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dc


Dooney & Bourke

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ugh... awkward. How to handle this...
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So my date last night was eh.  I knew as soon as I met him that I wasn't into it, and then I felt that the conversation was a little awkward and honestly I barely felt like trying.  Poor guy - nice enough, but just didn't do it for me at all.  Anyway, we had a couple of drinks and chatted (we had stuff to talk about on the surface, but it felt forced and awkward and there were definite pauses in the conversation where I scrambled my brain to come up with a question to ask him - hard to do when you're not really interested).  Then I was rather annoyed that I had barely taken a few sips out of my 2nd drink but when I went to the bathroom and then came back he'd let them remove it (there was a lot of ice, but I was obviously not done!) and left just my glass of water. If that had been me, I would have waited until the person came back and then asked if they were done.  But I didn't say anything - maybe I should have. Also, he didn't even offer to pay the bill.  In fact, when I asked for the check he did nothing at all when it came, so I piped up, "Um, so should we just split it?"  And he immediately said that we should.  Then we walked down the street (he lives near me - now I am sure I'll see him all the time), awkward hug goodnight, and he announces that he had a great time and has tickets to a ball game Sunday and do I want to go.  Caught off-guard, I hemmed and hawed and said I thought I had to go to my parents' house. He said he'd call (stupid me gave him my cell phone number b/c I couldn't think of a good way to refuse).  Now I am dreading the call - I don't think it would be cool to not answer, but I dread shooting him down on the phone.  I mean, it's easy to say I have plans Sunday, but how to discourage him from asking for another date?  I just can't do it (this is what I hate about dating). 


Since we met on a dating site that discourages exchanging personal email addresses, I don't even know his actual email - we've only written notes through the site.  Would it be really uncool of me to do a pre-emptive strike by mailing his inbox on the dating site to say I can't make the game sunday and that also I got more of a friend vibe than a romantic vibe (that normally gives people the message without telling them I think they're dorky or whatever). 


Before anyone suggests it, I really do not want to try a second date to see if things would be different.  It would lead him on and not change anything.  It's not the type of situation where he or I might have been having an "off night" - I am just not attracted (which is completely non-negotiable - at my age, I know what I am into).


Argh - help!



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~ dc "Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination" - Oscar Wilde
lynnie


Chanel

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I think saying you got more of a friend vibe is a good idea.  I've never even thought of saying that, as much as it could sting if he really likes you, its def. not as bad as " i just wasn't feeling it" or whatever.  Espec. since you can email it.  Don't go out with him again!! 

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DC Shopper


Dooney & Bourke

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ugh.  i'm sorry it didn't work out, dc...I think the "friend vibe" line is a good one - it sends a straightforward message in a nice way.

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dc


Dooney & Bourke

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So you guys don't think it's uncool to send him a note to that effect through the dating site?  (As I said, I have no other way to contact him and want to head him off at the pass). 

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~ dc "Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination" - Oscar Wilde
luckylily


Gucci

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dc wrote:

So you guys don't think it's uncool to send him a note to that effect through the dating site?  (As I said, I have no other way to contact him and want to head him off at the pass). 
It is a bit unusual, but not too uncool.  At the end of the day I think it is better to get it over with sooner.  It'll ease your mind and give him a chance to find someone else to go to the game with.

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Christine


Coach

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luckylily wrote:
dc wrote:
So you guys don't think it's uncool to send him a note to that effect through the dating site?  (As I said, I have no other way to contact him and want to head him off at the pass). 
It is a bit unusual, but not too uncool.  At the end of the day I think it is better to get it over with sooner.  It'll ease your mind and give him a chance to find someone else to go to the game with.


Yup, it's like ripping off a band-aid. Just get it over with and you will feel better!

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bumblebee


Coach

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yeah, i agree with luckylily--i think it's nicer to tell him sooner, since it involves tickets to an event and then he will have time to invite someone else, lessening the sting.



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dc


Dooney & Bourke

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Ok, I did it.  Said thanks for the invite, can't make it, and told him that I got more of a friend vibe than a date vibe and that it's nothing I could predict or explain - all of that was true, b/c on paper and in writing we had a much better rapport.  Then I said maybe I'd see him around, etc.  I think I was clear but respectful. 


SO - I just hope that he gets my note before deciding to pick up the phone!  Thank you all for your feedback.  I think I knew what I had to do, but I did feel weird about emailnig throguh the site.  But what else could I have done, really? 


Oh, well - next! 



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~ dc "Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination" - Oscar Wilde
Cricket


Gucci

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That's what I would have done too, dc.  Why prolong it?  He's probably glad you turned him down via email and not during an awkward phone call.  It's not like you had a relationship with him.  Better luck next time!

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D


Hermes

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honey, what about the pool boy!?!? (you know who I mean)

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blubirde


Chanel

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I think it would be fine to send him the friend email through the dating site. That's your primary method of communication anyway so that's not weird.


As for me, I wouldn't avoid his call, I'd just always have plans when he suggested something to do. Passive I know but guys usually get the hint and I don't have to go to the trouble of giving the friends speech. Honestly, your idea sounds much easier. I may adopt it at some point. But not just this second.



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dc


Dooney & Bourke

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detroit wrote:

honey, what about the pool boy!?!? (you know who I mean)
Kris, I am a total loser - by the time I got the guts up to send pool-playing guy a note, he was gone.  He must have gotten snapped up by someone else.  I totally snoozed on that one, and now the pickings are looking pretty slim on that site.  I might have to actually go out and meet real live men somehow!  

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~ dc "Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination" - Oscar Wilde
poptart


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dc wrote:
detroit wrote:
honey, what about the pool boy!?!? (you know who I mean)
Kris, I am a total loser - by the time I got the guts up to send pool-playing guy a note, he was gone.  He must have gotten snapped up by someone else.  I totally snoozed on that one, and now the pickings are looking pretty slim on that site.  I might have to actually go out and meet real live men somehow!  


Yuck. I am sorry this didn't work out, but I think you did the right thing. Why even bother being bothered?

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