STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

whats the most embarrasing thing thats happend to you?

geez leweez, I have to narrow it down to just one?! let’s see there was the time in second grade I wet my pants, the time in sixth grade I wore my pants backwards to school (elastic waist from sears, *shudder*), my frizzy hair in seventh grade which in my opinion counts as one big bad embarrassing thing (before I discovered mousse, seriously you guys I looked like mushroom head), the time I started my period and it leaked through my clothes in 9th grade, high school was relatively uneventful…let’s skip to college…ohh, I know—this has got to be the topper:  the time I spent the night at my boyfriend’s and started my period in the middle of the night and got it all over his sheets yessirree—I think that one wins the prize. 

what do you wish you could take back in life?

well my biggest regrets were the things I didn’t do so let me think, something I did do that I wish I could take back…just anytime I was mean I guess.  Like the time I was rude to the sandwich-maker at subway because she didn’t understand what I meant when I said whole wheat—I should’ve just been nice and explained not rolled my eyes and explained in a way that made her feel dumb.  Basically, I’d take back any of those kinds of incidents.

whats the biggest lie you've told?

well, I’ve lied a lot so again this is a toughie (I had really overprotective parents so I was constantly lying about stuff, I like to think I did it for their peace of mind though…)…hmmm, let me think…ohh, I know:

Senior year in high school, I took every AP class (Advanced Placement classes, where you get college credit if you pass this test at the end of the year) offered.  It was so ridiculous, if it said AP in front of it I took it.  Which landed me in AP Calculus.  And of course little miss esquiress is all immersed in having fun and socializing and never does her homework and instead copies her best friend’s.  So where does that land me?  With failing grades on the tests, that’s where.  And nobody really knew because we had secret codes we could pick that our grades were posted under and my guy friend who was a whiz at calculus picked my name as his code so every week when grades were posted, my name would be at the top but it was his grade.  So anyway, of course my friends knew I was failing but they had this misguided faith that somehow I would fix it by the time the semester grades came out and they tutored me and everything but it was no use—I got a D the first semester.  And I hid my report card from my parents and never told them and every time they’d ask I’d be like oh I guess it’s taking longer this year.  So then with my friends’ help, I raised the grade to a C by third quarter and then showed my parents the third quarter report card and said it was the first semester one. 

So anyway, I totally get caught and in the most horrible way possible…in May we all got acceptances and rejections to the various colleges we applied to.  I got accepted to UC San Diego, UC Riverside and UC Santa Barbara but got rejected from UCLA and Berkeley.  Fine, I was disappointed but whatever, totally looked forward to going to UC San Diego.  But, the acceptances were all “provisional” meaning you were accepted as long as you kept your grades up senior year.  So I totally think that the D in Calculus won’t matter because I raised it to a C, but guess what?  It mattered.  A week before orientation, I’m all set to go and one of my close friends is all excited because we were both going together …and then…cue suspenseful music here…they revoked my acceptance and I had to tell my parents.  Honestly you guys it was like the bottom dropped out from under me.  I tried everything, going to my high school guidance counselor having him talk to the UCSD people and they were like, nope she can’t come unless the grade gets changed.  So then my teacher told me she’d change the grade if I passed this old AP test she had.  Mind you it’s the end of summer at this point so what little Calculus I’d managed to learn was long gone by now, oh and by the way, I got a 1 on the AP test I took in May, the scale is 1-5 by the way so I literally got the lowest number possible).  Oh and at this point that I’m supposed to take this test, my parents still don’t know about UCSD revoking my acceptance. 

So it’s the end of summer, I’m in the school library taking this test to change my grade, I don’t know anything, totally guessing on the multiple choice and then comes time from the free response portion where you have to show your work…sh*t.  I oh so casually stroll out of the library (the librarians were like nice to see you again sweetie, they had no idea what the situation was) and I run to my best friend’s house with the test.  I get to her house in a panic I’m like I don’t have that much time to explain, the worst possible thing in the world has happened, I quickly tell her and beg her to do the free response portion of the test for me.  She does, bless her heart, furiously calculating while I’m furiously pacing.  She finishes, I run back to the library and spend five minutes there packing up and what not and then go turn it in to the guidance counselor who gave it to the teacher.

But it was all for naught, I, even with the help of my friend, didn’t pass the test.  She was soo disappointed.  And my other friend who I was supposed to go to school with was so disappointed.  and I of course was devastated!  Finally, I tell my parents, I had to call my mom she was like oh my god.  as soon as I got off the phone I was crying and crying, my little cousins were over that day (the day I found out, not the day I took the test) and they were like don’t cry, it’ll be ok.  So anyway, then my mom calls my dad and he’s like what?!?!? 

