STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

tri_sarah_tops · Marc Jacobs

smelly co-worker

relrel · Marc Jacobs

is he clean otherwise? i mean, is his hair greasy, is he generally well-kept and it's just the bo thing? maybe he has a sweat gland issue and can't help it. (im trying to be nice)

perhaps your husband and some other guys could go out for a guy's night out and drink some beers...in the heat of the moment of beers and alcohol say something about him having bo? i am not at all condoning alcohol abuse, it just might be easier to take in a social situation in a dark bar with a bit of a buzz on rather than at work with harsh lights, ya know?

this is tough, either you hurt the guys feelings or you end up smelling him. either way somebody's gonna hurt. and in retrospect the guy will evantually be thankful. does he date ever, is he married? maybe talk to the wife/girlfriend? i imagine that girls would be a hard thing to come by for a smelly man.

esquiress · Marc Jacobs

oh lord, this totally reminds me of my 9th grade algebra teacher. He had bo (although it doesn't sound as bad as your hubby's co-worker) and we'd all secretly make fun of it but he never caught on. so someone dared me to buy him deoderant for christmas and i did! i bought him a speed stick deoderant, didn't even wrap it, just put a red bow on it and left it on his desk when he wasn't looking. and he found out somehow that i'm the one that got him the speed stick and he thanked me. and i felt sooo embarrassed and ashamed i seriously can't believe i did that.

anyway back to you, maybe your hubby could bring it up in a discussion about himself, like say that he (your hubby) suffers from bo but he tried this one product and it totally helped him and so maybe your hubby should say to his co-worker, you know you should give it a shot, it really works. or something?

-- Edited by esquiress at 00:03, 2005-12-08

Maddie · Coach

I'd totally do it via anonymous email or note.

tri_sarah_tops · Marc Jacobs

Thanks for the suggestions guys. Stuff like this is hard because the guy definitely needs to know but it's weird to be like, "look guy, you smell."

Esquiress, your algebra teacher story is funny. We did the same thing to a girl that was in my jr. high gym class. She smelled and we knew she didn't use deodorant so we bought some and put it in her locker. Later, the same girl started stuffing her bra so we would regularly buy boxes of tissue and leave them at her house. So mean. Anyway, I can't believe he thanked you...how embarassing!

Relrel, I don't see the guy enough to know if he looks dirty otherwise but I don't remember him ever really looking gross. He doesn't have a girlfriend and he isn't married so that option is out. I have a feeling my husband will find a way to just tell him directly. I agree that it might be easier to take in a social setting than at work. I think my husband will be able to find a way to tell him, he's usually pretty direct about that kind of stuff.

Thanks again, I'll pass this on to the DH and I'll keep you posted!

laken1 · Hermes

relrel wrote:

this is tough, either you hurt the guys feelings or you end up smelling him. either way somebody's gonna hurt. and in retrospect the guy will evantually be thankful. does he date ever, is he married? maybe talk to the wife/girlfriend? i imagine that girls would be a hard thing to come by for a smelly man.

"look guy, you smell."

NCshopper · Hermes

There is some kind of service that delivers deoderant to people along with an anonymous letter or an e-mail that gently explains the problem. I can't remember what it's called, but I'll bet you could find it online. Something like that might be the best route: it's tactful, discreet, and non one has to have that awkward conversation with him.

NCshopper · Hermes

Here's a link of a website where you can have deodorant delivered: http://www.thepayback.com/revenge-odor.html

I'm sure there are other services that do this. The "nice" letter that comes with this one is kind of bitchy, so it may be worthwhile to look around.

laken1 · Hermes

NCshopper wrote:

Here's a link of a website where you can have deodorant delivered: http://www.thepayback.com/revenge-odor.html
I'm sure there are other services that do this. The "nice" letter that comes with this one is kind of bitchy, so it may be worthwhile to look around.

tri_sarah_tops · Marc Jacobs

Laken1, how funny! Yeah, the mean letter is MEAN and the nice letter really isn't that nice. My husband said that he talked to another coworker about it and that basically he's been nominated to address the issue so he'll have to come up with something. I think he's leaning toward just being direct with the guy. He's braver than I am; I'd take the wussy route and find a way to do it nicely but anonymously. Actually, I don't know if there is really a nice way to tell someone that they emit an offensive odor. Yeah, some ways are nicer than others, but the smelly person is going to be embarassed no matter how he's told. Poor smelly guy :(

Oh, I found another mean, anonymous letter that begins, "Dear Swamp-Butt. Could you please take a shower once in awhile?" Not very nice, but for some reason "Swamp-Butt" cracks me up. I found one that was nice though.

"Other co-workers have asked me to share this with you privately. I am embarrassed to be the one to let you know, but I am doing so because I do not like to hear others complain behind your back and I care about you. Your odor is strong and somewhat offensive in close proximity. I know that you shower, but the source of the odor may be your clothes. If you leave them in the washer too long, sometimes it smells like urine. You quit smoking and that’s great, but your odor still sometimes offends others. I know this may hurt a little, but I just thought you should know, as you are a nice person and a good co-worker. "

I think I'll tell him to send something like that.

gypsyfreak · Coach

tri_sarah_tops wrote:

"Other co-workers have asked me to share this with you privately. I am embarrassed to be the one to let you know, but I am doing so because I do not like to hear others complain behind your back and I care about you. Your odor is strong and somewhat offensive in close proximity. I know that you shower, but the source of the odor may be your clothes. If you leave them in the washer too long, sometimes it smells like urine. You quit smoking and that’s great, but your odor still sometimes offends others. I know this may hurt a little, but I just thought you should know, as you are a nice person and a good co-worker. " I think I'll tell him to send something like that.

