STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Karina · Chanel

People who are close to their parents...

Farrah · Marc Jacobs

I love my parents very much and we are very close but there is no way in hell that I would ever live next door to them.

ico · Dooney & Bourke

Farrah wrote:

I love my parents very much and we are very close but there is no way in hell that I would ever live next door to them.

Ditto!
As much as I LOVE them, I couldn't live with them for a long time

laken1 · Hermes

Farrah wrote:

I love my parents very much and we are very close but there is no way in hell that I would ever live next door to them.

Ditto
Do you want me to list the reasons why or do you just want yes or no answer?

jen · Kate Spade

yes. You never know how long your parents will be around. I want to be as close to them for as long as I can. They can also help you with the kids, expenses, etc.

jj · Kate Spade

I am so close to my parents and love them to death, but living so close like that would probably ruin it. I am envisioning some serious boundary issues. It would be like a bad sitcom.

luckylily · Gucci

I'm not exactly in that situation, but when I grew up we lived next door to my Grandparents and it worked out really well.

As kids, my sister and I totally loved being next door to our grandparents. They were kind of our built in babysitters, but my parents never took advantage of that. My grandparents were able to stay in their own home until they both died because they had family close by to mow their lawn, get groceries for them, and generally take care of them when they were elderly.

It is a fine line tho. Our families very much respected each others privacy. My grandparents never gave my parents unwanted advice or interferred in their lives. And, like I said, my parents never took advantage of my grandparents as caretakers for my sister and I.

Tati · Chanel

ico wrote:

Farrah wrote: I love my parents very much and we are very close but there is no way in hell that I would ever live next door to them. Ditto! As much as I LOVE them, I couldn't live with them for a long time

Ditto! (especially cause im married and have kids!)

they live about 15-20 minutes away and that works out great for me. we see each other often enough and there not too far to babysit

-- Edited by Tati at 16:54, 2005-10-06

sweater girl · BCBG

I briefly considered buying a 2 family a couple years ago w/ one of my siblings...we actually put two offers in neither were accepted...in hindsight I'm very glad we didn't go through with it. Besides the boundary issues, money and family can be very touchy. Make sure both parties are on the same page in terms of finances...maybe even come up with a written agreement ahead of time...decide what percentage each party is putting down, the percentage of mortgage each will pay. Make sure you decide how general upkeep decisions will be made and how those common bills get paid. Also don't forget to talk about future plans...what would happen if one party wanted to sell or move?

Another thing to keep in mind it's really hard to find a property that both parties will like, in my area it was common for 1 unit (owners unit) to be all updated/modernized and the other unit to be a complete mess (rental unit). Be prepared to really like a house and have the other party not like it so much and vice versa.

blubirde · Chanel

I love the 'rents but there is no f**cking way I'd move in with them. Not even if I was dirt poor. I couldn't stand it and I'm certain they couldn't stand it. We love each other by default but we only like each other from a distance. (We get along fine, I'm just saying it's a lot better when I'm not in their house for extended periods of time.)

gypsyfreak · Coach

I would do it. Once my parents are old, they will either live with me or my sister. I guess it's cause in my culture (I'm Vietnamese btw), the younger people are supposed to show respect to their elders. There's also the expectation that since the parents took care of the kids, the kids must reciprocate and care for their parents later on. My parents have sacrificed and done a lot for me, so in a way I would do it out of obligation and respect.

I want to add that for me it's more of a cultural thing and something that my parents would expect of me, although they would never ask me to do this. Sorry if I offended anybody.

I also agree with jen that they could help with expenses, babysitting, etc. if needed. On the down side, they WILL be around all the time. But I think that if you don't mind and can tolerate having your parents around all the time, it is something for you to consider.

-- Edited by gypsyfreak at 05:12, 2005-10-07

-- Edited by gypsyfreak at 05:42, 2005-10-07

dc · Dooney & Bourke

Eh... maybe. We do co-own our house in NM and I travel with them frequently. But the likelyhood is so slim, given where they live now. But if they decided for some weird reason to live in DC and it was a next-door type of situation, no cohabiting, I might actually like it because I talk to them every day anyway. I don't want to live WITH them - did that in my twenties for a spell, which was fine, but now I have no need to. But next door I could handle. I think it would be hilarious.

In your case, if this is not hypothetical, it might save on childcare, housing, and bring the fam closer together. Totally depends on how much privacy you need and how much the situation would allow. I get the impression that you wouldn't be sharing any facilities - just two attached units, right?

bex · Chanel

i love love love my parents but i could NEVER live next to them. they already love to "pop" by for visits and they live an hour away! i could never imagine what it would be like living next door!!!

carmenb513 · Coach

For me this has absolutely NOTHING do due w/ respecting for elders or taking care of them when they are old.#1 Throwing my parents in home IS NOT an option.I think I can care for them (provided I live in the same state) without us sharing a common wall in a house.