So then we, my mom, dad and I went to UC Riverside and asked if my acceptance was still open there and it was thank the lord and so I went there for a year and a half before transferring to UCLA.  And you know what? It was the best possible thing that could’ve happened, because I met the coolest people, one of whom is my best friend (my best friend from high school, the one who took the test for me, are still super close too so I feel a little guilty calling my current best friend my best friend but I don’t think my old best friend really cares, we’re all close so what does it matter you know?)

Anyway, sorry for the super-long saga but there you have it:  the story of esquiress’s biggest lie ever.

what do you normally do on the weekends?

let’s see, hang out and have dinner w/ friends on Friday, brunch/lunch/shopping w/ friends on Saturday day, go out Saturday night, either to dinner on sunset or drinks at a hotel (the viceroy or w usually) or a club (last Saturday it was sky bar, which gets way more hype than it deserves, but whatever), Sunday do laundry and clean my room and unfortunately sometimes go into work and Sunday night just hang out at a friend’s or have people over.

do you speak another language?

only one—bengali, which is because that’s the part of the world I’m from, the country of Bangladesh, to be exact.

have any pets?

nope, I totally want a dog but our apt. complex won’t allow it and to be honest I wouldn’t be the greatest dog owner because I’m just not home enough.  I have all kinds of names already picked out though, like Doggie (pronounced w/ a long o, so it rhymes w/ hoagie) if I had a big ole mastiff, moo-moo if I had a st. Bernard (a big one so it’d look like a little cow, thus the name), or The Pugster if I had a pug, or bully-wully if I had a bulldog…actually these names are pretty cheesy, huh?  maybe it’s best that I don’t have a dog, after all…

what kind of music do you most enjoy listening to?

high energy dance music and anything that makes me want to move or just moves me in general.  lately I love that song by the all-american rejects but I’ve only heard it once or twice, I think it’s called move along?

whats the last movie you saw?

mad hot ballroom—I LOVED it and even posted about it in the entertainment section.

esquiress wrote:

---

what do you normally do on the weekends?   let’s see, hang out and have dinner w/ friends on Friday, brunch/lunch/shopping w/ friends on Saturday day, go out Saturday night, either to dinner on sunset or drinks at a hotel (the viceroy or w usually) or a club (last Saturday it was sky bar, which gets way more hype than it deserves, but whatever), Sunday do laundry and clean my room and unfortunately sometimes go into work and Sunday night just hang out at a friend’s or have people over.

---

crystal wrote:

---

i think your entertainment budget is a little larger than mine, but i'll start saving up & we can have a night out on the town!

---

not at all--to be honest, i hate paying to get into anywhere.  i dunno, i just feel like they should be so lucky to have me there! j/k...kinda so save you're $ for shopping! oh, total tangent for a sec--i've noticed i haven't posted in the shopping forum for a while and it's because i can never find pics of the stuff i buy!  even today, when i found a pic of this tracy reese top i got this past weekend, it wouldn't post!  so frustrating because i really want to share w/ y'all!

but seriously, let's meet up @ the least expensive place possible, like let's just stroll down 3rd st--totally free and totally fun! 

janey831 wrote:

---

i dont know if this question was asked, but since y ou give such GREAT advie abt relationships, when was your first love, first heartbreak, etc? (if y ou don't mind sharing, that is)

---

well, peeps, it’s a doozy and I think I’ve shared parts of it but here’s the full story:

it was a dark and stormy night (seriously it was, which is pretty rare for LA) and the electricity had just gone out (seriously, it did), and we were hanging out in his apt. and he asked me to spend the night, promised there’d be no funny business and he’d drive me home in the morning and I said…yes…and then…the bottom dropped out from under me.

ok, ok, obviously you all need some back story but I can never resist starting the saga with the ‘dark and stormy night’ bit—soo melodramatic, I know!  anyway, from the beginning of the beginning…

I was almost 21 and a senior in college, I’d finished taking all my required classes and only had electives left to take, so I’d auditioned to take this acting workshop where undergrads get to be in the graduate film students’ films.  C was one of the grad. students.  he was from texas, not my type at all, but i started crushing on him the moment we had our first conversation.

to be honest, I didn’t even notice C when the class first started because I had my hands full with this oh-so-hot guy, or “model guy” as he was known to me and all my friends back then.  but anyway, the night before I first conversated w/ C, I’d had a big fight with model guy, made my friends come pick me up from his house (I didn’t drive back then so people were always chauffering me around), drama all over the place but whatever, I’d be damned if I was going to miss my acting class. 