I like this letter. It gently lets the other person know that he has serious body odor issues.

NCShopper- the link you posted is so mean, but kind of funny.

gruiz · Kenneth Cole

If your husband doesn't want to risk a friendship, he can bring the matter up with his HR department. It's their job to deal with situations like that. My FH had to do that with a coworker he didn't know very well. He spoke to HR about it and they had to break the news to the smelly guy. I'm not sure if that's better or worse than a coworker telling you that you have an odor problem.

Oh, and as for the above letter, I like it except for the "urine" part. I think mentioning a specific smell is a little too personal. Maybe say something like "....leaving clothes in the washer too long can lead to lingering odors..."

-- Edited by gruiz at 12:52, 2005-12-08

laken1 · Hermes

I am just shocked that such letters / services exist. That's why i love ST, you can book it that SOMEONE here knows SOMETHING about what you are dealing with. This is just the funniest thing i've ever heard.....

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

there are some good suggestions on here. this would be such an awkward situation for your DH to be in, especially if he likes the guy and wants to help him, but not hurt his feelings. does anyone remember that TV show "freaks and geeks"? it was on NBC a few years ago. one of the characters was becoming friends with a guy who had horrible BO, and he tried telling him something really subtly, like saying "i just got some dial. what kind of soap do you use?" maybe a similar approach could work here, if he doesn't want to say anything directly. like your DH could ask him if he wants to go out for lunch and then say "oh, i have to go to the drugstore for a minute" and then buy deodorant in front of the guy, and casually say "so what kind do you use? i like speedstick," or something like that. i also think speaking with HR might work, or just saying to him privately "hey, i consider you both a friend and a great co-worker, and this is hard for me to say but i value our relationship. sometimes you have a bit of a body odor, and i think you're probably not aware of it."

NCshopper · Hermes

I would caution against saying that a bunch of coworkers are in on it and that someone's been nominated to tell him. If it were me, hearing from just one person that I had bad BO would be horrible enough, but to know that a group of people had actually discussed it and felt that it was serious enough that someone needed to be nominated to have a discussion about it with me would just make it all the worse.

I think going the HR route might work too. It would be confidential and he wouldn't have to know that all his coworkers think he stinks.

ETA: "Swamp-Butt" is really damn funny.

-- Edited by NCshopper at 15:11, 2005-12-08

tri_sarah_tops · Marc Jacobs

NCshopper wrote:

I would caution against saying that a bunch of coworkers are in on it and that someone's been nominated to tell him. If it were me, hearing from just one person that I had bad BO would be horrible enough, but to know that a group of people had actually discussed it and felt that it was serious enough that someone needed to be nominated to have a discussion about it with me would just make it all the worse. I think going the HR route might work too. It would be confidential and he wouldn't have to know that all his coworkers think he stinks. ETA: "Swamp-Butt" is really damn funny.-- Edited by NCshopper at 15:11, 2005-12-08

That's a good point, I hadn't thought of that. I guess that would make things worse, kind of sounds like everyone had a meeting about the b.o.

I also like the suggestion about hinting at soap/deodorant, but if the guy really doesn't know he smells, he may not pick up on that. Maybe HR is the best route.

I love you guys, everyone is so smart and thoughtful :)

blubirde · Chanel

This post is serious but also kind of funny. It reminds me of two things:

1) I saw on tv some kid said to an adult (can't remember what movie/show) "see ya, wouldn't want to be ya," which I say ALL the time (I'm so mature) and the adult said "smell ya, shouldn't have to tell ya." Ha! I'd laugh my ass off if someone told me that in response to my see ya comment, although probably not so much if it was true.

2) my old roommate and I were going to start a greeting card business. We even worked on getting a business plan together at one point. Anyway, the nature of the cards were going to be geared towards alternative and young lifestyles. One line of cards was going to be business card shapped and come in a pack of 12 or something. Each card was going to say something useful like "You smell. No one else would, so I had to tell." or "You have green stuff in your teeth." They were going to be little, anonymous notes that you could set on people's desks at work or in their car or wherever. We thought it was hilarious. If only we had those now, I'd send you a pack! Then your hubby would be off the hook.

But seriously, if I had that problem, I'd be so grateful if someone would tell me something nicely and gently. Obviously the guy needs a little instruction too so I'd be sure and tell him *how* to smell nice at the same time.

Good luck and keep us updated!

cat · Marc Jacobs

My one friend has a boyfriend who smells all the time. For one thing he doesn't wash his clothes also he doesn't shower. She told me the only time she can get him to shower is before sex. I mean this man knows his clothes stink. Knows he stinks and does not care unless it interferes with his getting some.

Just thought I would warn you and your DH in case it is this kind of situation where he know he stinks but doesn't give a shit.