STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Elle · Hermes

What to do?

kenzie · Chanel

Is this full-time or part-time? If you can afford not to work, I wouldn't do it if it's a job you wouldn't be happy in (and trust me, I can understand why you wouldn't be happy in that position!!). There's no point in making yourself miserable when you don't have to.

FWIW, I think that you should really do some soul searching and find what you truly want to do and pursue that fullforce. You have the means to do so. I wish I did!! Heaven knows I would quit this job in a second to pursue jewelry design and musical theatre. You have a rare opportunity! Take it, don't fall back into something that doesn't make you happy. Money so isn't worth it.

Maddie · Coach

Let me preface this by saying I've never had any sort of real job, so I don't know what I'm talking about.

Personally, I would take it. Why not? Do you actually need those 40 hours a week to figure out what you want to do with your life? Is that what you're actually spending the time doing? It seems like you could be thinking about that just as easily if you were employed. And then cause you don't need the money, if you figured out what you wanted to do or HATED the job, you could quit.

kenzie · Chanel

Maddie wrote:

Let me preface this by saying I've never had any sort of real job, so I don't know what I'm talking about. Personally, I would take it. Why not? Do you actually need those 40 hours a week to figure out what you want to do with your life? Is that what you're actually spending the time doing? It seems like you could be thinking about that just as easily if you were employed. And then cause you don't need the money, if you figured out what you wanted to do or HATED the job, you could quit.

I definitely see what you're saying, Maddie and it makes sense, if you need the money. However, it's been my experience that looking for a job is a job (and like you said, you've never really had a job, so there's no way you could know that--i'm not talking down to you or trying to insult you or anything, so don't take that the wrong way

). It takes so much time to really do it right and not working is the perfect opportunity to do that. And also, without a full-time job, the option is open to take classes in anything that strikes your fancy. And if you're working a full-time job that you hate, it really, really is a drain on the rest of your life, so that's why I say, the money isn't worth it. Just thought I would shed a little more light on my opinion. JMO!

-- Edited by NylaBelle at 14:33, 2005-10-10

laken1 · Hermes

I am so in your same situation as far as not "needing" the money, but kinda feeling bad about not working. I really must admit, I really don't want to go back full time, but I want to do something part time because I just feel like a lazy bump on a log. There's only so much house straightening & painting to do, then I just think you get less & less motivated. I read some statistic that if you are out of work (by choice) for a year, the likely hood of going back decreases drastically. I completely understand because I really think i'd have issue with people telling me what to do now!

All that being said, I agree somewhat with Maddie in that if you really HATE it you could quit. I am a firm believer in that if something falls into your lap (like it sounds like this did) that maybe you should take it - you could always sock away the money & save for some really obnoxious shopping, or something practical. Do you think it will make you miserable or you'll just be "whatever" about the job? Because if really, there's no use in making yourself completely miserable for money. Is it an issue with you working so close to your FH?

But have you thought about what you really want to do? Speaking personally, I have to admit that I really believe the right thing will come along eventually, etc etc but I haven't spent a great deal of time soul searching or deciding anything. Which also makes me feel kind of guilty when I know there are people that would be thrilled to have any job at all & I'm being all kinds of picky about requirements (that it be part time, during the week, fairly close to my house). I feel like I should have a purpose & I so don't & that is frustrating as well.

So i guess i just rambled & didn't help at all, but at least you know you aren't alone!

bumblebee · Coach

I feel like sometimes when things fall in your lap, it's worth checking them out. It does seem like it wouldn't be something that you would have to make your life, unless you wanted to, and you would be free to quit whenever you wanted if something better came up or you decided to go to school, since you don't need the money. as long as you wouldn't get overly-invested in it mentally/emotionally or feel like the job was keeping you from pursuing other dreams, i think it's cool.

this is just me, but i am much more motivated when i am working, even if it's a job that i don't love. too much free time makes me a procrastinator.

JoceyBaby23 · Gucci

I would take it. It will keep you busy for now. Pay sounds good and there is a chance to get promoted! If you don't like it, decide you want to go back to school etc etc.. you can always quit. If you turn it down, you may miss out on a great career and could be left wondering what could have been. I see NO cons in this situation. I would def give it a shot.

FashionPrincess · Hermes

Well, I don't think you should just try it out and quit if you don't like it since it is your FH's place of employment, that could reflect badly on him, make sense?

