STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

NCshopper · Hermes

How do you make friends? *related to AJ's topic

atlgirl · Gucci

OHO! You are *NOT* a loser. I think you have just not "settled" in to Raleigh yet.

(for those of you who don't know, I met NCS this past weekend when I was visiting Raleigh, so I can speak from some experience).

It's hard when you go to a new place, to click with people right away. I find parts of the South to be very clique-y like that. Fortunately Atlanta is more transient, with not everyone knowing everyone and being a native, so it's a little easier here.

Have you tried taking some classes on things you like to do (maybe jewelry-making? Those girls at the store are a lot of fun IMO...) or something...that might get you out meeting people with like interests, and you will probably "click" with someone. I don't know how many other shopping-obsessed ladies you'll find out there, since there seems to be a dearth of great shopping options in your area, but hopefully you can run into people who you enjoy. What about a book club? I don't know how those things work, but maybe you can find some group that meets up and join in...

*I* think you're fabulous - and your Mom and hubby too - I really had fun chatting with you about things like Lost, fashion and jewelry, and California...B. and I enjoyed ourselves very much. Too bad we don't live a tad closer to y'all.

I'll PM you in a bit about other stuff...don't get discouraged...I know it's hard in a new place where everyone seems to know everyone else.

shopgirl82 · Chanel

i have met quite a few people job related (i know that doesn't help you). i hang out with a couple nurses (not too much...since i'm younger and don't have as many responsibilities as they do on the homefront). part of the reason that i kept my college job for part time is that a ton of girls my age seem to work retail, so i have a couple close friends from BCBG. for me, meeting them was even better than the discount.

non-work related. my brother seemed to meet a ton of people from his softball team and i have substituted a couple times (but my schedule is unpredictable so i can't join). it's always a good time after the game. if i could join i would. he is also in a running group, so i decided that i will join one next spring (i hate running outside in the winter).

one girl that i am friends with is through a volunteer job i have (i work at a health clinic). my hairstylist is also a good friend now (and does my hair at her place, saving me a TON of money!).

i am also friends with some of my bf's friends wives/girlfriends/fiances too.

i have been here a year and i find it is difficult to meet people (i don't have time to spread myself so thin with a million clubs just to meet people). i think the best thing might be to just join programs like fitness or volunteering. maybe take a cooking class, or wine tasting. i just found out that there's a wine tasting type club in chicago. that might be fun.

good luck, but it may help to know that you're not the only one in your boat. for me it's hard to go from college where i had a TON of girlfriends/guy friends, to a city where i don't know a lot of people, and the people that i know don't know all the quirky little things about me yet.

Karina · Chanel

Recently, I have met and made friends with a bunch of people from work, acquaintances of friends, and people online. I joined a mothers' group like 3 years ago when I was pregnant with Chris, and I have made great friendships with most of the girls there, and thankfully, a lot of them live in the NYC area .. we get together once in a while, but of course it's hard, because we all have kids :)

blink · Coach

when my cousin moved to Dallas from Boston, she joined Junior League as a way to meet women. She's 30, and a modest, frugal, serious minded engineer who doesn't fit the JL mold, but she loves to be involved in the community and she found that joining gave her the easiest way to do this. I have lived here for 8 years and already she has more of a network of friends than I do.

kenzie · Chanel

I feel like this, too. Part of the problem is that I work in one city and live in another that is 1 1/2 hours away. My friends from my old town are all wrapped up in their SO's anyway, so I rarely saw them and now I just feel like a loser b/c I don't know anyone and I have no idea how to start. And if they did want to hang out, they wanted to hang out at someone's house. That's fine, but I love to go someplace where I can dance and no one I know (other than the bf) does.

I want to take a class, but if I take a class near where I work, then the people I meet will live around here and I'm far from there. I can't take a class at home b/c I wouldn't get there in time. I'm open to any suggestion that anyone can think of! I'm so bored!!

