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Post Info TOPIC: i need your help.... ***UPDATE***
sephorablue


Marc Jacobs

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RE: i need your help....
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LMonet wrote:

Man, you girls are good !
I was thinking that too.

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crystal


Kate Spade

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*** UPDATE ***


so in my last email i asked him if he got my message & i told him to call me, neither are addressed in this email... wtf???


"Glad you guys all enjoyed the show.  I actually found the owner of the dog....  I went to a vet's office and found a "missing dog" flyer and it was the dog!!  Exciting stuff.  I have you on the list + 1 for Vegas.  I can get 2 more tickets for your friends (is that enough?)...just let me know what name to put it under and I'll take care of it.  Vegas is going to be another hectic day for me....I have to host people from the radio station...and I have a flight to Palm Springs
really early the next morning (for a wedding)....so I don't think I'll really be able to hang out this time.  I've been so busy lately (I'm actually still in the office right now and it's 9PM!).  The start of a tour is always pretty rough.  But I think this is going to be a good tour.  The band is really fired up.  Anyway....hope you had a good day.....and I'll talk to you soon...."


honestly, i think it's more painful for him to keep telling me how busy he is than it would be if he actually broke up w/ me!  i wish he would call me instead of email because i don't want to ask him what the hell is going on via email, but clearly something as vague as "call me" doesn't work.... ugh!



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D


Hermes

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Posts: 8209
Date:
RE: i need your help.... ***UPDATE***
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crystal wrote:




*** i asked him if he got my message & i told him to call me, neither are addressed in this email... wtf???


i wish he would call me instead of email because i don't want to ask him what the hell is going on via email, but clearly something as vague as "call me" doesn't work.... ugh!




honey, I'm going to be straight foward (not like I haven't been already) he doesn't want to be your boyfriend. he is trying to be your friend. he is not going to call you. he doesn't want the icky break up conversation. if you ask him "what the hell is going on" you will lose him as a friend and your concert tickets.


your choice.



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blubirde


Chanel

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detroit wrote:


honey, I'm going to be straight foward (not like I haven't been already) he doesn't want to be your boyfriend. he is trying to be your friend. he is not going to call you. he doesn't want the icky break up conversation. if you ask him "what the hell is going on" you will lose him as a friend and your concert tickets. your choice.


Ouch! But unfortunately, I have to agree. Detroit's right. He's trying to ease the transition from boyfriend to friend without having the ugly conversation. I'd just save my pride and back away, keeping it completely friendly at this point if I still wanted the concert ticket hookups.


You know, this situation sucks and I really feel for you. But at this point the ball's in your court. (Although the ball is all deflated and scuffed up and when it hits the ground it just stays there instead of bouncing cheerily next to you.)


What do you think you're going to do?



-- Edited by blubirde at 11:54, 2005-10-19

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D


Hermes

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blubirde wrote:

detroit wrote: honey, I'm going to be straight foward (not like I haven't been already) he doesn't want to be your boyfriend. he is trying to be your friend. he is not going to call you. he doesn't want the icky break up conversation. if you ask him "what the hell is going on" you will lose him as a friend and your concert tickets. your choice. Ouch! But unfortunately, I have to agree. Detroit's right. He's trying to ease the transition from boyfriend to friend without having the ugly conversation. I'd just save my pride and back away, keeping it completely friendly at this point if I still wanted the concert ticket hookups. You know, this situation sucks and I really feel for you. But at this point the ball's in your court. (Although the ball is all deflated and scuffed up and when it hits the ground it just stays there instead of bouncing cheerily next to you.) What do you think you're going to do?-- Edited by blubirde at 11:54, 2005-10-19
I know. I'm sorry. I'm not good at being sappy and sugar coating things. I just wanted to cut to the chase.

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blubirde


Chanel

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detroit wrote:

I know. I'm sorry. I'm not good at being sappy and sugar coating things. I just wanted to cut to the chase.

Oh, don't be sorry! How I wish the people in my life would just cut to the chase and quit trying to be nice. The path to hell is paved with good intentions.


It's a talent - a much appreciated one as far as I can tell.



