STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Luv2Shop · Kate Spade

Not liking my new job.

kenzie · Chanel

Oh, that sucks!! I don't think that you should waste your time if you are unhappy. Life is too short. Perhaps you could explain that you took the job b/c it was a shorter commute (who can blame you for that, really, with gas prices the way they are), but you miss the creativity that your last job had?

I do think that it is possible to love what you do. I know several people who do, so settling isn't an option (at least for me). Good luck!! Keep us posted.

sage · Dooney & Bourke

I worked with a negative woman for a long time. She had not one positive thing to say about the company, anyone who worked for the company, etc, etc, she was nasty. I used to cry all the time(at home, of course) It was so stressful. Example of nastiness of woman: My SO travels in his job, and one snowy morning he headed out for an hour and a half drive. I commented at work that I was worried. Mrs Nastypants said "Yeah, if he gets in an accident he won't stand a chance". Seriously. So....I feel your pain. Buuuut...I hung in there and she retired and now everything is fine.

Ok, this woman probably won't be retiring any time soon if the job is her life. As for her coming in early and staying late, etc, do not feel guilty. Guilt is a useless feeling. Really. In most cases. It is not your responsibility. I feel it is good practice to do more than your job recquires, I think most people do this. But there is a point where even the boss will think she is working too much.

Hmmm, I seem to have veered off the point of this post. I say give it a bit longer. It is too soon to tell, and think about the improvement in the quality of your life outside of work.

-- Edited by sage at 18:25, 2005-10-11

Bastet · Kate Spade

Yuck! That sounds awful. I work with a large group of people, all of whom despise their jobs and are basically very bitter and negative. I cope by hiding at my desk and just doing my work. However, with the person I have to work with the most, I tried to be a good influence on her by talking about positive things that occur outside of working in the Hell-Office we're stuck in. It helped a lot. Maybe you can find things that the complaining woman likes and get her to talk more about them? If your work is boring try listening to books on cd/tape/mp3 when you're not dealing with customers.

Don't feel guilty if you don't come in early/stay late. She's not your boss. You have a life outside of work. :)

cc · Marc Jacobs

Working with negative people can be really draining. For the first six months that I was with my company I was in a department with all older women who complained about their jobs constantly even though they didn't have very much work to do. I think they had just been there for so long that they were bored to tears and they knew they wouldn't get fired. It did make me miserable sometimes but I tried to do what Bastet suggested - I made preemptive strikes by talking about things which I knew the women liked to talk about. One woman really liked baking so I would talk to her about recipes, ask what she had made recently etc. Usually it worked to help break them out of the complaining habit. If it didn't I just tried to block them out and focus on work or if I had free time I would goof around on the internet doing something fun or reading something that interested me just so my brain wouldn't turn to mush. After 6 months a position in a better group opened up and I took that job so it all worked out.

I think you should try to stick it out for a little bit longer and see if there is any way to deflect their negativity or to just ignore it. If things don't improve you should start looking for another job though. I think I would have been miserable if I had to stick with my original position for more than a year.

Luv2Shop · Kate Spade

Thanks girls,

it's just so hard to stay positive in this situation and I don't have friends at work anymore to vent to. You guys really keep me storng and I value your friendship like any other!!!!!

nunzi182 · Kate Spade

I would give it just a bit more time and if you can't stand it after that, it can't hurt to begin looking in other places. Good luck!

Andrea Julia · Coach

That sucks! It is so hard to spend 8+ hours someplace unpleasant. It is never "just a job." I know I spend more waking hours at work than doing anything fun. I bet this negative woman is really a factor in you not liking your job as well. I really think the attitude of those around you can change the way you view a situation. Even if you are someplace totally fun and the people around you are making fun of it or saying it is boring or horrible, it will start to not seem so fun. Now, take work, which is already kind of boring and horrible and add someone going on and on about how horrible it is and you just have a disaster.

The only thing I can think of to help you deal with this woman is to not give in to the negative conversations. If she starts talking about a negative customer, try to steer the conversation (or even just blatantly interrupt her) and start talking about something that is both positive and that will interest and distract her (maybe grandkids? a hobby she has? "Oh that's a pretty sweater, where did you get it?")

laken1 · Hermes

I'm so sorry - that is really just so hard - some people are just really unhappy & they try to project it to everyone around them! I agree with the deflecting the situation with conversation on some other topic, but is there any way you could make a positive comment to the things she says? Like when she talks negatively about a customer you could say "Really, I haven't had an issue with them yet & in general I try to come to conclusions on how I feel about customers by my personal interaction with them" - sometimes when the other person knows their opinion won't sway you they will sush. But sometimes not. But on the up side, your positive attitude may at the very least irritate her! Which would give me much joy

May not work or you may not be comfortable taking her head on, but it's worth a shot?

lsubatgirl · Gucci

Hey girl. I'm sorry you are disliking the new job. I will tell you just about every job I have ever had all the way back to high school I hated it the first few weeks I was there. One job I grew to love and left one we closed the business, One job I absolutely hated and it made me go back to school to get a masters so I'd never have to work in that field again, and One other I started off disliking but grew to like it but I never really felt right there so I stuck it out until I graduated.

My job now I do really like. Sometimes I love it and sometimes I do get bored to tears here but overall I'm glad I'm here and I know I'll have good days and bad. I like the people I work with on a daily basis and then I have friends I email all day and we talk back and forth about what is going on at their client.

So my advice is stick it out a little longer and see if you might like it or if its just a stepping stone to another place. While the shorter commute and the money might be nice, I'd rather be in a place I love going to every day and might take me 30 more minutes to get to. You'll know though soon enough where this place will fall and can adjust. I don't think its wrong to start looking/interviewing but I'm not sure how I'd address this current job.

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

I'm sorry - this sounds really hard. FWIW, I would be really careful about resisting her guilt trips. It's likely the first step to making your life hell. I know the type. Well, I think I know the type - it's hard to say for sure w/o meeting her.

The best way to handle this type, if I'm right, is to find the common core in her complaints and say somethign that will make her think you think the same way. NEVER disagree with her, she'll freak. You want her to feel heard and like you're both on the same side. This is important with this type. If you let her feel shaky, or like you're judging her, she might flip. For example, if she consistently complains about people not filling out the stupid paperwork correctly, figure out if she's mad that people are lazy, and complain about laziness in general. Or if she likes all the t's crossed and etc., then complain to her about slipshod work. There's always a theme in her head to all these complaints. It can be fascinating to discover what it is.

Anyway, this is a sucky situation, but it is also a really good opportunity to practice dealing with a common difficult type. So maybe just look at it like a social experiment and keep yourself interested by seeing how well you can manage her. This type isn't actively mean, just unhappy, so you're sort of doing her a favor, too. She needs to get out of her head and stop the cycle of complaints - they're just building on eachother. If she feels heard and a little bit like she's with someone safe, she'll be calmer, happier and, bonus, not on your nerves so much. Besides, by being nice to her you sort of defuse her annoying-ness. It's hard to be mad at someone that you're helping. And you'll feel better, too, because you'll have more control over the situation. Besides, if you are giving her the one thing she wants more than anything, she's not goign to try to take more from you because she won't want to disrupt the source. So no more guilt trips.

-- Edited by Dizzy at 14:56, 2005-10-16