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Post Info TOPIC: Sooo Pissed off at my dad!!!!
cat


Marc Jacobs

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Sooo Pissed off at my dad!!!!
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Ok so I live In a apartment,but my mom has a key to it for when I was out of town.Well my dad must have lifted the key because when I came home  early today from work there he was in my apartment!Not only was he in my apartment he was online reading my e-mails!Also later I found he had deleted some of them.We got into a screaming match I told him to get the Hell Out of my apartment.Not only that but when I checked my room things looked moved and gone threw as well as some of my very personal things are missing.I am soo mad! Me and my dad were allready at odds with each other.Now I don't know if our relationship can be fixed.I'm 21 years old I don't need to be treated like a 5year old.


Am I right for being f**king pissed?I need your adive on if you think I can fix things with him.I"m just so upset!



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jacL


Coach

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OMG, that is such a total invasion of privacy.  Since it is your dad, I think you should try to make amends, but he has to apologize and promise never to go into your apartment again w/o your permission.  I would suggest taking a few days for you both to calm down, then talking to him calmly (hard, I know) about why you felt violated.  Hopefully he will understand, and even if he doesn't, maybe he will at least agree not to do it again.  I would take your key back as well, no matter what happens.  Good luck. 

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atlgirl


Gucci

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Oh wow, cat, you are absolutely right to be pissed off. You are an adult and living on your own. It's not even as if you are living at home...I cannot imagine my father (or mother) doing this, especially to go as far as reading / deleting e-mails, or getting rid of personal items.

I don't even know what to say to you - I'm a bit at a loss here because I'm pretty angry on your behalf. I hope you can work things out with your dad at some point, but I can see why you'd be steaming now. I'd suggest getting your locks changed and not giving your mom a key again...which is unfortunate, but if you do, you could just end up with this situation repeating.

Your dad may not approve of your life for some reason, he may be worried about you for some reason, but he still has NO RIGHT to do what he did. I'm sorry your privacy was so invaded. *hugs*

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Cricket


Gucci

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Ooooh, I don't blame you one bit.  I'd be fuming.  But, he is your dad.  Hopefully he will apologize and things will cool down a little bit.  He owes you a HUGE apology and a promise to stay out of your stuff.

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Maddie


Coach

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Wow. That's horrible. That would be a huge thing for me to get over. Like as in it would take years. On the one hand, he is your father. But you mentioned you have other problems too. Is this really a relationship that it would be beneficial to you to maintain?

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cc


Marc Jacobs

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You are definitely right to be upset.  My parents were both really nosy when I lived at home but what your dad did was really over the top. 


I agree with jacL - wait a few days them talk to him about it.  I would talk to your mom too and tell her you want your key back for the time being.  As atlgirl pointed out he might have reasons for trying to find out what's going on in your life (maybe because you guys are having problems he feels in the dark?) so maybe while you are discussing the fact that what he did was wrong you could try to find out if he did it for a reason other than general nosiness.  Unfortunately people tend not to change and if your dad went to these lengths to snoop he might continue to do so whenever he gets a chance so you might just always have to keep your guard up. 



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cat


Marc Jacobs

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Thanks guys.I talked with my mom today and she was pissed too.She had been gone for the weekend and got back this morning.Me and my roommate are changeing the locks,and if we go out of town again we will leave the key with my friend(the one who has been sleeping on my couch)My roommate was also very mad,because she feel like her privacy was invaded too,because my dad went threw our stuff in the living room and our bath room.My mom is going to try to fing the stuff my dad took,and try to talk to him.I think I will wait awhile before I try to talk with him.I don't know why he would do this.Maybe because he has allways had a problem with the guys I date?Or he knows about my friend sleeping on my couch?The worst part is I felt like me and my dad were starting to work things out and get along.I guess Not!


Thank you all for the support and advice.


 


 


(Sorry if spelling is wrong,no spell check at school).



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To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.- Ralph Waldo Emerson
NCshopper


Hermes

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Geez cat, that is awful!  I can't even begin to think how upset I'd be at something like this!  Especially just as you guys were starting to work things out!  I think waiting a few days to cool off would probably be a good idea.  Also, have you thought about writing a letter to him about the situation?  Sometimes I find it easier to get all my thoughts down on paper and then talking about it with the person later--you'll get your feelings out and I think it lessens the risk of saying something you'll regret later. 


I'm so sorry this happened to you.  I think you have every right to be upset about it.   



