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Renee


Kenneth Cole

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Posts: 451
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is motherhood for me?
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So here's the situation. I dreamed about having a daughter since I was 15. I dreamed about becoming a professor since I was 15. I dedicated my life to becoming a professor in my chosen discipline, and I feel I’m on the right track- I don’t know if I will get a job, but I have a reasonable fighting chance. The dissertation writing is fun but it will be over next year. I am married to a wonderful guy who wholeheartedly supports my career, but lately he started asking me when we’re going to have kids. The more I think about it, the more afraid I become. There was a period in my life when I wanted kids desperately – I was three years younger and thought I could handle coursework and a baby – and I probably could have, but because of my hubby’s work situation, that wasn’t possible. Now it is possible, but I am scared – I can probably dissertate with a baby, but will I be able to go to conferences with a baby? interview with a baby? hell, will I be able to start a tenure-track position with a baby? Thinking about giving birth during tenure-track years gives me headache. I know plenty of women who were denied tenure because they had a baby in the middle of the process, and I don’t know a single woman who gave birth and got tenure. I am not going to give up my academic career – this is what I do, and I don’t see a reason to give it up because I am female (if I were male, I wouldn’t even think about a possibility of quitting at this point!) So I need to figure out if I want children of my own. Planning to have one after the tenure process is stupid – I am 29 now, and I don’t know if or when my job will materialize – and tenure review takes 6 years.
Any advice or insight will be greately appreciated.



-- Edited by Renee at 18:40, 2005-10-22

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hotcocoa


Kate Spade

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Posts: 1330
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i wish i had a little more time write now to write this post. maybe i'll come back and add a bit more later but here are my initial thoughts.

would you be able to put your career or career track on "hold" for a few years to have a baby? i'm sorry, i don't know the details of becoming a professor so i'm not sure this is an option for you. could your husband stand in for you as the primary caregiver of the baby while you followed your career path? it seems SO unfair that women have to choose between having a baby and following their careers and it seems that you are in an especially difficult situation.

i've put my career on "hold" while i stay home and raise my son (and any other children should i choose to have any more). i figure that i have the rest of my life to work and go on with my career after my son is in school full time and i can devote my day to working. i freelance from home periodically to stay on top of things in my field. i feel EXTREMELY lucky that i'm able to do things this way but for me and t's the only way i'd have it.

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ak
Andrea Julia


Coach

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Posts: 1811
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I think this is a situation where only you can decide what's right for you.  Decisions regarding your career dreams and family dreams are such personal decisions and only you can decide what's right for you.  My personal feelings on this are you have many more years to be a professor than you do to have a baby.  I don't know much about the process, but couldn't you have a baby in the next couple years and then start working on tenure when your children go back to school? 

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