STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Sandy · Kate Spade

Should I tell him? (long)

Deuce · Dooney & Bourke

My advice is to not tell the current bf that you lied but not to continue to omit info in the future. Also this guy, J, sounds like he still has a bit of influence over you. He is not a great person, even if he has changed and all of that jazz, he still has bad memories for you. He treated you poorly and you do not deserve that. I actually was gasping while I was reading your post. Tell J you do not care for him... and you would appreciate it if he would take responsibility for the bad things he did to you, show you some respect and leave you alone. Tell him you are not interested in a friendship for 2 reasons. 1) he was mean to you. 2) It caused problems with P. End of story. I would also tell P that he is an adult, you are with him now and J is not worth the drama. Tell P, he too, needs to respect your wishes. Let the Drama go, just cut it out of your life and let them know you are not going to take part in any of it. This is just my opinion of course. Good luck and keep us posted.

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

I've dated this guy too. It's like the jerk is still manipulating y'all without doing anythign or any inconvenience to him. For example, why is your boyfriend repeatedly asking about this? After so many years?

Both of you need to disengage from this guy. He's incredibly manipulative and any reaction you give him will just make him look good, you both look bad and further push the drama wagon along (like when you told him off, for example - he totally deserved it, but it didn't do anything you wanted, did it?)

This guy will never see what he did to you. He will always look for a reaction and he'll never quit with the games as long as there's the slightest chance he'll get one.

I would take a deep breath and say mentally "It's perfectly ok for you to go to my gas station. It's perfectly ok for you to act like an asshole. Your'e only making yourself look bad." EVERY SINGLE TIME you see him. He's only hurting himself as long as you are fine with him being the lowest form of slime ever created and don't care what he does to prove it.

As for the boyfriend, it's great that he loves you so much and wants to protect you, but he should trust you to be grownup enough to handle yourself. If he asks about J, I would just say "I'm so tired of him being in our lives in any way - can we talk about something else. Thank you for wanting to take care of me. I'll tell you if there's something I need your help with."

Sandy · Kate Spade

-- Edited by Stephanie at 13:27, 2005-11-02

beachgirl · Kenneth Cole

You don't sound silly at all. I agree with Dizzy's advice. Try not to react to him, and to tell yourself mentally that he is just a slimeball loser, and hopefully once he realizes that you are not going to let him get to you anymore, he will leave you alone. Doesn't he have anything better to do than bother you?!?

I'm not sure if I would tell my boyfriend or not, one one hand, I wouldn't want to purposefully leave something out, but on the other hand, I wouldn't want to upset him & cause unnecessary drama. I would probably end up telling him but totally downplaying it, maybe even laughing about how lame it is for him to come in.

blink · Coach

I am one of those bold ones who is always in favor of full disclosure, so if I were you, I would tell the boyfriend everything.