STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Hermes

husband wants to cancel weekend away

greendiamond · Marc Jacobs

There will always be something to do around the house, and there is always a "better" way to spend the money. But, that doesn't mean that you still don't need and deserve a break. And, let's face it, even if you gave yourself a break from the house "stuff" (compromised and didn't go away and spend, but still took a well deserved break) you'd still be in a house where around every corner you are reminded of this project and that... Not relaxing!

Especially with hubby going on a month long trip soon, I think you need to push back and see if he can be convinced. You were headed to Traverse City, right? If ever there was someone in need of doing a little wine tasting and unwinding, I think it's you. The bay, the booze, the B&B.... worth its weight in gold (or in your case, worth its weight in tile and paint and spackle and...)

Hermes

Yes TC -- was nearly impossible to find a room last minute for labor day weekend, but I finally did find a B&B a little outside the city nearest Old Mission Peninsula. Even has an antique shop next door. http://www.warwickinn.net/ Got a room with a queen bed for only $95 (cheap for a holiday weekend rate!)

I am cognizant that he values the opportunity to have an extended period of time at home. Maybe I could ask him to tack a couple of vacation days on to his holiday weekend so he can spend some time here like he wants to?

Boots · Gucci

I think that you need to make sure that your DH understands exactly just how important this weekend is to you. He's out of the house a majority of the day so while he may say he understands that it is "annoying" to you, I doubt he really understands how badly you need a break.

GD is right. There will always be something that needs to be done around the house for as long as you own the house. But there will only be one Labor Day Weekend in 2010. Ask him exactly what is more important to him, working on a project around the house or making his wife's sanity return? What can he do this weekend that can't possibly be done next weekend (I mean, you only really have one extra day with the holiday. We're not talking a week off here.)

I don't know about you or your relationship, but personally, I would end up resenting him for not hearing what I'm saying about my needs. I don't think you are being unreasonable here at all.

Hermes

Boots wrote:

I think that you need to make sure that your DH understands exactly just how important this weekend is to you. He's out of the house a majority of the day so while he may say he understands that it is "annoying" to you, I doubt he really understands how badly you need a break.

GD is right. There will always be something that needs to be done around the house for as long as you own the house. But there will only be one Labor Day Weekend in 2010. Ask him exactly what is more important to him, working on a project around the house or making his wife's sanity return? What can he do this weekend that can't possibly be done next weekend (I mean, you only really have one extra day with the holiday. We're not talking a week off here.)

I don't know about you or your relationship, but personally, I would end up resenting him for not hearing what I'm saying about my needs. I don't think you are being unreasonable here at all.

Yes, I am resentful, however, I do see his point of view too. I asked him to extend the weekend with a couple of vacation days and he agreed. I'm waiting for confirmation, but I think we may have found a compromise.

Kelly · Hermes

This might read as passive-aggressive but...could you go alone? First of all, maybe the "threat" of you going alone will make him decide to join you again since you are firm in leaving. And if he still decides to stay home - well, then you get a few days to do exactly what you want on your own vacation. It wouldn't be as fun as having your husband with you perhaps, but it would still be a break that you desperately need.

Hermes

Kelly wrote:

This might read as passive-aggressive but...could you go alone? First of all, maybe the "threat" of you going alone will make him decide to join you again since you are firm in leaving. And if he still decides to stay home - well, then you get a few days to do exactly what you want on your own vacation. It wouldn't be as fun as having your husband with you perhaps, but it would still be a break that you desperately need.

I did think about this briefly. I do think we have reached a compromise though. Not really sure what I would do alone up there either -- we planned on visiting all the wineries (tasting rooms) through Old Mission Peninsula. Not really a fun thing to do by yourself... http://www.wineriesofoldmission.com/

Boots · Gucci

I'm told marriage is a compromise so it's wonderful you guys were able to reach one. Now you both can enjoy your weekend!

I've been to some wine tastings in Saugatuck, but didn't really care for the wine there. I found the wine either very watery or sweet. If you remember, let me know if the northern region produces better wine. I'm thinking the cooler weather and better latitude will make a more concentrated grape (thus a better wine.)

Have a great time!

Hermes

Boots wrote:

I'm told marriage is a compromise so it's wonderful you guys were able to reach one. Now you both can enjoy your weekend!

I've been to some wine tastings in Saugatuck, but didn't really care for the wine there. I found the wine either very watery or sweet. If you remember, let me know if the northern region produces better wine. I'm thinking the cooler weather and better latitude will make a more concentrated grape (thus a better wine.)

Have a great time!

Marriage is a compromise, and it's not always easy! Much better to put my energy toward a compromise than harboring anger and resentment.

Michigan's best wines are white, and yes, some can be sweet, but not all - depends on the grape and blend. I don't care either way though, I like sweet wine too! Really, the most fun is had driving down these lonely country roads through rolling hills surrounded by water, while stopping into wineries for free tastes of wine. We always feel obligated to get a bottle or two (or more) of those we particularly like. I actually enjoy finding the not too sweet fruit wines like cherry, strawberry, and pear. Tasty treat and it has alcohol too! You can't beat a picnic with some artisan cheese, crusty bread, and a bottle of fruit wine smile

My husband will usually buy a port and any red that we might find that's half-way decent.

Boots · Gucci

That sounds like a really wonderful way to spend a weekend!

I'm a wine geek and love learning everything I can about various regions and the wines they produce. My SIL (who's stepdad has property in Saugatuck which is why i was there last year) loves Tabor Hill's cherry wine. I personally prefer dry wine, but I really like to cook with the cherry wine. It makes a great reduction for beef or pork (tasty especially in Fall.) You might want to get a bottle of fruit wine to use for cooking in your new kitchen?

Hermes

Boots wrote:

That sounds like a really wonderful way to spend a weekend!

I'm a wine geek and love learning everything I can about various regions and the wines they produce. My SIL (who's stepdad has property in Saugatuck which is why i was there last year) loves Tabor Hill's cherry wine. I personally prefer dry wine, but I really like to cook with the cherry wine. It makes a great reduction for beef or pork (tasty especially in Fall.) You might want to get a bottle of fruit wine to use for cooking in your new kitchen?

Did you know the Old Mission and Leelanau Peninsulas share the same latitude as Burgundy, France?

I know a lot about wine in general, but I'm kind of anti-geek about it. I drink what I like -- and that's what is most important, I think!

Boots · Gucci

Actually I did (after I looked up exactly where it was in MI.) The latitude of the growing area really affects the grape, although the earth it's grown in and the farming methods used are also major influences too.) I been reading that northern Michigan is starting be looked at very carefully by the wine world simply because of the common 45 degree latitude to Burgundy (and New York's Finger Lake and Oregon and Washington.)

I agree that it's most important to drink what you like. Everybody has different preferences and that's why there are so many different varietals to try. Personally, I don't care for Chardonnay or Merlot. I don't like an abundance of oak and those two kinds are usually pretty oaky. But I do try them at the wine tasting events I go to because you never know when you'll find one you might like or one i can use. I have a SIL who is trying to get her personal chef business off the ground and she uses me for wine rec for her clients. I need to not only take the clients preferences into consideration, but also their events and food. So I'm game to try pretty much anything.

Suasoria · Chanel

Good compromise. Not going = not acceptable, under the circumstances!