STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

kenzie · Chanel

Should I move home?

Grace · Dooney & Bourke

If it helps you get back on your feet and feel less stressed move back. They only way you would be showing defeat is if you moved home, lived off your mom, didn't get a job...etc. If it's an option that works for you, do it. It's not like you will be there forever. You can always look for a new place. You will just be looking for a new place at your own pace. Good luck.

Andrea Julia · Coach

Move home. Take the time to make improvements to your life and to get further education while not having the stress of needing a crappy job just to eat. Life has not kicked your ass. You simply need some time to regroup and to be able to stimulate your creativity without it being stifled by the harsh reality of needing a job that has nothing to do with your career. You will get yourself back on track by living at home and come back to kick life's ass.

cc · Marc Jacobs

I agree with Grace. As long as you are doing something (going back to school, taking a low-paying job that will help with your career) and you don't mind living at home, I think it's a good plan and isn't admitting defeat. At the very least you can just stay there and save up some money so you can get your own apartment in a few months.

asf · Kate Spade

i think aj said it perfectly!

kenzie · Chanel

Thanks, girls. I'm just so upset right now. I just feel like crying. I was looking forward to moving and where I was going to be living and I thought that everything was settled and now it's all up in the air again. I'm just exhausted.

sfcaligirl · Dooney & Bourke

Andrea Julia wrote:

Move home. Take the time to make improvements to your life and to get further education while not having the stress of needing a crappy job just to eat. Life has not kicked your ass. You simply need some time to regroup and to be able to stimulate your creativity without it being stifled by the harsh reality of needing a job that has nothing to do with your career. You will get yourself back on track by living at home and come back to kick life's ass.

i completely agree! AJ is right- moving home will give you the opportunity to regroup and get your life going in the direction you want without the stress of being in "survival mode." i think it's a great idea!

jacL · Coach

You just said you are exhausted. Move back in with Mom and get some rest--physical and emotional. Go back to school if you want, or save up for your own place. You will be able to afford having a job that pays less if you are living rent-free (I am assuming your mother will not charge you rent). Don't think of it as a sign of defeat.

asf · Kate Spade

all the more reason to move home. you can relax for a little while, get away from that craptastic job, the bf, etc. and have a little "you" time. be lazy for a couple days (once you get all moved in), get a little maternal pampering. then you can figure out if you want to go back to school or find a job, or whatever your next step is.

i can feel your stress through the computer while reading your posts, i swear. you definitely need a little downtime. i think i'll name one of the knots in my shoulders nylabelle.

kenzie · Chanel

asf wrote:

all the more reason to move home. you can relax for a little while, get away from that craptastic job, the bf, etc. and have a little "you" time. be lazy for a couple days (once you get all moved in), get a little maternal pampering. then you can figure out if you want to go back to school or find a job, or whatever your next step is. i can feel your stress through the computer while reading your posts, i swear. you definitely need a little downtime. i think i'll name one of the knots in my shoulders nylabelle.

HAHAA....I don't know if it's the stress that's making me loopy, but I'm sitting here laughing hysterically to myself over the word 'craptastic.' HA! That's great! Thanks for the laugh, asf.

I guess I just feel like, in my mind, I shouldn't have to move home. I never thought I would be 26 and thinking about moving home. On a side note, the bf has been okay recently. I know, he's not been ideal, but things haven't been crazy. He did cut those awful people out of his life and he's behaving like a good bf should. But that's a completely different post.

But anyway, I'm really conflicted about this. I feel like I had everything planned out...I was going to move, I have a second, part-time job lined up, I'm going to school in this area. And now, once again, everything has been shattered. *Sigh*

member · Hermes

jacL wrote:

You just said you are exhausted. Move back in with Mom and get some rest--physical and emotional. Go back to school if you want, or save up for your own place. You will be able to afford having a job that pays less if you are living rent-free (I am assuming your mother will not charge you rent). Don't think of it as a sign of defeat.

I completely agree - don't look at this as a sign of defeat, look at this as a new beginning. You can move home, not worry about rent and all those other bills, work a stress-free job and then save up enough money to move out and get whatever place you want wherever you want. I don't think this means life kicked your butt at all. I have a hard time going back to my parents for things too, but if your mom is there and will to help, take advantage of that.

NCshopper · Hermes

This is not defeat at all! This is about you being proactive and taking control of your life back so you can get your life headed in the direction you want it to go.

Also, I think the "stigma" of moving back home is definitely gone now, esp. for someone your age who is actively doing things to better their future. (Sitting around the house all day, a la George Costanza on Seinfeld is a different story. )

I think this would be a smart move for you. Save some money, figure out what you want to do with the next few years and make some progress towards those goals instead of living paycheck to paycheck just to get your bills paid. Plus, it sounds like you and your mom are close and I'm sure it would be nice for you to spend some quality time with her.

nunzi182 · Kate Spade

I definately think you should go home. From past posts, it seems like you and your mom are really good friends and get along well. If you go home, she can not only provide you with shelter and make life easier for you, she can also help you through your rough time as a friend.

