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Post Info TOPIC: all's fair in love and war
honey


Gucci

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all's fair in love and war
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right? okay here's my potentially hypothetical situation that will hopefully stay hypothetical since i am a non-dealer to the extreme.


went out with a group of friends on sat. night. meet a boy who's kind of cool. of course it would work out that there is only one kind of cool boy, but three girls. we're all chatting and all exchange numbers. he invites us to a show on tues. for a band that he manages. and the most important part he's cute. but since it's a group situation i don't know if there's any interest in any of us, or he's just a cool guy to add to a circle. hence the hypothetical, but either way (he's interested in one of us or we're all going to be friends) i'm cool with the situation.


on the way home my friend starts talking about how she thought he was really cute. up until that point i had no idea and expressing her interest in him. which is fine, but i'm also interested in him. then she talks about how she thinks he might be interested our other friend, which is equally likely to be true, but our other friend has a bf so she in theory is not going to be interested in the guy. though that could be wrong.


so today he sends me a personalized text message about the show, which comes at the same time as a general text about the show (both from the same person). i'm definitely not going to jump to conclusions about this. but in the event that he is interested in me and the feeling is mutual would it be wrong to pursue it, or is he automatically off limits since my friend called him first.


a part of me hopes this will all stay hypothetical. i've been in a similar situation in college (group of friends one guy) and it didn't end well (but not b/c i decided to pursue it b/c i didn't). so i guess i'm trying to figure out a strategy in advance. grrr... i should be writing essays, not over analyzing hypothetical situations. 



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lsubatgirl


Gucci

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I don't believe in the whole friends calling dibs on a guy and junk. I don't know what to suggest but I just wanted to say not to believe in all that garbage.

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bumblebee


Coach

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when your g-f "called" him, did you say anything back, about how you thought he was cute? i get the "calling" thing, and it's important to be respectful of your girlfriends and not try to horn in on guys who they have expressed interest in, but up to a certain point, it doesn't really make any difference.  if he is pursuing you, you can't tell him "no, you should be going out with my friend." 


so i guess my response is that you shouldn't be worried about it yet, just go and have fun at the show in a group setting, and let him make a move if he's going to.  i wouldn't go out of my way to hit on him, but if he's kind of liking you, it'll become obvious to everyone (including your friend) and if she's mature and normal, she'll probably understand that.  you would if you were in her shoes. 



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Elle


Hermes

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bumblebee wrote:

so i guess my response is that you shouldn't be worried about it yet, just go and have fun at the show in a group setting, and let him make a move if he's going to.  i wouldn't go out of my way to hit on him, but if he's kind of liking you, it'll become obvious to everyone (including your friend) and if she's mature and normal, she'll probably understand that.  you would if you were in her shoes. 
Well said.  I concur.

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esquiress


Marc Jacobs

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if you all met at the same time, i think "calling" is kind of silly.  on the other hand, if one of you guys had had a history with him and was still enamored or whatever then i'd steer clear.  but that's not the case in your situation so in terms of the whole "calling" issue, i think you're safe. 


however, here are a couple of cautionary/cynical possibilities you may want to keep in mind:


1. if he's cute, chances are he knows it.  especially if he manages a band, that's a very social profession and he probably knows how to schmooze w/ the best of them.


2. if it was a 3:1 ratio, chances are he was really in the catbird's seat (to use bumblebee's grandma's expression ), and knew that as well. 


3. also, since you don't know this guy from adam, you also don't know if he sent a personalized text to your friend as well as yourself.  this has been known to happen so just be cognizant of that possibility. 


nevertheless if he seems cool and you'd enjoy hanging out, just do that.  be friendly, get to know him and see from there where it might lead.  it's just too early to say one way or another so i'd advise taking the wait and see approach.  also, don't hide anything from your friend who thought he was cute, just be up front about it all and you and she should be fine.



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laken1


Hermes

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LMonet wrote:
bumblebee wrote:
so i guess my response is that you shouldn't be worried about it yet, just go and have fun at the show in a group setting, and let him make a move if he's going to.  i wouldn't go out of my way to hit on him, but if he's kind of liking you, it'll become obvious to everyone (including your friend) and if she's mature and normal, she'll probably understand that.  you would if you were in her shoes. 
Well said.  I concur.


That is exactly what I was thinking. No one has "dibs" on him. It's possible that he isn't at all attracted to you friend, so that's just silly. Hopefully she is mature enough to handle that possibility as well.

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NCshopper


Hermes

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I wouldn't make any obvious moves on him just in case your friend got some vibe that he was really into her.  But if he makes the moves on you, then go for it.  Calling dibs is a little silly in this circumstance.

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blubirde


Chanel

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I think it's absurd for a girl to "call" a guy in advance like that. Having said that, one of my friends (A) did something similar to a guy once. Another friend (R) knew she "called" him and went after him anyway. They ended up being together for a long time and breaking up in dramatic fashion. A still harbors negative feelings about it even though she is happily married to someone different now. Weird, huh?


Anyway, I think if R would have just went to A and told her she was interested also, everything would have been fine. If you like the guy, just say something casually to the friend who "called" him the other night. That way everything actually will be fair.


Good luck!



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