so anyway, C came up to me that day wanting to know if I wanted to be in his end of the quarter student film (which was only two minutes long by the way and was totally weird and sucked but that just goes to show I really liked C, because I’d convinced myself he had “vision”—ha!) and asked me to perform a monologue for him.  so I was like sure, we met up later that afternoon, I performed it, he liked it and we ended up just talking for like an hour afterward.  and I remember walking back to my apartment from school and thinking…I think I have a crush!

so during the next couple of weeks, C would pick me up from my apt. and we’d go to his apt and rehearse.  and invariably we’d stay up talking until the wee hours, about everything and nothing and I totally remember liking him but being like, is he only talking to me because he’s really into his film or whatever?  and when I’d tell my friends they’d be like of course he likes you, what guy just talks to a girl for that long unless he likes her? but I was like I dunno…

so then the night of the filming comes, all the other grad students are there, the whole thing’s at C’s apt., there’s lights, camera, action and then poof! it’s over, all that hoopla over a 2 minute film!  so then everyone leaves, it’s just C and me at his apt., I’m lying on my stomach on his floor he’s lying on his stomach on his couch and reaching down and rubbing my back and we’re talking and talking and it’s pouring outside and then the lights go out.  he’s like can you just spend the night, and I’ll drive you home tomorrow?  and I say yes and I was already in pjs (flannel pj’s, for the film) and then we go in his big bed and…go to sleep!  I’m like wait a minute this cannot be right, so I touch my foot to his and say my feet are cold (I know, I know—soo obvious!) and then we start cuddling and he kisses me and then I go “you’re not going to tell your film friends about this are you?” and he’s like no, one of them’s been giving me lectures on marriage…

WAIT A MINUTE—LECTURES ON MARRIAGE?!??!?!? WAS C MARRIED?!?!?!

which is exactly what I asked him, in this shell-shocked tone of voice and he’s like NO!! and then I get this sinking feeling…you have a girlfriend.  yes.  long distance, back in texas, that he neglected to mention during any of our late night chats (during which I told him everything about me).  I was flabbergasted, and asked do you love her?  and he was like yes.  and I’m like then what am I doing here??  so anyway, we proceed to talk, obviously I refuse to kiss him again, the next morning comes, he got called to fill in on a shoot of one of the other students early that morning, he left me at his apt., of course I snooped around, found a picture of her and then felt even worse I just remember feeling so sorry and like what the hell did I just walk into???

so anyway then I walked home (about a mile) and as soon as I got home I told my roommates everything and they were like what?!?!?!  so the next day, he wrote me this letter of apology and gave it to me and asked if we could still be friends and I was like why are you apologizing to me? shouldn’t be apologizing to your girlfriend?  but I agreed to be friends with him (I know, I know, what was I thinking?!)  and my friends were all like that is a bad idea!  so for the next few weeks all we did was just hang out but there was still this vibe between us you know? so then one night, right before thanksgiving break, we end up kissing again.  and then I went back to my parents’ for the holiday, told my best friend what was going on and she literally stayed up all night with me convincing me I could never see him again.  and of course she was right so that’s what I told him. 

and then…he asks me if I would be willing to date him if he got his girlfriend to agree to “a break” so they could “see other people.”  and I’m like yeah, right why would any girl agree to that?!  but lo and behold she did.  and I said well, if you guys aren’t exclusive, I guess we could see each other (I know, I know, why was I involving myself further in all this??)  so then over the next six months C and I proceed to spend every minute together and we fall in love—he said it first, it was pretty dramatic, we’d had a big fight over me refusing to sleep w/ him (for my own personal reasons but like the long distance gf he was taking a “break” from wasn’t reason enough?) and I was like what the heck am I doing, enough is enough and then he said you can’t leave me or be upset with me, i am so in love with you.  and well…I melted.  but I didn’t say it back right then, I said it a few weeks later I think.

and then we were going to break up because his gf was moving there to be with him so they wouldn’t have to be on a break anymore.  and it was like the most emotional break up, he was sobbing I was trying to keep it together, it was a mess. and the whole time I’m like if you’re in love w/ me and crying over me leaving why don’t you just break up with her?? but whatever, we broke up.

until…he comes rapping on my door, saying it wasn’t working out w/ her and he didn’t know what he was thinking and he broke up with her for good this time (no more “let’s take a break” bs).  and I was like you couldn’t have done that before she moved all the way out here?  what were you thinking?? but he was like will you have me back?  and I, like the lovestruck fool I was, said yes.  and my best friend was like this is ridiculous and she was totally right, it really was ridiculous.  so anyway, then we proceed to go out for another year and parts of it were really fabulous but looking back there’s no way it could’ve worked out—our relationship just started out on the wrong foot from day one, you know?

