STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
stylethread site home page -> stylethread forum -> relationships -> Do I expect too much??
Post Info TOPIC: Do I expect too much??
fashionista L


Coach

Status: Offline
Posts: 1590
Date:
Do I expect too much??
Permalink Closed

I feel like I am such a difficult girl to date, but i have expectations for a guy if he is going to date me. Here is the scoop, if you have read any of my previous posts, you know about Matt, the new guy I have been dating. He is reallly sweet and nice and we click really well and have fun together... but I have a problem with his total lack of planning skills, I am a major planner, I pretty much know what I am going to do about a week or so in advance, what girlfriends I am going to be doing things with, when I am going to lunch with my sis, etc. He doesn't plan at ALL! In fact while I'm at work all day, I will call my friends up and usually try to make plans for the weekend during my day, I don't want to wait til the last minute. Mat on the other hand, I don't hear from all day long and then finally at around 7-7:30 he finally calls me to see what I am up to for the night. If I ever ask him what he has planned for the weekend, he never knows, nor does he attempt to make a plan... hello I am asking for a reason. Wednesday night I went over to his house and we had a really good time that evening and I thought he might bother to call nd say hello during the day but no... I called him at 1:30 and he doesn't bother to call me back until 8:30. I was pretty mad. I think that if you like someone, you should wanna talk to them and if they call you, you should be excited to call them back. I feel like I am wasting my time kind of. I talked to him lastnight and told I was frustrated and told him all that and he did call me today to say hello, but I don't kniw what to make of it, he really wants us to be bf/gf and I just don't see that working unless he puts more effort in. What do you girls think?? I am just venting. I am not sure if this even makes sense! Thanks for letting me vent!!


We do hang out just about every night and have an awesome time together and when we are together everything is perfect but then I don't hear from him til the next night around 7 and I just feel like I am the 7-12 pm girlfriend know what I mean??



-- Edited by fashionista L at 17:35, 2005-10-21

__________________
~ Leslie
poptart


Coach

Status: Offline
Posts: 1764
Date:
Permalink Closed

I completely know what you mean, and no, you don't expect too much.


I have been in this situation twice, both with people I dated for over two years. Here's how those scenarios went. The first guy, I told him it really bothered me that he didn't make plans, and he was like "Well, that's who I am." And it never changed. He would call at 9 pm/10/12/1 am/whenever, and I was supposed to drop everything. He was a bastard.


The second guy, when I told him, was like "That's really not my personality, but I understand and I will try." He tried, and it was still an issue sometimes, but the effort was genuinely there, and that was enough for me.


So I guess what I'm saying is, do you think he likes and respects you, and do you think you could talk to him about it? I think his reaction to your discussion is the key, and I think it'll be pretty obvious whether you can ever expect more from him.


Sorry you're dealing with this, but I understand where you're coming from.



__________________
Forget, forgive, conclude, and be agreed. - Shakespeare
bumblebee


Coach

Status: Offline
Posts: 1550
Date:
Permalink Closed

how old is this guy?


the reason i ask is that i used to have this problem a lot more when i was younger.  now that i date guys who are into their thirties for the most part, their lives are just busier because they have jobs and schedules and commitments, so they are kind of forced to plan some things ahead. 



__________________
fashionista L


Coach

Status: Offline
Posts: 1590
Date:
Permalink Closed

He is 22 He did respond well when I told him it bothered me and he did call me around 1 today instead of the usual 7ish. Maybe there is hope?

__________________
~ Leslie
bumblebee


Coach

Status: Offline
Posts: 1550
Date:
Permalink Closed

ok, then yes and i also think it's pretty normal.  it's a good sign that he responded to what you told him--he probably didn't realize it bugged you so much until you told him. 

__________________
laken1


Hermes

Status: Offline
Posts: 5600
Date:
Permalink Closed

You know, I'm not a "rules" girl - but I think there is something to be said for making yourself available...I think if you make your plans, etc & live you life, and you are important to him that he will eventually get that in order to see you, he has to plan it. If he calls you Friday to see what you are doing tonight, never ever be available. Say - "i have plans - I usually have plans in advance. If you want to see me, you have to give me some notice". If he doesn't make the effort, I say he's not worth your time. But maybe it's just me. I guess my point is, if he calls that day & you see him that day, he has no incentive to make plans ahead of time. And he will miss out. I don't think that's expecting too much, I think it's common courtesy. And while I think it may be his age, he has to learn sometime! May as well be with you.

