STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Metric · Gucci

weird situation with bf's parents

atlgirl · Gucci

I think you probably just need to let it go....I don't mean that in a mean way, but it's obviously still bothering you after all this time, and you'll feel lighter if you leave that bit of baggage behind at some point.

If it helps, write a letter to his dad, and tell him everything you feel about that. But don't send it. I know it sounds so stupid, but it really does help. I'm not one to hold grudges or hang on to stuff like that normally, but occasionally some things just get under my skin. And I just have to remind myself that in the overall scheme of life, most of what still bothers me is terribly inconsequential.

I'm glad to hear that your BF turned out so well though! That must have been a heart-wrenching time for you, and I'm glad it's in the past now. *hugs*

cat · Marc Jacobs

I would nerver say to you to just get over it because I understand why somthing like that would hurt.Having said that I think the best thing you can do is let it go.I mean if your bf dosn't care what his parnets think of you.Then you should not care.I wouldn't take them not liking you personally.My father has never ever liked anyone I've dated,and I've come to belive he will never think anyone is good enough to be with me.All that matters is how your bf feels about you.

Well thats my two cents for what it's worth.Hope it helps.

sage · Dooney & Bourke

I am guessing the time you spend with BF's parents is limited to REALLY special occasions?? It woul be so cool if you could just corner Mr. Hang-Up and say "Remember that? Why did you do that?" The sad thing is rude people who do shitty things like that really don't care how their behaviour hurts other people. They are so self centered it is sad. It will come back to him in the form or really bad karma some day. For sure. The important thing is you and BF are happy as clams and the 'rents have no influence on said happiness.

poptart · Coach

I have mixed feelings on this. On the one hand, I can see how it might be so much better for you to approach Mr. Dad and just ask for clarification, because maybe he didn't mean to be rude. Maybe he was just really worried about where his son was or whatever. (This is hard to imagine, but conceivable.) And maybe it would help him to see you as an individual, not just his son's GF.

But, part of me thinks that you might be happier, in the long run, if you let it go as something unfortunate that happened in the old days.

In the end, I think it depends on how much it bothers you and whether you think the outcome is potentially good enough to merit the possible discomfort of a chat with Mr. Dad.

And I'm so sorry he did that to you!

blink · Coach

Well, his dad was rude. But I bet anything he didn't really care at that point and probably hasn't given it a second thought. Maybe he was stressed by your story about your break-up and drama and didn't want to hear anything like that about his son, who knows? Maybe he believed the break up to be for good and therefore considered you history? Family, whether bad or good, have a way of dismissing significant others of their kids sometimes. I say if it bothers you then yes tell your boyfriend that his dad hung up on you, you should get this off your chest, but then just forgive this situation and move on. If his family truly mistreats you, in the future, it is your boyfriend's responsibility to confront the issue, stand up for your relationship and resolve it.

Metric · Gucci

Thanks guys. Altgirl- you were right, just writing it all down (in this post, I didn't do a letter) felt very theraputic. I think I just needed to get it out, I've been holding on to it for too long.

bumblebee · Coach

this might be really crazy, but are you sure it was intentional? is he an older person? my dad has hung up on me before, especially when he was trying to answer call-waiting. people of their generation sometimes get kind of befuddled by things like that. not trying to excuse him, and obviously you would think that he would call back or apologize at a later date or something--but maybe if he was distraught by your b-f being missing or whatever, maybe he didn't think of it?

**edit--i went back and re-read the scenario. i dind't remember that he called you. yeah that is really weird/rude.

-- Edited by bumblebee at 21:38, 2005-10-20

beachgirl · Kenneth Cole

I have had issues w/my boyfriends parents too, so I feel your pain. One time he went on a family vacation w/out me & we weren't getting along too well at the time, so the entire time he was gone, which was 4 days, he didn't call once. I had no idea when he would be home, if he was coming home, or what was going on. When he finally did get home, he went straight into our room & locked himself in without a word! I couldn't believe it, I was steamed! He wouldn't talk to me, wouldn't open the door to OUR room, so, I ended up calling his parents, which was wrong, but, I was at a loss & wanted to know what the heck was going on. His mom was so rude to me on the phone...she said things like, oh, he was perfectly happy all week, I have no idea what could be wrong. When we got back we had a barbeque & swam & he was very happy when he left to go home, so I just can't imagine what could have happened between the time he left & the time he got home. She even said, oh, well, maybe he's just tired & sleeping, you should just leave him alone and let him rest. So then when we hung up she called him on his cell (so I wouldn't know). And in general she's just always saying little comments & little jabs, it's hard to deal with, but I've learned to just ignore her. If she says a jab, I just turn away & have learned to never answer, I'm hoping she'll realize that it's not going to get to me & just eventually stop.

Sorry to hijack your thread! I do feel better getting it off of my chest. It's hard to be treated poorly, but I've realized that noone would ever be good enough in her eyes, and that my boyfriend can do no wrong so I just have to accept that.