STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Deuce · Dooney & Bourke

friend issue

nunzi182 · Kate Spade

I really don't think she should be *too* mad. If she is as good a friend as you say she is, then she should understand your issues with having your alone time. I'm the same as you. I would much rather be alone than hanging with a bunch of friends. However, my friends understand this as they are a lot like me. When we actually DO hang out, it's as if we haven't been apart for very long because we can just pick up where we left off.

That being said, if she isn't answering your phone calls, I would say that you really should leave a message apologizing. At this point, she probably doesn't know that you realize she heard you and is just ignoring you because she's hurt. She probably doesn't know you're calling to apologize, so if you leave a quick message saying you need to apologize, she may very well call you back to chat. HTH!

Hermes

I would just write her a friendly note. I would say something like, "hey, I haven't heard from you in so long I thought I would drop you a note. I'm dissapointed that the last time you were here I was so caught up in boy problems, and frankly was relieved when you left because I felt really bad for subjecting you to all that, and couldn't find it in me to be good company. Anyway, things are falling into place for me (yada, yada, yada). Since I'm in a better place, I would love to spend some time with you because I miss us hanging out! You're such a good friend, and I don't think I tell you how much I appreciate having you in my life enough (especially during boy problem times). Let me know when we can get together again!"

or something like that - just the general idea. I wouldn't apologize because you really didn't do anything wrong - she possibly overheard you say something out of context, that's all.

FashionPrincess · Hermes

Ditto what detroit said. I really think that is the best way to handle the situation.

esquiress · Marc Jacobs

exactly what do you think she heard, word for word? and how many times have you called her, exactly? are we talking daily for several months or like once a month? it worries me that it's been several months because that is a long time so i'm trying to figure out if there is more to the story?

Hermione · Kate Spade

I'm at work so I didn't have time to thoroughly read everyone's responses, but I would also write her a note/ email and tell her exactly what detroit said - but do NOT mention the phone call. maybe she didn't hear it and you don't want to bring that up just in case. let her bring it up if she did hear it.

member · Hermes

Maybe I'm missing something - but how would she have heard what you said? Were you on the cell phone w/her and you switched back to your mom? Or were you on your cell w/her and then your mom called on your home phone maybe? Anyhow - I'm not getting how you're sure she heard everything?

Besides that, I agree w/Detroit and the others - write her an email or leave her a vm, not mentioning the phone call. Just a friendly note saying you miss her and hope to hear from her soon.

Deuce · Dooney & Bourke

Just to clarify, I was on my cell with her and my home phone with my mom. It was early and I think I was groggy from not enough sleep and didn't hang up very quickly.

I didn't want to apologizie on the phone at first because I didn't think she heard anything. I didn't want to bring it up if that is not the reason. I think I hung up, but that is all I could think of when I think back on it.

It has been several months. at first I called once a week for a few weeks and then called a few random times for a month or so. My last message was to the effect of "Hey I havent heard from you. Thanks for comming up. I am worried that you made it home okay. Give me a call back I would like to talk to you....." Nothing too in depth but enough to let her know I knew something was wrong and I wanted to talk.

I really want to send her a note but she had moved recently and I don't have the address and I think I have her old email.

I was thinking about calling her parents, who I know she talks to and I know them. They like me, or used to. Just to convey the message that I love her and miss her, and clarify a little.

I am a bit upset that she would let our friendship go that easily. She does know about my antisocialness(?) she used to be my upstairs neighbor. We bonded over our mutual dislike for human interaction on a large scale.

Thanks for the advice. I needed to talk to someone about it.

Hermione · Kate Spade

Call her parents to get the address and then chat with them a bit when you do - see if they'll tell you anything. plus if she talks to them often they might be like "hey, duece called, she said she misses you, what's up?"

i'm actually about to have to do something similar with another of my friends ... this situation is eerily similar!