STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Hermione · Kate Spade

n/m

bumblebee · Coach

RE: dilemma: i really need your advice

Hermione · Kate Spade

yes, i have

i've got wells fargo and they are being IMPOSSIBLE to deal with! they refust to give me forbearance and i've told them that they're trying to get blood out of a stone. i just don't have it!

bumblebee · Coach

jeez, that doesn't seem legal even, since the whole thing is governed by the fed gov't. it seems like the rules should be the same across lenders. can you call your school and get a number for a federal agency that deals with student loans? i will search google for you to see what i come up with, but i really believe there has to be a way around that. how long have you been out of school?

crystal · Kate Spade

well, i really have no info for you other than the fact that i have considered it before. i am pretty financially baren as well & always looking to "get rich quick", but ultimately my main concern is having a son or daughter out there (which is really what we are talking about, even if you do not give labor to it). and more importantly, what if my egg goes to some horrible parents who just happen to be rich enough to afford this option, but really aren't good parents (which is maybe why they are not able to conceive in the first place... fate?) and they treat my child badly??? i would feel awful! anyways, that's just me, but if you do go ahead w/ it, we are here for you!

oh, btw, can you consolidate your loan to another company who will be more lenient about fobearance? you don't have to have more than one loan to consolidate.

sage · Dooney & Bourke

I can't comment on the morality of the issue, but I know someone who had her fallopian tubes removed and I think the operation would be about the same. She was in major pain for a few weeks. And for a few weeks after that she still got twinges. And there are scars. Small ones but they are there. So I think bumblebee is probably right about the pain. You probably wouldn't be able to work for a few weeks.

Hermione · Kate Spade

i've been out since may, bumblebee, but because i took a break from school after my freshman year, i've technically been in forebearance since then -

i don't understand it though - i've said the same thing to wells fargo and they said that they can do whatever they want b/c it's a private loan ...

they are just like "sorry"

i said to the guy "you understand that if you can't do anything for me, i'm just not going to be able to pay you and t hat's what's going to happen"

and he said "ok"

:(

bumblebee · Coach

okay, here's a link for you:

http://www.salliemae.com/manage/post1993.html

the main # is 888-2-SALLIE. i would just start calling and asking until someone says yes.

Hermione · Kate Spade

thanks. i'm going to call first thing in the morning. :)

halleybird · Hermes

I dunno...I couldn't do it. I don't necessarily think it's ethically wrong (I mean, you're supposedly helping someone who can't conceive, right?) but I couldn't stand the idea that I could have (a) child(ren) somewhere in the world. Like crystal said, the lack of control/knowing where it was going would drive me insane.

bumblebee · Coach

oh crap--i didn't understand that. you have a private loan, not a federal loan, like a stafford or something? the terms on those are much worse (from what i understand) because they give the money to you to spend on whatever you want, not to the school directly and strictly for books and tuition first. i don't really know how it all works, but hopefully someone else here will have info for you.

Hermione · Kate Spade

hopefully it will still work though b/c they always sent it directly to the school and it was only spent on tuition ...

hrm

Andrea Julia · Coach

I don't think there is anything morally wrong with it, but if you are not totally comfortable with it, I wouldn't do it. There are just so many reasons you could potentially regret doing it later on. If you have explored all these potential regrets (and I would also talk to at least one person you are close to in order to gain insight from someone outside of the situation) and still want to do it, then do it.

I was once going to do it. I got this questionnaire to fill out and then just gave up on it. The questions were really involved and time-consuming. Also, they were the types of questions that made me think to myself, "Am I even qualified to do this?" Just a lot of questions about your life and your family's health history, stuff you would have to research. I didn't go through with it because it just seemed like too much work and I wasn't really convinced I wanted to do it so I wasn't too motivated.

I've heard that it is really difficult to be selected as a donor. You need to be like the perfect person. I've also heard that they can end up rejecting your eggs after you go through months of shots and doctor's appointments. I can't speak from experience on that part though.

poptart · Coach

indiekitten wrote:

hopefully it will still work though b/c they always sent it directly to the school and it was only spent on tuition ... hrm

It should definitely still work! My grad loans were initially with Key Bank, and I just consolidated them into my undergrad loans with the federal govt. You should also be able to consolidate back through the federal government's program, which is Direct Loan. http://www.ed.gov/offices/OSFAP/DirectLoan/index.html

Just be careful when you do consolidate - there are a million consolidators out there, but many of them will grant you only one forbearance for the length of your loan - or they will grant you more but you won't be eligible for the super-lowest interest rate anymore. I found the Direct Loan to be the best deal, b/c even though my interest rate is like .05% higher, they will grant forbearance pretty much any time I need it, and never raise my rate.

bex · Chanel

I have personal experience with both of your situations.