The fact that you can go back to school full time is another bonus. I wish I could go back to school full time but it's not the time for me right now. The fact that this is an option for you is a sign you should do it, because the opportunity could pass and then you'll kick yourself.

kenzie · Chanel

I suppose that I should add that if I decide to move home, I will leave two roommates high and dry without a place to live either. I feel bad about that b/c I'm obligated to them. And my mom lives soooooo far from the rest of my life and I hate where she lives. I just don't know. I wish she lived closer.

dc · Dooney & Bourke

Nylabelle, I say move in with mom for a while. Even if she lives far away - frankly, I think you need a break from your life. Your job, friends, and esp. that BF of yours. I think if you get some distance from him you'll see that he adds nothing positive to your life. "Good behavior" now can only be temporary and does not erase the grief he's caused in the past, which has been INEXCUSABLE and juvenile... I just don't understand the hold he has on you and what he does to improve your life, but that's another post. Sorry for the tough love, but when you mentioned him, frankly, I wanted to reach out and shake you. Long story short, kicking that one to the curb should be part of your self-renewal. You are SO young (really) and have SO much ahead of you if you'd just go for it. There will be other men - much better men - and you deserve better if you'd only realize that. It is better to be alone than to be with a lame BF. I cannot repeat that enough.

Anyway, I moved home for a spell in my twenties and it really helped me to get on my feet at a time when mistakes and debts were piling up. (And my parents live in RURAL Virginia, so trust me - I know from being away from one's friends/life!). I was able to pay some stuff off, save some dough, and plan my next move - which ended out being moving out to New Mexico for a spell, which I am SOOOOO glad I had the cojones to do! Maybe you'll finally get inspired to move to LA, who knows, but you need the freedom that taking a breather can offer you before you plan your next move. Move home, pay off your debts, be away from people who might influence you just to stagnate, think about going back to school and/or moving - both of which you've been talking about and I think you should finally go for it if you can. It is NOT failure, it's actually the RESPONSIBLE thing to do - step back, take stock, listen to your heart and mind... don't just let things snowball so all you do in life is react, not act.

Do NOT feel obligated to those other two roomies. You are so kind and softhearted, and that is what we lvoe about you, but in this case, this is your LIFE we're talking about here, not a little breach of etiquette. Bottom line - when you look back on your life in ten years, what matters more to you, the chance to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and make a new start for the rest of your life, or potentially hurting someone's feelings for a few minutes? They'll find another roomie. You may not get another chance for a fresh start, as someoen else pointed out.

Just be true to YOURSELF - not the lame BF, not these random roomies, but to YOUR future, which has the potential to begin here... You have to be selfish for a little while. Do not sell your life and all of your gifts short for the sake of anyone else - please think carefully about this.

blubirde · Chanel

NylaBelle wrote:

I suppose that I should add that if I decide to move home, I will leave two roommates high and dry without a place to live either. I feel bad about that b/c I'm obligated to them. And my mom lives soooooo far from the rest of my life and I hate where she lives. I just don't know. I wish she lived closer.

Is there any way to work a part time job and afford to live with the roommates?

Elle · Hermes

You didn't fail anything! You are simply reevaluating the situation and making the changes needed to keep your life going in the right direction, or rather stop it from going in the wrong direction any longer.

~Do what you have to do to make it work~

bex · Chanel

NYLA-

move home.

you will be much happier! my best friend (who is 27) just moved back home about a month ago. she regrouped and took some time off and relaxed and found a great job and is getting back out there again! i can tell such a difference in her and i am sure you will feel the same way.

walk away from it all and hang out at home. you haven't failed- you are just taking some time for you!

kenzie · Chanel

blubirde wrote:

. Is there any way to work a part time job and afford to live with the roommates?

Hehe. I wish. If I could have done that I would have a long time ago.

dc, I agree with most everything you said (and the other ladies, too). I actually am registered for class and I'm scheduled to start next week. I feel like moving home would be a huge disruption to my plans.

I actually just spoke with the leasing agent to the apartment complex as well. Apparently there are some errors on my credit report (just another hassle for me to deal with). But she said that as long as we aren't late, they'll apply the extra security to our rent at 6 months. My mom is encouraging me to just move into the apartment at this point.

Grrr...I need a nap!

Thanks for all of your thoughts, ladies. It really helps to hear other opinions.

nunzi182 · Kate Spade

Since you keep going back and forth with it. I know this sounds cheesy, but you should listen to your heart. It's the most honest opinion. Just think about it and think to yourself, what would make my situation ideal (attainable things) and whatever comes into your head first is really what you want deep down. It's just an idea.