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Post Info TOPIC: Is there an I-Love-You cutoff?
bostongal


BCBG

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Is there an I-Love-You cutoff?
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**Update** So last night, a week after our six month anniversary, my boyfriend told me that he loves me. It was in such a nice, casual, carefree way, as if it was something we say all the time and just a part of our day - which is just how I wanted it, as neither of us like drama or big romantic gestures. Just wanted to share - and to say thanks for all your posts and support below



I have been dating my boyfriend for 5 months, and everything is great. I am home sick today and he actually just stopped by (he had to double park!) to drop me off some halloween candy and make sure I had everything I needed. He is always doing sweet little things like that. I get a long great with all of his friends, and he with mine. Basically, it seems to be a wonderful thing we have going. However, he has not said "I love you" yet. I have hinted to him that I feel that way, but haven't wanted come out and say it first because I don't want to scare him.


Do you feel like there is a cutoff for saying I love you to each other? That is, a point at which you need to be worried or discuss the fact that it hasn't been said? 6 months? A year? I guess I just need to get an idea of what other people think before I start worrying about this.... thanks for any thoughts you have! 



-- Edited by bostongal at 15:46, 2005-11-26

-- Edited by bostongal at 13:53, 2005-11-28

-- Edited by bostongal at 13:54, 2005-11-28

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poptart


Coach

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RE: Is there an I-Love-You "cutoff?"
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I'm glad you've met someone you like who treats you well. That's so sweet that he brought you halloween candy! My opinion is to enjoy it and be patient. I typically start expecting it around the 6 month mark, but wouldn't start worrying until around 8 months, probably.

Also, I think some guys don't do things when we hint that we want them to, b/c they don't want it to be "expected." I know one guy who waited a long time longer than he should have to propose, just b/c he thought she was expecting it every time they went out for a nice date. Men.

ETA: I think the more a guy likes you, and the more of a quality person he is, the more he will make sure he's sincere before he says it. I would take his waiting as a good sign!

-- Edited by Lisa at 19:18, 2005-10-27

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bumblebee


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RE: Is there an I-Love-You "cutoff?"
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i agree with everything lisa said.  one of my g-fs just got married to the guy that waited almost a year to tell her!  if he shows you he loves you (which it sounds like he does) that's worth way more than the words anyway. 

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bostongal


BCBG

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Thanks you guys. He is a very methodical and thoughtful person, and I KNOW for a fact that he would not say something like I love you unless he was sure he really meant it. I agree that I'd rather have someone wait and say it when they really mean it, rather than throwing it around like it's nothing. I have friends that do that and it ticks me off. Once you've said it, it's out there! :)

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member


Hermes

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I pretty much agree w/Lisa and bumblebee, but I did want to add that saying I love you and being in love is not something I really think you can put a time limit on.  You can't measure it by saying "well we've been together 6 mos, we should be in love" - I mean if two years go by and no I love you, fine, maybe worry then, but i think it will happen and be said when it happens and the moment is right.  Does that make sense?


Bottom line - enjoy him and the relationship and let it come naturally



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beachgirl


Kenneth Cole

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This topic made me laugh...the first time me & my boyfriend said "I love you" it was on the phone and I said, "ok, bye, love you", and he replied with "love you too", neither of us realized what just happened until after we hung up.  It was definitely not thought out!  LOL.

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atlgirl


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I'm not one who says it lightly either, but when I met my DH, I knew - after our first date, I thought "I think I might marry this man". Which had NEVER happened to me before. But I was 31 and had had plenty of time to know what I wanted and what I didn't, and he really fit the bill (still does!). Two weeks into dating, I went to my bro's wedding and my mom said, "How are things with the new guy?" and I said, "Mom, I think I might marry him" and she about fell over! I can't blame her though - that was totally atypical behavior for me.

I *think* it was at about the two or three month mark, and I told him first. He told me, "You have my heart. I'm not ready to say "I love you" yet, but you have my heart." That was good enough for me, and he said it spontaneously about a month later.

I wouldn't worry, esp. if your guy is methodical and serious like you say. Those types just don't toss it out on a whim, which makes it all the more meaningful. *s*

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jacL


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I agree with Shopchicago on this one, but I have a funny story about this.  The first time my BF said "I love you," was when he took me to my seniot year homecoming.  He graduated from the same high school the year before and hated it so it was a really big thing that he went with me.  After the dance we hung out with friends and we were talking in the corner and he said it.  I was like "OMG!" and didn't know what to do so I pretended he never said it!   He finally said it again a few months later (by this time we had been together about 8 months) and by then I was ready to say it back.  He later told me I totally broke him down over that and that I was lucky he continued to date me!  Haha.  Well now we say it all the time.

