STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

jen · Kate Spade

ugh...so upset

Chic · Marc Jacobs

First off I am really sorry that girl yelled at you....that is no fun!

OK now I can relate a little bit, I have a friend that used to tell me she was coming in town and then never show, or sometimes she would tell me she as coming to get me to go out and then never show up. She would act like she never said she was coming over.... Well I decided to just stop making plans with her all together, since we did have friends in common then I would still be very nice to her when we were together, I just stopped going out of my way, calling her or making plans. Years later she has now gotten married and gotten her act together and has stopped her flakiness, I can't say that your friend will ever grow up, but I would just stop the extras, like offering her a ride. I am very sorry that she is treating you this way! Good luck!

luckylily · Gucci

I'm so sorry, Jen. That is awful.

I would let this one go. She is a horrible friend. IMO, life is too short to waste time on people who don't bother to return the friendship in the way you deserve.

You don't need to "break up" with her. You could just stop calling and contacting. You'll probably still see her from time to time if you have some mutual friends, and that is probably fine. There is definitely no need to do favors for someone who treats you that way.

BTW, I hate confrontation too. I can imagine how frustrating that must have been. It is really awful that someone yelled at you like that too. {{{hugs}}}

nunzi182 · Kate Spade

I'm really sorry for your sh&tty experience. I have a question though, the girl that came out yelling at you, was that your friend, or another girl? If it were your friend, I would have just left her there.

jen · Kate Spade

No, the girl who yelled at me was just some random bitch.

nunzi182 · Kate Spade

How long have you been friends with this girl? Is she a childhood friend?

I'm in a similar situation with a childhood friend. We literally grew up living next door to each other and then drifted apart as we entered high school. Now that I'm getting married next month, she's in the bridal party, but it is ridiculously difficult to get her to call me back or make plans. We have plans one day and then 15 minutes before we're supposed to meet she'll text me, not even call me, to cancel. I feel your pain, really. I hate confrontation too so I just let it slide until I can come up with a better solution. Sorry that's not much help, but you can't control your friend; you can only control how you feel about the situation.

Christine · Coach

Oh wow, that sucks. I agree with Luckylily -- IMO it would be best to just stop calling her, etc. You can be polite when you see her, but other than that I wouldn't put forth any effort. It doesn't sound like she deserves to have you as a friend.

The girl who came out and yelled at you -- omg, I would have been so shocked if it were me, but other than that, I don't know how I would have handled it. I hate confrontation too.....How did you react to her? Did you convince her to go away and leave you alone?

Andrea Julia · Coach

Chic wrote:

First off I am really sorry that girl yelled at you....that is no fun! OK now I can relate a little bit, I have a friend that used to tell me she was coming in town and then never show, or sometimes she would tell me she as coming to get me to go out and then never show up. She would act like she never said she was coming over.... Well I decided to just stop making plans with her all together, since we did have friends in common then I would still be very nice to her when we were together, I just stopped going out of my way, calling her or making plans. Years later she has now gotten married and gotten her act together and has stopped her flakiness, I can't say that your friend will ever grow up, but I would just stop the extras, like offering her a ride. I am very sorry that she is treating you this way! Good luck!

I totally agree with just being nice when she is around, but not putting in any extra effort. I had a friend like this, too. She would call me and ask me to hang out and then never show up. Not only would she not call to say this, but she wouldn't answer if I were to call her either. If I talked to her a few days later and brought it up, it was always some excuse like her phone went dead, she fell asleep, she didn't have enough money to go out, or was having car problems (or something like car problems that was a valid excuse but still doesn't explain not calling to say she couldn't make it).

I was friends with her since high school and she was also friends with another friend of mine (who she does this to, too, but she is more of a pushover than me). So, when I see her, I am friendly. She is actually really fun to hang out with, more fun than anyone else I know. I will sometimes hang out with her alone, too. If she calls and asks me to hang out, I will just say yes, but if something else comes up, I will do that instead. Most of the time, this works out.

Hermes

I'd dump her ass.

friends come and go during our lifetimes, she would be a definite goner in my book.

I wrote the above prior to understanding that it was a random stranger that yelled at you and called you a bitch - I thought it was the friend in question.

I agree with tara t's comment...

-- Edited by detroit at 12:03, 2005-10-14

tara t · Marc Jacobs

she's a bad weed. get rid of her.

someone once told me to "love out of love, not obligation."

in this case, switch the word love to like.

-- Edited by tara t at 11:57, 2005-10-14

Sunshinegirl · Kate Spade

I agree. She's a goner. I have no problem "breaking up" and telling them so or just not calling anymore if i feel it's a harmful relationship.

Some relationships may never mature and will always be destructive due to personality differences. Do not feel bad about it. Either stop calling her or tell her that your relationship with her isnt working and you wish her the best (no hard feelings) but bye bye.