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Post Info TOPIC: *UPDATE* Attack of 'second thoughts'!!! Ack!
Elle


Hermes

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*UPDATE* Attack of 'second thoughts'!!! Ack!
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Ok, so I'm having second thoughts about my dress .  When I got it, I thought it was 'meant to be' and all that.  Now I'm wondering if I fell prey to the fact that it was a steal and it already almost fit me (as opposed to being clamped into a dress 4 sizes too big and 1 foot too long at the bridal shops).  I still think it's a beautiful dress, but maybe not the dress for me ...?  I always had my heart set on a mermaid skirt and a natural waist, and this dress is neither of those things. 


Help me!  What do I do?  My practical side says that it was a good deal, I can't afford to become a 2-dress bride, and it will be beautiful in the end.  My idealistic side says that maybe I made a mistake and was blinded by the bargain, and that I will feel regretful that I wore a dress that wasn't 'the dress'.


As it stands right now, I have an appointment to go try on dresses tomorrow.  Hopefully I will either find 'the dress' or it will validate that the dress I already have is 'the dress'.  Anyone want to commiserate?  Talk me out of it?


Please?  


*UPDATE* Okay ladies, I went to my appointment this morning and (of course) found two other dresses that I like.  BUT, I've decided to keep the dress I already have anyway.  It really is beautiful, and I think that once it's altered I'll like it even more.  I was messing around with it today after I got home (taking Starstuff's advice) and realized that the reason it creases isn't because the waist is too long, it's because it's too small in the ribcage and I've been zipping it and wearing it too low .  Doh!  Anyway, I unzipped it a bit and hiked it up - Poof!  All the things I was unsure about seemed to disappear. Yay!


What would I do without you!?!



-- Edited by LMonet at 18:55, 2005-10-21

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To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment ~ {Ralph Waldo Emerson}
Tati


Chanel

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RE: Attack of 'second thoughts'!!! Ack!
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go try on other dresses and if you find one you love get it. You DONT want to regret anything when it comes to your wedding, especially your dress.


when you put "second thoughts" i  was hoping it wasn't you having "second thoughts" about your wedding! :)



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smash


Dooney & Bourke

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i agree - i'm relieved that this thread wasn't about second thoughts on your fiance! ;)


i actually can relate to you - i bought my dress on a whim, partly fueled by the fact that it was really really affordable and i loved it and knew it was "the one" when i first tried it on. then during the planning i went through stages of absolutely LOATHING it to the point of being ready to go find a new dress. plus there were tons of fitting issues with it - that made me insane. my love for it seemed to just go downhill from the time i purchased it.


my advice it not to look for other dresses. seriously, i'm certain that there are a thousand dresses out there that could all be "the one" for you and you would look gorgeous in all of them. but i think that you are just going through a phase about your dress - everyone i know who got married went through a period of questioning their decision and/or hating their dress and in the end, after they wore the dress for their wedding, they all were glad that they stuck with their original gut feeling and decision. this is the same thing that happened to me. yes, there are lots of gals out there who change their mind and end up being even happier with a new dress, but i think that a lot of what you are feeling is just normal considering what a "big decision" this is -- it's perhaps the *most important* dress (and definitely one of the most expensive...) that you will ever buy so clearly that leaves a ton of room for questioning whether you made the right decision.


i think you should stick with the dress you have. it looked amazing on you in the photos that you posted and it really seemed like a "fate" experience that you found it how you did. honestly, i don't really think anyone seriously regrets the choice of dress they made on the day of their wedding. trust me - i seriously hated my dress so much at certain points that i cried about it (crazy, eh?), but i was so happy and felt so beautiful on my wedding day that it really didn't matter what dress i was wearing (although on my wedding day i truly felt happy with the decision i had made).


anyway, that is just my lengthy $0.02. i just think that going out shopping for other dresses is just going to make you feel more confused about your dress situation. i would just stick with the dress you have. you really won't regret it, i'm speaking from experience here.



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"to be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its night and day to make you everybody else, means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop trying." - ee cummings
gruiz


Kenneth Cole

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I've gotta go with Smash on this one. I think I even mentioned something about "second thoughts" in your original dress post.

You could keep looking forever, and I can guarantee that even if you find a different dress you will STILL wonder if there's a better one out there somewhere.

I had second thoughts about my dress (I actually get to pick it up tonight), but I knew when I put it on that it was right. You've gotta go with your gut instinct.

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Starstuff


Kenneth Cole

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wow -- I can relate 100%. I bought the first dress I tried on. I did try on a bunch more before I plunked down (my mother's) plastic, but I just really liked the dress, despite it being different than what I thought "my dress" would look like.


Fast forward to me getting the call that my dress was in and to come inspect it to make sure it was the right color, size, etc.