First off, consolidate the school loan to a federal loan and then see what forbearance you fall under. I would think you could do "financial burden". It has to do with your debt-to-income ratio.

Secondly, my very best friend is an egg donor! In fact, she is going this week to have her eggs "harvested". This is the first time she has done it. She had to fill out a big questionaire like AJ mentioned and then she got put in a "book" with her picture. Families could look at her and her personal and health stats. 6 months later her doctor called her with a family that wanted to use her eggs. The reason she didn't get chosen right away is that most families were looking for someone taller- she's 5 foot and extrememly petite- but she has a very unique face (she's welsh) and the mother had the same eyes/mouth as her and thats why they chose her. She then did meds for 4 weeks and now is going to get them harvested. She initially looked into it for the money (she will get $5,000 each time and you can do it up to 4 times) but when she really got down to doing it- she made the decision based on the fact that she was helping a family have a child. she said that she can't imagine a more wonderful gift to give someone. she is one of the most giving and selfless people i know... i am proud of her for doing it.

if you want to know any other details feel free to PM me...

blubirde · Chanel

I've also seen the ads for egg donors and thought about it. I never go that far into the process because I just dismissed it. I don't think I'd do it for money but I think I'd do it for a family member or friend. I don't think there's anything wrong with it AT ALL. I just don't think I'd be comfortable knowing there could be a kid out there with my dna, ya know?

As for money, what about a Christmas job at a store you shop at? Even if it's just wrapping gifts in the department store. There are always tons of openings in holiday season and you could use the money to buy whatever xmas gifts you're getting and pay your bills.

Have you thought about substitute teaching? It doesn't pay a lot either but it's pretty flexible and certainly would be more than your $25/day job.

Good luck!

NCshopper · Hermes

I have really no opinion about the egg donation, but I would suggest applying for a part time job at Starbucks for a few reasons:

1) There are Starbucks locations all over the place and I'm sure they're hiring for the Christmas season. I'm sure there's one near you so it wouldn't be an inconvenience or out of the way.

2) They offer health benefits and stock options to part time employees after you've worked there for 6 months, which is a good thing to have in an emergency.

3) The people are great to work with and the networking opportunities are great. Seriously everyone I worked with there was super nice, as were most of the regular customers.

4) Pay isn't wonderful, but it's about $7 or so to start, plus tips, which are usually an additional $1-3 depending on the store location.

Yes, it's working for a big corporate giant, but it's a means to make money and it has great benefits (and they're much less risky that selling your eggs). I used to work there, as did my husband, my brother, my brother-in-law, and a bunch of friends. Starbucks needs people at all times of the day and they're pretty accomodating as far as scheduling goes.

Anyway, it's an idea.

Hermione · Kate Spade

thanks for all your advice and help guys

i have looked into a christmas job at a retail store but i think i looked into that a little too late -

still haven't exhausted all the possibilities though so i think i'll go out this weekend and check it out

starbucks is also a great option - i love it, and the environment and so that sounds pretty good - i'll stop by a few locations this weekend as well.

blubirde - i've thought about substitute teaching - do you have any idea how to get into it? do you need a teaching certificate?

Hermione · Kate Spade

-- Edited by Hermione at 18:10, 2008-07-20

laken1 · Hermes

I see that you are looking at other $$ options which is always a good thing. I guess lots of us have looked at the egg donation thing! I am too old (I mean really!) but I would do it in a heart beat. To me it is exactly the same thing as a guy donating to a sperm bank, and that seems socially acceptable. I looked at it like it's helping a couple that really wanted a baby to get one, and who am I to say they shouldn't have one? Women / girls give babies up for adoption all the time & the potential parents are screened just the same, to me it's exactly the same thing, but without the being pregnant or really getting attached part. If you look at it as a gift, then it's not really "your" baby - same as if you give a baby up for adoption - that isn't "your" baby either. No matter who birthed it.

I also heard that it is hard to be accepted as a donor, but it's also worth a shot if you are still interested. Also, if you google "egg donation" you'll get a ton of info - both good & bad to help you weigh your decision (which somehow I figure you already have done).

Good luck - I know what a nightmare financial issues can be. Seems like we are fighting them all the time!