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sfcaligirl


Dooney & Bourke

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awww, i'm sorry crystal!  what a shithead!!!!

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crystal


Kate Spade

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detroit wrote:

I know. I'm sorry. I'm not good at being sappy and sugar coating things. I just wanted to cut to the chase.
no, i like this about you... as painful as it is, i need to hear it!  you are right... i guess my brain just can't comprehend a 34 year old seemingly well adjusted man not having the b*lls to break up w/ me!  i mean, unless the last girl he broke up w/ was a psycho or something... i just wish he would give me a chance to show him that i can handle it and would actually be a better friend if i new where we stood!  oh well, moving on...

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D


Hermes

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not to beat a dead horse, but one more thing, Crystal...


I have been you, and almost everyone else that posts relationship issues on this board. I did the things you want to do. Been there and back many times.


I guess I just want to give you insight to help empower you and help you be a strong and confident woman that knows she deserves only the best treatment and doesn't take crap from men. 


That's all - only the best of intentions here.  I also understand that people sometimes need to make their own mistakes to better learn from them. I'm just trying to help you shorten the length of time you are in pain over this, because I know how much it hurts, and wish you weren't going through this.



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D


Hermes

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crystal wrote:

detroit wrote: I know. I'm sorry. I'm not good at being sappy and sugar coating things. I just wanted to cut to the chase. no, i like this about you... as painful as it is, i need to hear it!  you are right... i guess my brain just can't comprehend a 34 year old seemingly well adjusted man not having the b*lls to break up w/ me!  i mean, unless the last girl he broke up w/ was a psycho or something... i just wish he would give me a chance to show him that i can handle it and would actually be a better friend if i new where we stood!  oh well, moving on...
ah - age has nothing to do with it - most men are like this until they die. they'll do anything to avoid an uncomfortable conversation, and will always want to be your "friend" 

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dc


Dooney & Bourke

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Crystal, I am so sorry to hear all of this. What a dick! The avoidance is so obvious that it's just sort of pathetic in its wimpiness.

I agree with everything detroit said. And you can still get out of this being able to use him for getting on VIP lists (I am not a user or advocate of using, but in this case, he deserves it)! He's the real loser here - he should BE so lucky as to have a girlfriend like you.

Anyway, be the "bigger" one here. You don't need him, and he knows it. You probably would have gotten bored of him after the novelty wore off, and I bet it happens to him all the time - once girls find out he's a snooze underneath all the band stuff, they probably lose interest. Just make the transition to friend/acquaintance, and in the future when he makes passes at you (as detroit says, he will), brush him off. As of right now, YOU have the upper hand. Hold on to that. He doesn't deserve another second of your time or angst, though.



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bumblebee


Coach

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yeah, sadly i am with detroit and dc, too. 


from both of his e-mails, it does really sound like he is basically a pretty nice guy who just can't/won't deal with the awkwardness of breaking up.  he may not even be sure that that's what he wants, but for now i think the smartest thing to do is to know in your head that it's over and go towards the friend thing.  his quickness with adding two extra people to the show makes me think that he is very open to you "leveraging his shittiness" as detroit called it, so i'd take advantage of that. 


i don't know why men are like this, but i've been in your shoes myself a few times and they seem to do this frequently.  they will do ANYTHING to avoid having the icky "breakup talk."  it sounds weird to say, but I actually think it's in his favor as a human being that he has moved quickly into being your friend, rather than disappearing off the face of the earth and cutting off contact altogether--which happens a lot. 



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shopgirl82


Chanel

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i agree with what the other girls said, and have really nothing significant to add except....


GO FOR THE BAND. 


he's probably used to all the girls going after the band members that he has a version of little man's syndrome.  that way you can have the tickets without getting them from him. 


like i said, nothing really significant, but you deserve better. 



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crystal


Kate Spade

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Posts: 1269
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thank you girls so much!  you are all so wise & insightful!  i've already got a couple guys in mind for my next adventure... super hot flings though, nothing that will put me in this situation again!

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esquiress


Marc Jacobs

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Posts: 2053
Date:
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crystal sweetie you know my feelings from my emails.  love you and have to tritto the other girls--he so doesn't deserve you.

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