__________________
Who do you have to probe around here to get a Chardonnay? - Roger the Alien from American Dad
lsubatgirl


Gucci

Status: Offline
Posts: 2902
Date:
Permalink Closed

Hey girl you sound just like me.  I don't think you are expecting too much at all!!


I have to have plans and know in advance what is going on.  I can't stand the we'll play it by ear thing.  I tend to be pretty blunt about things.  If I'm asked out for a day but there is no plan or time arranged yet - kinda like a do you want to do something on Friday type question - I'll tell the boy I'll pencil him into my planner (teasingly) and say if there isn't a plan then I'll just erase him and make other plans.  It tends to work pretty well.  I also throw in my 24 hour notice policy which is when the date must be finalized with time, place, activity, etc so I can plan accordingly - and say that I'm putting it in ink (more joking with it). Its  more of a joke but I really do mean it when I tell people that and they get the picture.



__________________
fashionista L


Coach

Status: Offline
Posts: 1590
Date:
Permalink Closed

Oh my goodness, I think the worst part of this is when we say we are going to hang out, I ask him what he wants to do and he never has an answer... he is just way too laid back or maybe I just need to realax a bit, but I would really like it if he had a cute date night planned. Know what I mean?? I nstead of like, I don't know... What do you wanna do??



-- Edited by fashionista L at 20:19, 2005-10-21

__________________
~ Leslie
lsubatgirl


Gucci

Status: Offline
Posts: 2902
Date:
Permalink Closed

I think all boys though are like this so you just have to work with them



__________________
laken1


Hermes

Status: Offline
Posts: 5600
Date:
Permalink Closed


lsubatgirl wrote:
If I'm asked out for a day but there is no plan or time arranged yet - kinda like a do you want to do something on Friday type question - I'll tell the boy I'll pencil him into my planner (teasingly) and say if there isn't a plan then I'll just erase him and make other plans. 



I LOVE IT!!!!!!



__________________
Who do you have to probe around here to get a Chardonnay? - Roger the Alien from American Dad
Andrea Julia


Coach

Status: Offline
Posts: 1811
Date:
Permalink Closed

Well, it sounds like things will be better now that he knows it bothers you.  I'm the same way about wanting to know who I will be hanging out with and when in advance.  I don't care so much if we don't know exactly what we are going to do that night, but I want to know I am definitely doing something.


I also agree with Laken1 about not being available if he asks you last minute.  Definitely mention that you would have loved to hang, but you made your plans 3 days ago, so he doesn't think you are just rejecting him all the time.



__________________
scarlett


Marc Jacobs

Status: Offline
Posts: 2117
Date:
Permalink Closed


laken1 wrote:
You know, I'm not a "rules" girl - but I think there is something to be said for making yourself available...I think if you make your plans, etc & live you life, and you are important to him that he will eventually get that in order to see you, he has to plan it. If he calls you Friday to see what you are doing tonight, never ever be available. Say - "i have plans - I usually have plans in advance. If you want to see me, you have to give me some notice". If he doesn't make the effort, I say he's not worth your time. But maybe it's just me. I guess my point is, if he calls that day & you see him that day, he has no incentive to make plans ahead of time. And he will miss out. I don't think that's expecting too much, I think it's common courtesy. And while I think it may be his age, he has to learn sometime! May as well be with you.


This is great advice! It does sound like he's open to changing and perhaps because of his age, just isn't thinking. In his head, the thought probably is "cool, I'm dating this girl I really like!" and he's just happy. But now that he knows your frustrations, he should take some initiative. I think if you follow Laken1's advice, it will show you if he's really the guy for you.

__________________
http://fugitiveduck.blogspot.com/
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
stylethread site home page -> stylethread forum -> relationships -> Do I expect too much??
Tweet this page Post to Digg Post to Del.icio.us


Create your own FREE Forum
Report Abuse 		Powered by ActiveBoard