I was so disappointed when I saw it again! It was the exact dress I tried on, but in the few months btwn buying the dress and actually seeing it again, I sort of fell out of love with it. I'd been looking around at other dresses (I make it sound like I was cheating on it), and realized how much I liked other styles -- namely all lace with an a-line. I was crushed, not only b/c I was disappointed about not liking my dress anymore, but also b/c I couldn't afford another one. I was stuck!


Fast forward to final fitting -- the dress fits perfectly, I know how to move in it (it has a long train), it's very 'me'. I've made my peace with this dress, in part b/c while it is my wedding dress, and for that reason very special, it also is *just* my wedding dress, if you know what I mean? I don't have to wear the dress once a week, or once a month, or ever again, if I don't want. The rest of my life won't be shaped by the dress I wear for 10 hours on my wedding day. The dresses I've been admiring on other ppl have been dresses that probably wouldn't have looked good on me, aren't really something that fits my personality, etc.


I'm not sure how much help I've given, but hopefully you'll get something from the commiseration that I had tons of feelings of guilt and regret surrounding my dress, but in the end I'm happy with it. It is a big decision, and some panic about it is completely normal, I think.


My advice is to try it on again. Wear it for an hour, at least. Get use to what it feels like to wear it. Wear it around the house, look at yourself in all different mirrors. Try on the jewlery you're going to wear, put your hair into an arrangement that is similar to the one you're going to wear it in. If it still isn't working, then look around and try on other dresses. Chances are, however, that this is the dress for you.  



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"I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch." - G. Radner
jj


Kate Spade

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I agree with everything Smash and Starstuff said - you could literally go nuts searching for the ultimate gown (I almost did).  The choices and options are overwhelming, I was afraid I would miss out on something if I didn't go to every bridal shop in the DC metro area, and fashion's my thing, so it had to be perfect.


It had to be timeless, elegant, unique, make me look insanely gorgeous, thrill my soon-to-be husband...that's a lot to ask from a dress.


I never went through an "I hate it" phase, but I certainly went through an "I'm just not sure!" phase.


In the end, it was perfect.  Absolutely perfect.  I love that dress.  I am still figuring out ways to wear it again.  When I look at our pictures, I wonder how I could have ever doubted my choice.


That said, if you really don't want to wear it, you could always resell it to recoup some of the costs.



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laken1


Hermes

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Tati wrote:
go try on other dresses and if you find one you love get it. You DONT want to regret anything when it comes to your wedding, especially your dress.
when you put "second thoughts" i  was hoping it wasn't you having "second thoughts" about your wedding! :)


I totally agree, and especially about the 2nd thoughts part. I really didn't want to have that conversation with you!

ETA: wow, after reading the other girls' posts I'm confused now......this coming from the girl that wore a $120 Ann Taylor dress & shoes with cards on them.....so sorry - i'm so not any help.

-- Edited by laken1 at 17:25, 2005-10-20

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Elle


Hermes

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I cannot even describe how much better you girls have made me feel about the situation ! 


I feel much more at peace with the dress I have.  But I think I'm going to keep my appointment tomorrow.  In part to try on shoes and veils (which I thought I wasn't going to wear when I thought my dress was going to be more elaborate), and so I can have some closure with the whole dress shopping experience.  Is that totally weird?  I kind of feel like I got cheated out of the whole 'bridal salon' experience, since I found my dress at a consignment shop there was no one there to fuss over me, and I don't get to be excited about the dress coming in and going to pick it up. 


  Yes, I am a huge dork.  "My special daaaaaaaaaaaaay!  You can't ruin my special daaaaaaaaaaaay!".  Sheesh!


What is it about a wedding that makes normal people go batshit?  Anyway, thanks again ladies.  You're the best



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To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment ~ {Ralph Waldo Emerson}
gruiz


Kenneth Cole

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LMonet wrote:
I kind of feel like I got cheated out of the whole 'bridal salon' experience, since I found my dress at a consignment shop there was no one there to fuss over me, and I don't get to be excited about the dress coming in and going to pick it up. 



You're lucky to HAVE your dress, though. My dress came in yesterday, and I got to go "visit it". They keep it at the shop because it'll be insured while it remains there. So, I have to pick out shoes, and jewelry without having the dress. It's awful.

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theotherjess


Chanel

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Tati wrote:

go try on other dresses and if you find one you love get it. You DONT want to regret anything when it comes to your wedding, especially your dress. when you put "second thoughts" i  was hoping it wasn't you having "second thoughts" about your wedding! :)
That's what I thought too!

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Bad taste is like a nice dash of paprika. We all could use more of it. It's no taste I'm against. -Diana Vreeland
jj


Kate Spade

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RE: *UPDATE* Attack of 'second thoughts'!!! Ack!
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Just read your update - so glad everything is working out! You are going to be stunning!!

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