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shopgirl82


Chanel

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it took my bf two years (we dated long distance the whole time), but i started to kinda wonder after a while, especially since i was surrounded by my friends in college who basically went from dating to living together in a week!  things move so much faster in college that it was hard to see just barely couples saying i love you and such when my bf of a year hadn't.  i kept on telling myself that at least if (at that point) when he says it, he'll mean it.  i knew with his actions he did, but i still doubted things every once in a while. 


when he did say it, it was so special and i knew that he meant it, and that he was in love with me and loved me.  i also felt like i was going to marry him at that point.  fast forward...4 years later and we're still together and say it all the time (and mean it every time)...gosh i'm such a cheeseball.   


atlgirl- what a great response instead of not saying anything.  that's sweet.  definitely a keeper!! 



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tara t


Marc Jacobs

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i did this silly little thing with my BF.  i said stupid things like "i love being with you" or "i love spending time with you" and hocus pocus he said "i love you"


i was being childish, but it worked. 



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blink


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I am married for six years now, but of all the guys I dated seriously up until age 24, none of them took longer than a month to say I love you.  I don't know if I could have standed waiting 6 months, I would probably have broke up with him to date other people, I was kind of a high maintenance girl back then.

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sfcaligirl


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RE: Is there an I-Love-You "cutoff?"
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i've never said "i love you" before.    i have trust issues...


eta: nobody has ever really said it to me either , so i have no idea what a normal amount of time is.



-- Edited by sfcaligirl at 12:10, 2005-10-28

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janey831


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sfcaligirl wrote:

i've never said "i love you" before.    i have trust issues... eta: nobody has ever really said it to me either , so i have no idea what a normal amount of time is.-- Edited by sfcaligirl at 12:10, 2005-10-28


I'm with you jess! 



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sfcaligirl


Dooney & Bourke

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janey831 wrote:

sfcaligirl wrote: i've never said "i love you" before.    i have trust issues... eta: nobody has ever really said it to me either , so i have no idea what a normal amount of time is.-- Edited by sfcaligirl at 12:10, 2005-10-28 I'm with you jess! 
whew, i'm glad i'm not alone!  i feel really self-concious about this sometimes.  i mean, i've been in love before but i've never been brave enough to put myself out there and say "i love you."  i take it verrrrry seriously and i refuse to throw that phrase around! 

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sephorablue


Marc Jacobs

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shopchicago33 wrote:

saying I love you and being in love is not something I really think you can put a time limit on.  You can't measure it by saying "well we've been together 6 mos, we should be in love" - I mean if two years go by and no I love you, fine, maybe worry then, but i think it will happen and be said when it happens and the moment is right.  Does that make sense? Bottom line - enjoy him and the relationship and let it come naturally
I totally agree with this. People have very different approaches to this, and taking a while to be sure doesn't mean that the feelings aren't there, or almost there, or whatever. And if you really do feel it yourself, just say it. I think it will eventually work its way out of you whether you want it to or not.

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fashionista L


Coach

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My ex took about two months and my current boyfriend hasn't said it yet but we have only been together a month. I don't know if I could wait that long. I want to know I mean something to that person but I think I am a lil high maintenance!

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erin


Chanel

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my husband said it after 4 dates, and i was just like "..."

i don't think there is a cutoff, and i agree, actions speak louder than words.

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bostongal


BCBG

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RE: Is there an I-Love-You "cutoff?"
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Please see edit at the top! woohoo!

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scarlett


Marc Jacobs

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I didn't read this until after the big statement had been made, but yay!!!! You must have been so happy to hear that! Your BF sounds like a sweetie.

Just to add my story for the hell of it, my BF told me after we'd been together for about 4 months, and it was the same night he met my parents for the first time. I don't know if that made him more emotional or reflective on his feelings, but after we came home that night he told me. I was relieved, because I'd realized I was in love with him a short while before then and was afraid I would just burst out yelling "I love you!" uncontrollably and scare him. It only feels better the longer you're together and the more love you have for each other.

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poptart


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YAY! That is so sweet.

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