STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

cc · Marc Jacobs

Need to vent about my dad

bumblebee · Coach

RE: Need to vent about my dad...(long)

blubirde · Chanel

Wow. I don't know what to tell you. It sounds like a really tough situation. I don't know if there's anything you can do. I know you want to stick up for your mom but having been in that situation before (me trying to talk to my dad about what he was doing to my mom), I can tell you that for me it caused more problems than it solved.

But if you really want to give it a try, maybe you can find some time over Thanksgiving to sit down with your dad and 1) talk about how concerned you are about your mom going back to the ad agency because of her health and/or 2) try to help him with his antiques business. Maybe if you bought him a financial organizer or Quicken or something that would help?

What a tricky situation! I hate when I can obviously see my parents' mistakes but they're blind to them. I guess that's what they think about us too.

Elle · Hermes

I hatehatehate the role reversal situations like this create between parents and their children. FH and I are dealing with similar money-related situations with each of our sets of parents. I know that if I sat my parents down and started an "I'm worried about you" conversation, they would be pissed - once they get into the middle of a situation like that it feels infinitely complicated, so someone coming in a trying to give advice (however well meaning) can sometimes make things worse instead of better because they feel like you just don't understand the complexity of the situation. Kind of like "If it was easy to get out, I would have done it already - do you think I'm stupid?".

Maybe suggesting the name of a great financial planner that could help them out with all the complicated stuff? And/or Bumblebee's counseling suggestion - since it sounds like your Dad's choices about money and his business are putting a serious strain on their relationship. Hopefully an impartial third party could help him realize where his priorities need to be.

Sorry you have to deal with this, CC .

sephorablue · Marc Jacobs

honey I do not have a single word of advice, but I just want to share that I know how you feel. I am going through essentially the same thing, the only differences being a) my mom died years ago and b) my dad is about to run out of money in a few weeks. Seriously I think our fathers might be separated-at-birth twins or something, because everything you described is exactly the way my dad has behaved in the last year. So I share your worry and your frustration. I think bumblebee is right about counseling, though. He can't continue putting their security at risk.

honey · Gucci

(hugs) i'm sorry that you're going through this. i think bumblebee has a good idea, even if it's not marital counseling, some sort of financial counseling. also maybe you and your sister could drop a huge hint and for christmas get your dad a few sessions with a financial planner (if that's even possible and assuming he would go).

i wish i had something constructive to offer, but unfortunately i don't. but i do know how you feel, i'm kind of going through a similar thing with my mom, and it's so frustrating. it's so hard to tell your parents that they're screwing up their lives, but at the same time, if they screw up, we have to take care of them.

cc · Marc Jacobs

nm

-- Edited by cc at 14:32, 2006-02-02

atlgirl · Gucci

Oh CC, I am sorry! I don't know what to tell you about your dad...but I am sad for you and your mom that he is acting this way. I hope they can get some sort of counseling - maybe your mom should go on her own, if your dad's not willing...sometimes that can help her better handle the situation, even if it doesn't totally resolve it. I hope you make it through Thanksgiving okay! *hugs*