NCShopper, thanks for being brave enough to post this b/c I've been thinking the same thing for weeks now, but I didn't have the guts to post about it.

jj · Kate Spade

I completely understand what you are going through - DC is a very transient city, and some of my best-est friends have moved away in the past 3 years. I'm shy, so it's hard for me to initiate new friendships.

I recently became friends with a girl I met at an event another friend dragged me to, and when I asked if she wanted to hang out, I felt like I was asking her on a date! Totally awkward. We met for drinks after work, and I even planned for my husband to call in case I needed to escape! Anyway, it worked out great and now I have a new friend in my neighborhood.

Some other ways I have met people are through a yoga studio in my 'hood, a wine tasting class I did with my husband, and talking to my neighbors (weird, I know). I also took an art class through the Smithsonian - I'm not sure about the cultural opportunities in Raleigh, but I would see if your city's museums have classes or events for 20-somethings.

EDITED: I am the worst typist/speller

-- Edited by jj at 16:22, 2005-09-27

laken1 · Hermes

jj wrote:

I recently became friends with a girl I met at an event another friend dragged me to, and when I asked if she wanted to hang out, I felt like I was asking her on a date! Totally akward. We met for drinks after work, and I even planned for my husband to call in case I needed to escape!

This really cracked me up - I feel just like this, now that I'm married I feel like I am "courting" women to be my friends - there is the exact same feelings of fear of rejection, nervousness, etc as there is with dating. I thought it was just me!

NCShopper, if you are a loser than I guess I am too & i refuse to believe that we are! I moved to Dallas 1 1/2 years ago & I still don't feel that I have a close group of friends here. I have some chicks that I know & hang out with sometimes, but we aren't very like-minded & it's hard for me to hang out with people that I don't really really click with. One girl just got a new job making lots of money & I feel really inadequate hanging out with her because she always wants to shop & I kind of think she's pressuring me to buy things that I can't afford - way more than I feel comfortable with anyway. Another girl is just depressed I think, she also stays home (I do too) but she doesn't want to hang out during the week & I'm not sure why - maybe she doesn't like me! LOL

I recently joined a knitting group & surprisingly the people are all my age so it's been fun. I feel much better now that I have a twice a month girls time with people I like & enjoy being around. My husband said knitting is our excuse for getting together & drinking - kinda true. So that is my advice (now that I spilled my loser guts as well) - join a group either learning a new hobby or volunteer so you will have similar interests as the other girls & just see what happens. When I started going to this group I kept telling myself that I didn't have to go back if I didn't like it.

Hope this helps some, but I agree with the others, thanks for posting it because I get really down about this a lot. I had a TON of friends in my old town, but the phone doesn't cut it - you need face to face friends where you are as well.

NCshopper · Hermes

You ladies came up with some great ideas! I think I really just need to get out of the house and do stuff, but being a newly-wed has probably hampered that a bit.

atlgirl--I got a class schedule from Ornamentea, so I might take a jewelry making class. Even if I don't meet anyone, I'd still be left with a pretty piece of jewelry! We had a great time meeting you guys this weekend--I agree it's too bad we don't live closer!

And laken1, I have thought about joining a knitting group. There's a Stich 'N' Bitch club that meets every Wednesday nights at 7 to have wine and knit but I haven't gone yet, because Lost was on at 8 last season, but since it's on at 9 now I might be able to do it. (I think I may have officially just ratted myself out as the biggest dork ever--I think I may have hit the root of the problem here!!! )

I think meeting friends is really difficult, and it's something no one really talks about. It's so weird that I can't make friends, when it's really never been a problem in the past, and it's been one of the most difficult things about living here. I definitely agree with you jj that all of a sudden it feels like I'm courting people to try to be friends and the whole thing just feels very awkward for me. All I really want is someone to go shopping with every now and then and someone to meet up with for coffee or whatever, you know?