That being said NO I would not live in 2 family or anything like that with my parents.Don't laugh at me or think I'm a sicko, but I would feel weird even if I was 35 years old having sex w/ my husband (if I'm married) or BF w/ moms bedroom on the other side of the wall. It gives me the willies. All in all I guess I just flat out need space. She'd really discover my shoping habits then....j/k!

honey · Gucci

i think it's cultural but i probably wouldn't do it. this is something that i might have to deal with soon since my mom is moving back to this area and has already "suggested" that she get a 3 bedroom near me so that when i go back to school i can live at home. i think not. for me personally a lot of it has to do with the fact that no matter how old i am, if i move home (or live in close proximity) the dynamic reverts back to me being 12 and my mom monitoring my comings and goings. i can't deal with that.

if i were in your situation one thing i would really think about is how the rent breaks down. i believe someone mentioned it already, but something to keep in mind is what happens when your parents are no longer able to work. most people usually rent out the second unit to supplement the total cost of the mortgage. as long as your parents can afford it, and you're fine with it, it could work. but what happens if (when) your parents are no longer able to contribute. are you going to be able to foot the bill for the entire mortgage? not trying to be a downer, but to me that seems inevitable, and i would hate to be stuck with a large mortgage i couldn't afford by myself.

kenzie · Chanel

Never, ever, ever!!! I'm having enough issues residing under the same roof as my mother! I love her to death, but I definitely need my own place and my own space.

ETA: After my mom and dad divorced, my mom ended up moving with me back into her parents house and we lived with them until they both died. I loved have the grandparents around, but honestly, you don't need to live in the same house for that, just the same town or close proximity. And also, my mom wasn't married anymore, which I think is a little different than being married with your husband and living with your parents. I would feel weird about that.

-- Edited by NylaBelle at 08:55, 2005-10-07

Karina · Chanel

actually, it was FH that brought it up to me... sometimes when im sick we'll send christian to spend the night at my parents.. they live 2 towns away from us.. so everytime i call my parents and tell them that we're going to pick him up, they get sad and upset and want us to leave him there LOL .. FH said to me once, "Why don't we just buy a two-family house with them, that way they can always see the kids?"

I was thinking about it, because I am very close to my family (my mother and I are best friends), and it would benefit both parties... my father could sell his house (which would have an awesome resell value) and put it toward the new house, and Vinny and I could pay the rest of the mortgage, that way my parents wouldn't have to worry about paying a mortgage anymore. My kids would have a house and a yard to play in, and my parents wouldn't feel lonely anymore (my twin brothers are going away to college).

Still thinking about it though, we wouldn't do anything until summer 2006 after the wedding anyway.

JoceyBaby23 · Gucci

Karina wrote:

actually, it was FH that brought it up to me... sometimes when im sick we'll send christian to spend the night at my parents.. they live 2 towns away from us.. so everytime i call my parents and tell them that we're going to pick him up, they get sad and upset and want us to leave him there LOL .. FH said to me once, "Why don't we just buy a two-family house with them, that way they can always see the kids?" I was thinking about it, because I am very close to my family (my mother and I are best friends), and it would benefit both parties... my father could sell his house (which would have an awesome resell value) and put it toward the new house, and Vinny and I could pay the rest of the mortgage, that way my parents wouldn't have to worry about paying a mortgage anymore. My kids would have a house and a yard to play in, and my parents wouldn't feel lonely anymore (my twin brothers are going away to college). Still thinking about it though, we wouldn't do anything until summer 2006 after the wedding anyway.

Reading everyone else's posts.. I was really up in the air about it. But after reading this, I think it would be a fantastic idea for you guys! Like a best of both worlds type thing!

Luv2Shop · Kate Spade

DH and I moved in with my parents after our wedding last year and lived there about 1 year. It was a big enough house where we had space and privacy. We all got a little cranky once and a while, but I actually really didn't mind living with them and neither did DH. We are both very close with my parents and we spent a lot of time with them, we still do (we only moved 5 minutes away) When I have kids I definatly want to be really close to them. If you think it will work for you guys, I don't see why you shouldn't. It's also a really great way to save $ because homes are soooo expensive!

blink · Coach

Yes, and especially because I have the baby now.

It depends on your relationship though, my mom was one of those hippy type parents who was unable to control her kids, I was the oldest, so in my youth I took on a kind of parental role and I still have that today as a 30 yr old. Basically, I think having my mom around would make me feel like I can look out for her best interests and encourage her to have more of a backbone.

But I can totally understand why people wouldn't want to live near their parents, some are really overbearing. For example, I could never live near my MIL for that reason, she is a sweetheart, but she tries way too hard to impress and I can't help but grit my teeth around her, where my mom is laid back and makes both me and my husband feel completely at ease.