STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

honey · Gucci

etiquette question

Karina · Chanel

Honestly, I would have sent the invite earlier, but I think you have a right to be annoyed.

NCshopper · Hermes

I think it might depend on the type of party you're having. Is it a sit down dinner where you need to know how many servings to make? Or is it more of a casual thing with a bunch of food and beer? If it's casual, people might kind of assume that you don't need an exact headcount. If it's more of a sit-down kind of dinner event, then they're being rude.

I tend to think that if someone took the effort to send out invitations, then an rsvp is in order. If it's a word of mouth thing, then an rsvp isn't really required.

Anyway, those are my thoughts. My Emily Post book is at home though, so I'm not sure what the exact "rules" are.

Elle · Hermes

I don't think you're unreasonable to expect a response by the day of the event. Did you email or snail mail the invites?

trixie · Kenneth Cole

People not responding is one of my pet peeves! I don't think you are unreasonable to expect an RSVP by the day of the event. I think nowadays, people think their non response indicates a non attendance, but I'd like a firm commitment either way.

honey · Gucci

it's a casual event, and i'm a total "planner" when it comes to going out so it's hard to figure out if i'm just being a party nazi. the thing that really irks me (and it's totally a pride thing) is that a lot of people who haven't responded were courtesy invites. which is fine b/c i don't really expect them to come. but i feel like common courtesy is to respond either way.

trixie · Kenneth Cole

honey wrote:

..... but i feel like common courtesy is to respond either way.

Completely agree. I don't understand why it hurts to give a definitive yes or no. I'd rather hear "no" than nothing at all!

blink · Coach

was it an invitation sent through email? Those sometimes get easily disregarded because unlike a paper invite, the thing is not right there in your face reminding you to RSVP, maybe the people see the email and think they need to first check their calendars, so they put it off, but most people who get lots of email don't remember to go through their old emails to RSVP. The one thing about Evite I like is that it sends a reminder to invitees, otherwise, there are probably a couple Pampered Chef parties I might have forgotten to attend.

But however you sent this, I say, you are going to almost have to expect late or no responses when you send out an invite with only four days notice. It's annoying for sure, but those who haven't responded might have just figured it wasn't a big deal and just another option for Friday night.

honey · Gucci

now i have another question: in the future is it rude to just not extend the invitation to certain people? for example, one of the people in my dept. hasn't responded yet, which i'm assuming means that she's not coming, since she never comes to these sorts of things. she was one of my "courtesy" invitations b/c i knew she wasn't going to come, but felt rude inviting all the younger people in the dept. and leaving her out. can i just permanently cross her off the list?

-- Edited by honey at 13:33, 2005-11-04

NCshopper · Hermes

honey wrote:

now i have another question: in the future is it rude to just not extend the invitation to certain people? for example, one of the people in my dept. hasn't responded yet, which i'm assuming means that she's not coming, since she never comes to these sorts of things. she was one of my "courtesy" invitations b/c i knew she wasn't going to come, but felt rude inviting all the younger people in the dept. and leaving her out. can i just permanently cross her off the list?-- Edited by honey at 13:33, 2005-11-04

Hmm...I wouldn't cross her off the list. If she's someone you work with and you're inviting everyone else, her feelings might get hurt if she were to find out, even if parties aren't her sort of thing. Even if she never comes to anything, it at least gives her the chance to say no, which is better than never getting asked in the first place.

That's my take on it, but I'd be interested in hearing any dissenting opinions.

honey · Gucci

NCshopper wrote:

honey wrote: now i have another question: in the future is it rude to just not extend the invitation to certain people? for example, one of the people in my dept. hasn't responded yet, which i'm assuming means that she's not coming, since she never comes to these sorts of things. she was one of my "courtesy" invitations b/c i knew she wasn't going to come, but felt rude inviting all the younger people in the dept. and leaving her out. can i just permanently cross her off the list?-- Edited by honey at 13:33, 2005-11-04 Hmm...I wouldn't cross her off the list. If she's someone you work with and you're inviting everyone else, her feelings might get hurt if she were to find out, even if parties aren't her sort of thing. Even if she never comes to anything, it at least gives her the chance to say no, which is better than never getting asked in the first place. That's my take on it, but I'd be interested in hearing any dissenting opinions.

sorry, i don't know why i'm so fixated on this today. b/c it's not that she doesn't come that i understand. she doesn't respond either. i guess i just feel silly being so cautious about other people's feelings, when they seem not to care.