so anyway, a year passed and I was applying for law school and for a while I thought I’d have to move to san Francisco for law school so at least in my head, a break up seemed imminent.  no way was I going to subject myself to a long distance relationship w/ him (hello, he and I were the product of his last long distance relationship) so I was seriously grappling with how to break up w/ him.  but then I got into usc for law school so then a break up didn’t seem like it had to happen. 

but…he’d been talking about taking a trip around the world and whenever he said so I was like sure, babe, whatever, thinking yeah, right like his parents are going to foot the bill for him to take a year off school and just travel the world.  but guess what?  they did.  and so, about halfway through my first semester at law school, we broke up for real and he went off to travel around the world. 

and that was that.  C and I never saw each other again.  it was almost two years to the day we met that we were finally over.  and it took me about a year after that to be over him…geez leweez, just writing out all that was exhausting, I can’t imagine how I lived through it!

so yeah, C was my first love and first heartbreak and I’ve left out a lot of romantic moments (like his love letters, they always did get to me…) but this saga was long enough as is!  our relationship taught me a hell of a lot (the most important lesson being, make triple sure the guy you’re crushing on doesn’t have a girlfriend!!)

esquiress wrote:

---

janey831 wrote:
i dont know if this question was asked, but since y ou give such GREAT advie abt relationships, when was your first love, first heartbreak, etc? (if y ou don't mind sharing, that is)

well, peeps, it’s a doozy and I think I’ve shared parts of it but here’s the full story:
 
it was a dark and stormy night (seriously it was, which is pretty rare for LA) and the electricity had just gone out (seriously, it did), and we were hanging out in his apt. and he asked me to spend the night, promised there’d be no funny business and he’d drive me home in the morning and I said…yes…and then…the bottom dropped out from under me.
 
ok, ok, obviously you all need some back story but I can never resist starting the saga with the ‘dark and stormy night’ bit—soo melodramatic, I know!  anyway, from the beginning of the beginning…
 
I was almost 21 and a senior in college, I’d finished taking all my required classes and only had electives left to take, so I’d auditioned to take this acting workshop where undergrads get to be in the graduate film students’ films.  C was one of the grad. students.  he was from texas, not my type at all, but i started crushing on him the moment we had our first conversation.
to be honest, I didn’t even notice C when the class first started because I had my hands full with this oh-so-hot guy, or “model guy” as he was known to me and all my friends back then.  but anyway, the night before I first conversated w/ C, I’d had a big fight with model guy, made my friends come pick me up from his house (I didn’t drive back then so people were always chauffering me around), drama all over the place but whatever, I’d be damned if I was going to miss my acting class. 
 
so anyway, C came up to me that day wanting to know if I wanted to be in his end of the quarter student film (which was only two minutes long by the way and was totally weird and sucked but that just goes to show I really liked C, because I’d convinced myself he had “vision”—ha!) and asked me to perform a monologue for him.  so I was like sure, we met up later that afternoon, I performed it, he liked it and we ended up just talking for like an hour afterward.  and I remember walking back to my apartment from school and thinking…I think I have a crush!
 
so during the next couple of weeks, C would pick me up from my apt. and we’d go to his apt and rehearse.  and invariably we’d stay up talking until the wee hours, about everything and nothing and I totally remember liking him but being like, is he only talking to me because he’s really into his film or whatever?  and when I’d tell my friends they’d be like of course he likes you, what guy just talks to a girl for that long unless he likes her? but I was like I dunno…
 
so then the night of the filming comes, all the other grad students are there, the whole thing’s at C’s apt., there’s lights, camera, action and then poof! it’s over, all that hoopla over a 2 minute film!  so then everyone leaves, it’s just C and me at his apt., I’m lying on my stomach on his floor he’s lying on his stomach on his couch and reaching down and rubbing my back and we’re talking and talking and it’s pouring outside and then the lights go out.  he’s like can you just spend the night, and I’ll drive you home tomorrow?  and I say yes and I was already in pjs (flannel pj’s, for the film) and then we go in his big bed and…go to sleep!  I’m like wait a minute this cannot be right, so I touch my foot to his and say my feet are cold (I know, I know—soo obvious!) and then we start cuddling and he kisses me and then I go “you’re not going to tell your film friends about this are you?” and he’s like no, one of them’s been giving me lectures on marriage…
 