If I were you, I would look for something more part time and then in your other time you could volunteer or get involved in theatre or whatever hobbies you like.

Elle · Hermes

laken1 wrote:

I am so in your same situation as far as not "needing" the money, but kinda feeling bad about not working. I really must admit, I really don't want to go back full time, but I want to do something part time because I just feel like a lazy bump on a log. There's only so much house straightening & painting to do, then I just think you get less & less motivated. I read some statistic that if you are out of work (by choice) for a year, the likely hood of going back decreases drastically. I completely understand because I really think i'd have issue with people telling me what to do now! All that being said, I agree somewhat with Maddie in that if you really HATE it you could quit. I am a firm believer in that if something falls into your lap (like it sounds like this did) that maybe you should take it - you could always sock away the money & save for some really obnoxious shopping, or something practical. Do you think it will make you miserable or you'll just be "whatever" about the job? Because if really, there's no use in making yourself completely miserable for money. Is it an issue with you working so close to your FH? But have you thought about what you really want to do? Speaking personally, I have to admit that I really believe the right thing will come along eventually, etc etc but I haven't spent a great deal of time soul searching or deciding anything. Which also makes me feel kind of guilty when I know there are people that would be thrilled to have any job at all & I'm being all kinds of picky about requirements (that it be part time, during the week, fairly close to my house). I feel like I should have a purpose & I so don't & that is frustrating as well. So i guess i just rambled & didn't help at all, but at least you know you aren't alone!

Well, aren't we just two peas in a pod, Laken! Ditto on absolutely everything you said! I think you and I might have some more discussing to do on this .

Thank you all so much for your thoughts. It's not something I could take and then just up and quit, since it is FH's work and it's his boss that's offering me the job. It wouldn't jeopardize his position, but it could make things awkward for everyone involved and I would feel bad about taking advantage of their generosity.

I'm also someone who feels like my job needs to be in line with my purpose in life, and that the right thing will come along. I find having a full-time job that is not in line with that is extremely draining and life-sucking.

Now for figuring out what exactly I want to do .... well hell if I know! There are just so many things that I don't know where to start AT ALL! If this position was part-time I would be 95% sure about taking it, since I could still have time to myself as well as time to research/interview/pursue promising opportunities. It seems like this job would be a temporary fix, and I still wouldn't be any closer to doing something I actually like. I think I'm deciding against it for now .

Thanks for the insights.

kenzie · Chanel

LMonet wrote:

I'm also someone who feels like my job needs to be in line with my purpose in life, and that the right thing will come along. I find having a full-time job that is not in line with that is extremely draining and life-sucking. Now for figuring out what exactly I want to do .... well hell if I know! There are just so many things that I don't know where to start AT ALL! If this position was part-time I would be 95% sure about taking it, since I could still have time to myself as well as time to research/interview/pursue promising opportunities. It seems like this job would be a temporary fix, and I still wouldn't be any closer to doing something I actually like. I think I'm deciding against it for now . Thanks for the insights.

I absolutely agree, as I am in a life-sucking job right now. Weren't you a dancer or a dance instructor at one point? What about choreography or dancing or something like that? You could join a community theatre or dance company. Like I said before, take this opportunity to take classes and experience new things and hopefully, you'll stumble upon something you love.

Elle · Hermes

It's definitely been/being considered, Nyla. As for the dance thing goes, it's just so complicated! It's so hard to tell a 'good' school from Dolly Dinkle's School of Dance, and if you try to take an advanced class, they grill you to death because so many girls say they are advanced but aren't, or you end up in class with 20 highschoolers, or the second they find out you were a teacher they try to get you to teach or they try to impress you with their class, etc. I was so burned out on teaching ... not something I'm too interested in getting into again anytime soon. Choreograpy is all about connections, so it's a possiblity still.

But I don't know if I want to go back to doing something I've done before, you know? I'm blinded, and therefore frozen, by all the possiblities. Travel agent? Nurse? Retail buyer? Wedding planner? Bridal boutique associate? Choreographer? Marine biogist? They're all things that I've tossed around at one point, and obviously some are more practical than others. Some are more lucrative than others. Some require more qualifications and schooling than others. If anybody knows anything about these fields I'm all ears! I feel like I'm going around in circles because it's just so damn overwhelming.

I will take your advice and try to get involved in some interesting activities - after all it's alot harder for something to find me if I'm sitting in my apartment, yeah? Hopefully good things will lead to good things.

