STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

jess · Kenneth Cole

Advice needed please!

Andrea Julia · Coach

In general, I have no problem with a guy wanting to start a relationship right away. Sometimes it seems natural: you and the guy have had some great dates and some all night conversations where you are surprised by the crazy quirky things you have in common, and then he says he wants to see you exclusively and it just seems so right. On the other hand, sometimes it makes you uncomfortable, like if you and the guy have not had that insta-connection. It could seriously seem artificial and weird when the guy wants to get serious right away. It makes you think to yourself, "why? what does he even know about me?" And then it can make you start to lose interest. So, if she is not comfortable with it, something tells me she should not move forward or she should ask him to slow down.

blubirde · Chanel

Well, it could go either way really. Her initial reaction could be correct and he's just not the guy for her. Of course, she could try him on for size a little longer and see if he fits. She may end up really liking him.

If she were my friend I'd tell her to tell him to back off or he's going to blow it. After that I'd tell her to give him a chance and see if she liked him. A date or so should tell her that, right? And if she still feels the "ick" (a word I learned on this board!) then it's not gonna happen and she should just let him down gently.

So that's my take anyway! Oh and btw, I DESPISE the "get close quickly" method. One of my pet peeves is false intimacy. I've only been in one situation where it felt right and turns out it was just me that thought it was feeling right. soooo.... that one ended poorly too. ; )

Luv2Shop · Kate Spade

I don't believe in "growing to like" someone. If you are really into someone, I believe it's just there right away! I think she is just feeling really great about finding someone who is really into her, but if she is already getting creeped out, it's not going to work. If she was really into him, the idea of meeting the parents and how much he is into her would really excite her, the fact that she is trying to get him to stop coming on strong is like a loud alarm going off!!
That's just my opinion.

NCshopper · Hermes

I agree w/ luv2shop on this. There are alarm signs to me all over the place on this one. I think your friend should go with her gut instinct on this one. It's flattering that he really likes her, but part of me wonders if he really likes her or if he just really wants to be in a relationship and it doesn't matter with whom. Or it could be that he just likes her way more than she likes him, and both of those situations aren't going to lead to a long-lasting, stable relationship.

Smothering guys to me seem desperate and I think your friend can do better than this guy. He sounds like a nice guy, but if she isn't that into him, that's fine, just encourage her to not lose hope.

Gut instincts about people are rarely wrong, so I'd tell her to go with her gut.

splash · Kenneth Cole

Most of the time, I know immediately if I'm going to end up dating a guy - so even if we don't have the official 'exclusive' talk for a while, it's clear and implied where we're going. So he could be feeling that way. But the 'not a player' part makes me suspicious. Seriously, when someone prefaces a statement with 'trust me' it's a good hint they're lying, and this seems similar. However, I agree that it comes down to her gut feeling. I think she should just go at her own pace, let him know what's comfortable, and if he's really that into her, he'll wait.