WAIT A MINUTE—LECTURES ON MARRIAGE?!??!?!? WAS C MARRIED?!?!?!
 
which is exactly what I asked him, in this shell-shocked tone of voice and he’s like NO!! and then I get this sinking feeling…you have a girlfriend.  yes.  long distance, back in texas, that he neglected to mention during any of our late night chats (during which I told him everything about me).  I was flabbergasted, and asked do you love her?  and he was like yes.  and I’m like then what am I doing here??  so anyway, we proceed to talk, obviously I refuse to kiss him again, the next morning comes, he got called to fill in on a shoot of one of the other students early that morning, he left me at his apt., of course I snooped around, found a picture of her and then felt even worse I just remember feeling so sorry and like what the hell did I just walk into???
 
so anyway then I walked home (about a mile) and as soon as I got home I told my roommates everything and they were like what?!?!?!  so the next day, he wrote me this letter of apology and gave it to me and asked if we could still be friends and I was like why are you apologizing to me? shouldn’t be apologizing to your girlfriend?  but I agreed to be friends with him (I know, I know, what was I thinking?!)  and my friends were all like that is a bad idea!  so for the next few weeks all we did was just hang out but there was still this vibe between us you know? so then one night, right before thanksgiving break, we end up kissing again.  and then I went back to my parents’ for the holiday, told my best friend what was going on and she literally stayed up all night with me convincing me I could never see him again.  and of course she was right so that’s what I told him. 
 
and then…he asks me if I would be willing to date him if he got his girlfriend to agree to “a break” so they could “see other people.”  and I’m like yeah, right why would any girl agree to that?!  but lo and behold she did.  and I said well, if you guys aren’t exclusive, I guess we could see each other (I know, I know, why was I involving myself further in all this??)  so then over the next six months C and I proceed to spend every minute together and we fall in love—he said it first, it was pretty dramatic, we’d had a big fight over me refusing to sleep w/ him (for my own personal reasons but like the long distance gf he was taking a “break” from wasn’t reason enough?) and I was like what the heck am I doing, enough is enough and then he said you can’t leave me or be upset with me, i am so in love with you.  and well…I melted.  but I didn’t say it back right then, I said it a few weeks later I think.
 
and then we were going to break up because his gf was moving there to be with him so they wouldn’t have to be on a break anymore.  and it was like the most emotional break up, he was sobbing I was trying to keep it together, it was a mess. and the whole time I’m like if you’re in love w/ me and crying over me leaving why don’t you just break up with her?? but whatever, we broke up.
 
until…he comes rapping on my door, saying it wasn’t working out w/ her and he didn’t know what he was thinking and he broke up with her for good this time (no more “let’s take a break” bs).  and I was like you couldn’t have done that before she moved all the way out here?  what were you thinking?? but he was like will you have me back?  and I, like the lovestruck fool I was, said yes.  and my best friend was like this is ridiculous and she was totally right, it really was ridiculous.  so anyway, then we proceed to go out for another year and parts of it were really fabulous but looking back there’s no way it could’ve worked out—our relationship just started out on the wrong foot from day one, you know?
 
so anyway, a year passed and I was applying for law school and for a while I thought I’d have to move to san Francisco for law school so at least in my head, a break up seemed imminent.  no way was I going to subject myself to a long distance relationship w/ him (hello, he and I were the product of his last long distance relationship) so I was seriously grappling with how to break up w/ him.  but then I got into usc for law school so then a break up didn’t seem like it had to happen. 
 
but…he’d been talking about taking a trip around the world and whenever he said so I was like sure, babe, whatever, thinking yeah, right like his parents are going to foot the bill for him to take a year off school and just travel the world.  but guess what?  they did.  and so, about halfway through my first semester at law school, we broke up for real and he went off to travel around the world. 
 
and that was that.  C and I never saw each other again.  it was almost two years to the day we met that we were finally over.  and it took me about a year after that to be over him…geez leweez, just writing out all that was exhausting, I can’t imagine how I lived through it!
 
so yeah, C was my first love and first heartbreak and I’ve left out a lot of romantic moments (like his love letters, they always did get to me…) but this saga was long enough as is!  our relationship taught me a hell of a lot (the most important lesson being, make triple sure the guy you’re crushing on doesn’t have a girlfriend!!)
 when I think back to that little girl who wanted to marry C more than anything in the world,  I thank god she didn’t get her wish!  but I also thank god that I know what real love feels like, so that the next time around, I can recognize it.  so even if it wasn’t forever and even though it did have its share of drama, I am so much richer for having had the experience.

---