I'm definitely glad I posted about this because it's nice to know I'm not the only one that has this problem. You ladies are the best! If anyone comes up with other ideas, let me know!

stardiva · Nine West

Try www.meetup.com there are tons of different groups that allow you to meet people with the same interest as you.

I had the same problem when I first moved to Phoenix. It wasn't so much that I could meet friends because really all you have to do is start talking to strangers. I would suggest going to www.vistaprint.com and making some business cards with your contact info on them. When you meet people that you think are interesting, just tell them to give you a call. For me personally the issue has never been making friend as much as making friends I have something in common with. That's when I decided to start a book club. All you have to do is make flyers that you have a new book club starting and put your contact info on the flyers. Post them at Coffeshops, Bookstores, and Libraries. There are also tons of classes, support groups, and volunteer and social organizations you could join.

Metric · Gucci

My boss and I were just talking about this. We agreed that making a new friend (once you are married or coupled and don't have the excitement of first dates) is as exciting as getting asked out on a date.

The problem that I have is 1) meeting people with common interests, I don't do alot of crafty type things so I find it hard to get interested in classes; 2) once meeting someone, following through and actually making plans. There has been lots of times I meet someone I want to be friends with and try to make plans but nothing ever comes of it. I don't want to make a nusance of myself but I want someone else to be as interested in me as I am in them. Wow...I think that made me sound really sad

sage · Dooney & Bourke

Making friends as an adult is hard! I moved here when I was 20 and found it really difficult to meet people. I mainly became friends with people I worked with. And I call that "situational friendship" where after we no longer worked together we stopped being friends. My closest friend, outside of SOand my sister, is a girl I work with. I have worked with her for almost 4 years and I think we would be friends even without the common thread of work. For a long time I looked for people who shared ALL my interests, and you are never going to find that. Now I am happy if I can find any common ground. The big worry for me was getting "involved" with a friend who turned out to be really annoying or needy or whiny.

Yeah, I am a caring person!! Because it is hard to break up with a friend....really. You can't just say I don't want to see you anymore. Or can you? I think the idea of joining the classes you mentioned is a great idea. The Stitch 'n' Bitch class will probably be full of cool people (like laken1) and in the jewelery making class you may find people like Nylabelle and JMR. I remember someone making an attempt at being friends with me and I turned them down.....it was at a defensive driving course. These two girls kept saying we should all go out for a drink when the course was over.....and on the last night I told them I couldn't make it...sorry guys. Maybe I should have given them a chance.

Andrea Julia · Coach

n/m

-- Edited by Andrea Julia at 01:23, 2006-01-29

lynnie · Chanel

Andrea Julia wrote:

jj wrote:
I felt like I was asking her on a date! Totally awkward. We met for drinks after work, and I even planned for my husband to call in case I needed to escape! Anyway, it worked out great and now I have a new friend in my neighborhood.

Haha! I totally know what you mean. Whenever I meet a girl I want to hang out with I get so nervous about calling. And worried she won't like whatever I invite her to do. Or that she didn't really want to hang out with me in the first place, but was just being nice. It is, like you said, like asking someone on a date. I find it easier to first call some friends, get them on board for going out, and then ask her to come along. Hey...maybe this is why guys do that annoying thing where they ask you to just meet up with them at the bar or whatever instead of just asking you on a date! Who was I commiserating with over this a few days ago?

Recently, I have actually made a few friends this way and also got back in touch with old friends that I ran into. Although I feel shy about asking a girl to hang out alone, the next time a group thing comes up, I will just invite anyone I know. I force myself to do it no matter how easy it is to just go with the flow and hang out with friends I already have.

yes! It is scary to ask a girl out! That totally must be why guys want these group dates- we intimidate the heck out of them! They intimidate the heck out of me! It's almost scarier for me to ask a girl to hang out than a cute guy. Girls are scary but awesome

-- Edited by lynnie at 21:29, 2005-09-27