STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Metric · Gucci

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lynnie · Chanel

RE: Our poor Moms

sephorablue · Marc Jacobs

you guys have siblings, right? Any chance you can try to deflect the onus onto them? Are they in situations where they might be more likely to provide the desired offpspring?

I got nothing though, hon, cause it would irritate the hell out of me too. They ARE being unfair to you. Do you think it would help if you two sat them down and lovingly told them that it upsets you to constantly be badgered about marriage and children, because you both have firmly committed not to do either? Maybe if they realize that having your decisions and feelings ignored, rather than respected, hurts you, they will tone it down?

Elle · Hermes

Hmmm, I think I would come up with some defacto, slightly sarcastic response. Inlcuding a knowing *wink*

between you and the BF. I'm not feeling terribly witty this evening, but something along the lines of "When we do, you'll be the first to know. I promise.". It pisses me off when my family purposefully discounts my intentions/choices too, but I think that saying something like this in a sarcastic tone gives you back some of the control in the situation, and prevents you from having your life choices on trial all the live long day.

jen · Kate Spade

I HATE the 'you'll change your mind' deal. Really, not everyone has to do the whole marriage and kids thing. My mom is disappointed that I won't ever be having kids but I think she'd be more disappointed if I had one and didn't really want it.

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

I'm with Lynnie - she's not respecting your decision, but you're old enough that it doesn't matter, right? Just let it roll... (even though it must be chinese water torture...) Oh, and when my mom pulled stuff like this, I would get up and leave whenever she started on the topic. Not in a mad way, just in a "well, time for me to go..." It cleared it up pretty quickly, although of course there were other reppercussions. And I'm not sure that game playing like that really has a place in an otherwise healthy relationship. Maybe you could try just firmly changing the subject, though?

poptart · Coach

I would try one more time to reason with your Mom, and then let it go. If she persists in hoping, that isn't your problem. I know how frustrating this is, and that that is easier said than done, but I'm not sure you have much choice. And I'm not sure you have a choice at all with the BF's mom. I'm sorry you have to deal with this though! My mom used to do this (I don't want kids either) but she has laid off, thank gosh.

blink · Coach

Well I think you should just laugh it off, why get pissed about it? Be thankful that you have family who love you so much that can imagine seeing you in those moments they have already been through, even if you never become a mother.

And seriously, people change and evolve all the time, whatever age, it is actually unlikely that you will be in the same place you are today in another 10 years....not to say you will decide to get married and have kids, my 51 year old Aunt never did, but all things about her as a person are definitely not the same as they were in the 1970's. My point is though, to tell your family (who have all been your age before), that you will never change your mind is kind of hard to believe, so why not just let it slide and be happy in your moment of youth and a great relationship (currently surrounded by family) in the now with your boyfriend.

I have to agree with Lynnie about the never say never stuff, better to say, I can't see myself ever wanting to have kids, not, I have officially decided not to. If they want to think you will change your mind someday, why does it have to bother you as long as you think you won't? They will figure it out when you are....oh...40 or so.

Sorry open mind encouragement, I have been creating a family genogram and missing family who is deceased lately....and I happen to have a soft spot for certain Democrat "wafflers."