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Dizzy


Marc Jacobs

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Wow. This is seriously bizarre. He has shown such an incredible lack of respect for you and your roommates. I can't believe he woudl think it's ok to do that to ANYONE, let alone someone he loves. I dont' think I would talk to him at all for a while. The thing is, since he's a control freak, probably anything you do is going to set him off more. I guess the best thing to do is try to disengage from the power struggle he's trying to pull you into. But I dont' know the best way to do that. You've already taken some good steps to protect yourself, though. So maybe just keep up with what your instincts are telling you now. And keep us posted!

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scarlett


Marc Jacobs

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wow, that is such a violation of your trust! how terrible. i can imagine that would be so hard to get over.

i agree with the others who encouraged you to wait it out before speaking with him, and even perhaps writing him a letter explaining how you feel. one other thing: maybe you should change your email password so he can't read and mess with your messages anymore.

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blubirde


Chanel

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Dizzy wrote:

Wow. This is seriously bizarre. He has shown such an incredible lack of respect for you and your roommates. I can't believe he woudl think it's ok to do that to ANYONE, let alone someone he loves. I dont' think I would talk to him at all for a while. The thing is, since he's a control freak, probably anything you do is going to set him off more. I guess the best thing to do is try to disengage from the power struggle he's trying to pull you into. But I dont' know the best way to do that. You've already taken some good steps to protect yourself, though. So maybe just keep up with what your instincts are telling you now. And keep us posted!

Wow - this sucks. I really feel for you. I can totally imagine my mom doing something like this. Not now but back when I lived at home or was in college. But luckily she never had the opportunity. To this day I won't talk to my friends in front of her because I know I'll get the 20 questions afterwards and it's none of her business. (As a matter of fact, she doesn't know one single date that I've been on or boy that I've gone out with because I don't want to have to explain myself or actions to her. Plus I'd never hear the end of it. What happened to that guy? Why aren't you seeing him anymore? God it would drive me crazy.)


I totally agree with Dizzy that it's a control thing. Your dad must feel like he's losing control in your life and this was his, albeit dysfunctional, way of dealing. I agree with the other women about taking some time before you confront him. But he definitely needs to know that what he did was not only wrong but could have, and maybe did, seriously damage y'all's relationship.


You have every right to be mad. Hopefully he'll understand the utter horridness of what he did. Keep us updated!


Um, is horridness a word??



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cat


Marc Jacobs

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RE: Sooo Pissed off at my dad!!!!*UPDATE*
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Frist I want to thank all of you for your support.Scarlett thanks for suggesting I change my password that had never occurred to me.Allthough I don't know how he got it in the first place?


 


Ok so last night was the honners ceromony.I took my best friend(the guy who sleeps on my couch)and new my mom was coming.well my dad came with her and at first I was mad he came.He told my he was very sorry and knows what he did was wrong and he gave me my stuff back.He also wrote out an apology to my roommate.He did not say why he went into my apartment in the first place,but last night was not the time or place to talk about this.He told me he wanted to talk things out ,I told him maybe in a week or so after I cool down about this.Also my dad told me he was very proud I made the dean's list,and he now supports my  major in Music Therapy.



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To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.- Ralph Waldo Emerson
jacL


Coach

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RE: Sooo Pissed off at my dad!!!!
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I think that was very nice (though it never sould hsve hsppened) that he wrote your roommate a letter.  I hope you have a good talk with him when you are ready for it. 


 



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Hermione


Kate Spade

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why would he have taken anything anyway?  I hope this doesn't offend you, but is he a kleptomaniac?  having your father steal something is very strange and does nothing to encourage trust.  i'm with maddie here.  is this relationship really worth maintaining?

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Dizzy


Marc Jacobs

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Ok, I'm torn. On the one hand, this sounds like it could have the makings of an appropriate apology. On the other hand, it could be his way of keeping the drama going - he might have sensed he'd finally pushed it far enough that you won't play his games anymore. But you're the only one who knows for sure - good luck!

PS - Bluebirde, we totally have the same mom too - possibly this is why we date the same men?

-- Edited by Dizzy at 18:43, 2005-10-10

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blubirde


Chanel

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Dizzy wrote:

PS - Bluebirde, we totally have the same mom too - possibly this is why we date the same men? -- Edited by Dizzy at 18:43, 2005-10-10
Oh god, I'd hate to think my mother influenced my choice in men... How frightening!!

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