldn't that be it?  it is my pet peeve when i ask someone to stop doing something and they continue.  nothing grates my nerves more!  what is funny about doing something that you know bothers someone else?  how old are we?

I guess - I think it's different though than saying something that might offend, or being really honest ...

i don't know - it's hard for me to verbalize what i'm thinking, but it just seems plain juvenile to keep doing something someone has asked you to stop doing.  you are either very forgetful (in which case you need some gingko biloba) or you are just rude and inconsiderate. 

i repeatedly asked a friend of mine to stop making cruel jokes about me being drunk on my myspace page - i don't mind people mentioning my drinking or whatever but he would just say things that made me sound like i had a real problem.  i asked him to stop about three separate times.  finally i said "look, i don't know what else to do, if you're my friend you would have stopped doing this when i first asked you - i don't want people to think i'm an alcoholic or am drunk all the time."

his response?  "well the obvious answer would be to stop drinking."

UM HELLO!  that is none of your damn business!  i asked you to stop making jokes and you should have!  geez

lol i'm still fired up about that one.  another friend recently made a joke on my page that had the word "drunk" in it and he asked if i told them to stop too.  i'm really annoyed about that.  i've still mentioned this to him and he said that he thinks i'm being too sensitive.  i told him i don't have this problem with other people and he said that surprises him ...

another time he was waving a lit lighter around in my face and i asked him to stop - he continued doing so throughout the night until i was just a plain bitch about it - embarassing, but it was the only thing that would get him to stop - he kept saying "ooooh what's wrong, are you afraid?"

YES!  it's fire!

argh

so annoying