Thanks guys . I feel better, and more motivated, to do something - whether it be a job or something that could potentially lead to a job in the future.

gruiz · Kenneth Cole

I think you should give it a shot. I've found it's much easier to get another job once you have a job (if that makes sense). It'll kind of give you a jumpstart to figure out what it is you really want to do.

As much as I dislike working everyday, I do think the structure it provides helps to organize the mind. And the fact that you don't HAVE to work to survive will ensure that you don't get stuck in a job you hate.

Good luck. I hope it works out for you.

kenzie · Chanel

I'm pretty sure that you might be able to get into retail buying by starting in a training program at a department store (like Nordies or Bloomies--I think they both have training tracks).

Marine Biology definitely requires a degree and proximity to water or Sea World, or so I understand.

I'm sure you could easily get a Bridal boutique associate position. Just hit the pavement and visit the local boutiques.

Farrah · Marc Jacobs

You should take it if only for the time being. Hospitals have great benefits and if they have a tuition reimbursement plan you could possibly take some classes to get you on the right track for free or nearly free.

Oh and BTW, more money is always nice. If you and FH don't need the second income just take your checks and put them into a savings account for your wedding, a down payment on a house or a rainy day. You have been out of work for 4 months so I think it is time to get back in the game. From an HR stand point being out of work for too long can be a red flag on a resume/application so I would also consider that when you are deciding about staying out of work.

kenzie · Chanel

Farrah wrote:

From an HR stand point being out of work for too long can be a red flag on a resume/application so I would also consider that when you are deciding about staying out of work.

Farrah, I'm just wondering...if someone is unemployed, but they fill that time with lots of volunteer work and other activities is that bad? I'm just curious. Sorry for the mini-hijack.

Farrah · Marc Jacobs

NylaBelle wrote:

Farrah wrote: From an HR stand point being out of work for too long can be a red flag on a resume/application so I would also consider that when you are deciding about staying out of work. Farrah, I'm just wondering...if someone is unemployed, but they fill that time with lots of volunteer work and other activities is that bad? I'm just curious. Sorry for the mini-hijack.

The volunteer work thing isn't bad, but other activities do not really count. Employers want to see that you have a good work ethic and that you are filling your time in the best way possible. Even if you went from being the Director of IT to waiting tables at Chili's they want to see the experience. It shows resilience and determination. A lot of employers also like to see restaurant and retail jobs on resumes because it gives them the impression that you have a good customer service background and that you have an outgoing personality.

Maddie · Coach

I know a fair amount about Marine Bio. I had planned my life around it until about 6 months ago. You pretty much need a masters. I actually did a TON of research into it if you have any specific questions.

Elle · Hermes

Maddie wrote:

I know a fair amount about Marine Bio. I had planned my life around it until about 6 months ago. You pretty much need a masters. I actually did a TON of research into it if you have any specific questions.

Thanks for the info! Anything that has 'masters' in the same sentence gets checked off the list IMMEDIATELY

! That's my own personal version of a 'dirty word'.

Christine · Coach

I wish you the best of luck in figuring out what you want to do, LMonet. In terms of the careers you tossed out there for thought, IMO I'd stay away from the travel agent idea. I was reading an article recently on MSN (I think 2 months ago) that listed the top 10 dead-end jobs to avoid (mostly for reasons such as becoming obsolete/unneeded) and travel agent was like #3 or something.

Oh, and I work in healthcare, and I can't stress enough how much nurses are needed -- as you probably know we've had an especially severe nationwide shortage of nurses for the past couple of years. Of course, this means you would work crazy demanding hours, but if it's your passion, then work never really feels like work!

HTH!

DC Shopper · Dooney & Bourke

my cousin's a marine biologist, but a lot of it is research and you do sort of need to get more than a BA (he got his PhD...took 10 years, too...)

Christine is right about nursing. i know some people getting into the field and they are finding jobs pretty much anywhere they want because there is such a desperate need for them. You could even get a job in the same hospital as your DH. I heard on the local news in DC that the average starting salary for nurses in this area is now something like $50,000. You could do a LOT of shopping with that if you don't need a dual income! Of course the hours can be rough, but it sounds like such a great and rewarding career. One thing I have heard though is that it can be hard to get into nursing school because a lot of schools are at capacity now...even though there is a demand for nurses and they'd like to let more people in.