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Post Info TOPIC: Help:Ex Bf wants me back!
cat


Marc Jacobs

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Help:Ex Bf wants me back!
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I had coffee with my ex last night(we remained friends after the break up).He has been hinting around for some time that he wants to get back together,but last night he came wright out and told that he wants me back.I don't know what to do,we broke up two years ago,and for those two years I have still been hung up on him.I think I have even brushed other guys off because I didn't think they compared to my ex.But last night when he told me this I was not completely overjoyed like I thought I would be.I think I am reluctent because of every thing that happened between us.Two years ago when I met him every thing moved so fast between us.We went out on are first date on a Friday night and ended up going out on saturday and sunday also.Within two weeks we were serious relationship,and within one month we were living together.We were together for 8 months before I broke up with him.I don't want to get into the whole story of why we broke up but it has to do with his drinking.This is one of the his problems that I don't know if I can deal with(he has been sober For a year),also he is bipolor.One other problem is he is 10 years older than me(I am 21)which is not a problem with me but my dad has a huge problem with that and told me he would never accept me and my ex's relationship.Part of me wants my ex back.I hate to say this but I am afraid part of me wants him back because the sex was incredible(also he was my first).Last night he told me he's missed being with me so much, Part of me wanted to hear that for so long and part of me felt afraid to feel that way about him again.


I need some help deciding what to do.I thought maybe hearing what you guys thought,might help me to think more clearly. TIA



-- Edited by cat at 03:24, 2005-08-21

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To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.- Ralph Waldo Emerson
NCshopper


Hermes

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Hmmm...it sounds to me like you already know what to do on this one, but I'll try and give some of my insight.


You say that you've been hung up on your ex for two years, but when he told you he wanted to get back together, you weren't completely overjoyed.  My hunch here is that you don't really want to get back together with him, but that you want him to want you back.  It's totally flattering to be wanted but you need to go with what you want, not what he wants.


Second, the drinking and the bipolar disorder.  Those are both really tough issues to work out in and of themselves, and combined, those two problems may take a LOT of work to tackle.  Only you know whether or not you want to deal with them.


Third, the age difference.  My concern isn't that he's ten years older, but more about what your dad thinks of it.  If you get back together with this guy, how will it effect your relationship with your dad?  Is it going to strain your relationship with him?  If so, is it worth it?  What I mean here is that if you and your dad aren't very close to begin with, this may not be a big deal.  But, if you're close to your dad and value his opinion, then this may put your relationship with your dad in jeopardy all because of a guy that you're not really sure about. 


Fourth, you say part of the reason you want to get back together was because the sex was so incredible.  Cat, you can find incredible sex elsewhere.  This guy doesn't have a patent on it!  You don't have to answer this, but just think about it:  Have you had sex with anyone else since him?  If not, you don't know what's out there.  If you have and found it just so-so, then go out there and find someone else.  Or get yourself a "toy."  Seriously.  If you're having doubts about this guy and sex is the main reason you'd consider getting back together with him, then you REALLY need to think about this.   Fantastic sex is not going to hold a relationship together. 


Lastly, you said "Last night he told me he's missed being with me so much, Part of me wanted to hear that for so long and part of me felt afraid to feel that way about him again."  I think this is the issue here.  You wanted to be wanted by him.  That's all.   You don't want to get back together with him.  You want to feel missed and loved and like you were the best thing that ever happened to his life.  Something that he can't live without.  And you heard it.  Now, let it go, and move on from this guy.



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splash


Kenneth Cole

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I think NC's advice is great - just wanted to add a couple of thoughts. I agree that it sounds like you don't want him back - but besides wanting to be wanted, do you want the security of being with someone that you already know, rather than the insecure process of developing a new relationship?

What really worries me is that you say you've brushed off other guys because of him. Also, you've known for a while that he still liked you, the new thing is that he came out and said that. It's good to have a standard for yourself about the guys you date, but it sounds to me as if you've been 'waiting' for this guy in some way, even though it sounds like you decided to break up with him (are you hoping that his drinking and bipolar will 'fix' themselves?). I think that the best thing for you to do is to go on dates with all the guys that ask you - you'll meet some great people, and it'll take your mind off this one guy. If beyond the sex issue you haven't dated a lot, it sounds like you're unsure that there other guys who are as good.

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cat


Marc Jacobs

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Posts: 2257
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NC shopper ans Splash Thank you for the advice.You have really given me somthings that I need to think about.


Nc shopper i think you might be right that I don't really want him back, I just want him to want me.


About the bipolor disorder,He was just diagnosed four months ago with it.So when we were dating neither of us new that this was part of his irrational behavior.I feel like if we had known at the time I maybe would have handled things better.


Also Ncshopper,me and my dad are not very close.So it probably wont matter what I do,but on the other hand I have been trying to repair things with my dad and if I get back with my ex it would push me and my dad more apart .


Splash I think you were wrigh about me waiting for him in some way.For a long time I really wanted him back.In the past year I felt like I had moved on.Then four monthes ago he came back into my life, when he found out he was bipolor. I was the first person he called and came to for support.


I think I need to think everything over a little more before I decide what to tell him.


 



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To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Tati


Chanel

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wow, great advice girls!


 I just wanted to wish you the best in your decision, whatever you decide, I hope your very happy.


 



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cat


Marc Jacobs

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RE: Help:Ex Bf wants me back!*update*
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I decided not get back together with him.I met with him last night and told him.He was upset,But told me that if I didn't want to get back together that it was ok with him and he would not persue me any longer.I think I made the right choice.No matter how much I love him we just are not right for each other.Hopefully now I can move on with my life.

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To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.- Ralph Waldo Emerson
sage


Dooney & Bourke

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RE: Help:Ex Bf wants me back!
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Hey cat, I am proud of you!! I know this was a hard thing to do. It sometimes just seems so easy to go back to what you know instead of forging ahead!! Good for you for having the courage to move on!

-- Edited by sage at 13:04, 2005-08-28

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laken1


Hermes

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Wow, i'm really proud of you too. Sometimes it's so easy to fall back into something familiar even if you know it is wrong for you - GOOD FOR YOU. I myself had broke up with a guy I was engaged to, got back together with him, ended up getting married....he is now the ex husband. I knew better, but I really did love him. It wasn't right, I knew it wasn't right - what a waste of 5-6 years (and my prettiest / skinnest years too I might add!). LOL


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cat


Marc Jacobs

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Sage,Laken1 you guys are so sweet.Thanks for the support.

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To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.- Ralph Waldo Emerson
NCshopper


Hermes

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Hey cat--Just read your post.  It sounds like it wasn't an easy decision for you, but it sounds like you made the best decision.  Good for you!



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cat


Marc Jacobs

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Thanks,And again thank you for your advice.

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To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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