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sfclinevandy · Coach

Wedding Etiquette Question

kenzie · Chanel

If I were Mike's girlfriend and he brought another girl to a wedding, whether I knew the people or not, I would be so pissed. My bf was just in a wedding and, even though I didn't know most of the people there, there was no question as to whether or not I would be his date. And that goes for any wedding that I or he would be invited to.

But to address your question, I don't think that you would be a 'crazy crasher.' When an invite says 'and guest' that means that that person can bring whomever they choose. Like I said, I was just at a wedding with the bf where I didn't know too many people, but I went anyway and had a great time!

I would just be worried about the gf situation. It could be uncomfortable just because of that.

Andrea Julia · Coach

I think it will be really upsetting to his girlfriend if he didn't bring her. I personally would consider that grounds for breaking up. However, that really has nothing to do with you. If you want to go, you should go. You were invited by Mike. His invite said "Mike and guest". If they specifically wanted his girlfriend to go, they would have put her name on the invitation.

atlgirl · Gucci

It might make people angry (gf, other wedding participants), but it is completely Mike's option regarding whom he brings as his guest. And if he chooses to bring you...I'm not sure that's the *best* choice (because of the gf, though I think you'd have a great time), but it's still *his* choice (and now yours, since he asked you) to make.

Brian is a little jealous about Mike and I, but he's learn to accept what good friends we are

??? You guys are not together - what's with the jealousy? If one of my exes had that kind of issue, I'd not-so-gently remind him that he's an EX and tell him to get over it. *s*

On the plus side, I can't wait to see your ThreadStyle posts for what you're going to wear to this shindig.

greendiamond · Marc Jacobs

Go to the wedding. If he and his girlfriend were seen as a serious couple then the invite would have had that girls name on it instead of "an guest" And even if they weren't serious and they really wanted her there, they could have either put her name on the invite or invited her seperately. And, since you are his best girl friend, you are the best suitable replacement.

-gd

bex · Chanel

when it says "and guest" anything (or anyone) is game. they must specifically put the girlfriend's name on the invite in order to presume that it would be her attending. i just read an etiquette question kinda similiar where a bride presumed that her friend (a girl) would be bringing her boyfriend and she didn't- she brought her friend (who is also a girl)... the bride was pissed- but etiquette says when the invite says "and guest" that guest can be anyone-

go and have fun! and be sure to post your outfit!

esquiress · Marc Jacobs

hmm...think i'm gonna have to part with the crowd on this one. i guess the thing that's the most "crash" like about it is that the couple knows you and specifically didn't invite you, which is totally understandable of course, since you're not that close to them, i mean it's not like they have anything against you...but still...and then to add to the awkwardness, coming as mike's date when everyone knows he has a girlfriend also makes it look pretty inappropriate. while it's technically not party crashing, i think it might raise a few eyebrows and some whispered comments...especially if you end up hooking up with brian...

but whatever, if you could care less about what people say, go for it and have a blast! and post what you end up wearing!

honey · Gucci

i don't think it would be rude, and i don't think you would be seen as a crazy crasher. imo with events like that there are inevitably people who you want to invite but don't either b/c space doesn't allow or you just forget about them (not in a bad way) and when they show up it's a pleasant surprise. worst case scenario you might have to field some questions about the absence of the gf, but i think everyone will be too caught up in the moment to really care.

the thing that concerns me is the situation with brian & his gf. not that you should care, but i think that by going you might unwittingly involve yourself in their relationship drama. if he takes you instead of her, she's going to view you as a potential threat to their relationship. (of course she could have been invited and declined then there's no problem) and that's going to make future encounters with her awkward, so say the least. obviously this isn't really your problem, but i avoid drama like the plague, so it's something to consider.

halleybird · Hermes

I don't think it's rude of you at all. If I was his girlfriend, though, I'd be royally TO'd.

blubirde · Chanel

Go if you want. The issue with Mike and his gf is his problem (their problem), not yours. If I was dating a guy and was invited to a wedding + guest, I wouldn't feel obligated to bring the guy. If I had a girlfriend who knew the people a little better or who I'd have more fun with, I'd take her and wouldn't think twice about it.

The thing I'd caution about though is the hooking up with Brian. Not because he's an ex or anything, that's neither here nor there - I'm sure you're a big enough girl to handle that situation. But if I took a friend and he/she hooked up with a guy/girl, I'd be kinda pissed because I'd want them to hang out with me, ya know? And vice versa, I'd never leave my friend high and dry for a guy. But again, that's just me and I'm not sure exactly what the situation will be. Just something to keep in mind!

And I'm just going to get a little ranty for a sec here. Don't you hate it when a member of a group of people you hung out with at some point (or currently) gets married and invites every person from the group except for you? Man, that blows. It makes sense and all if you weren't that close to the person but that doesn't mean you don't feel a bit left out. Of course, I'm a bit of an attention whore, so this may be a "me" problem not a "we" problem.

Chic · Marc Jacobs

OK since I am bride to be I will give that opinion. I think that if I invited my friend and he had a girlfriend, I would assume that is who he would bring.

But before my fiance and I got engaged both our names would be on the invitation. One wedding I did get and guest, but they thought it was more proper to do that since we aren't married yet.

I might think it was weird that he didn't bring the girlfriend and maybe be sad for a mili second if she wasn't there if I liked her, but in the end I really could care less.

I would want the friend to have a good time, and if it doesn't cause any drama with the ex, like in it isn't weird to you, but might be weird to him.... as long as this you are still friendly with this couple, versus them not liking you since you and Brian broke up.

I wouldn't look at you as a crasher, I might wonder who you are, but I really think that I wouldn't notice since there would be so much going on.

jacL · Coach

How does the GF feel about this? Personally, I would ok with my BF brigning someone else to a wedding if I didn't really know the other guests well and he had a friend who knew them all. But a lot of girls would not see it that way. Really, it is his choice, but I wouldn't want to cause problems in his r-ship. But I wouldn't worry about being a "crasher."

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

Ok, for what it's worth... technically I think if you went you'd be fine, etiquette-wise. But... it seems like this has the potential for some drama, and from experience, I know it's the sort of thing that tends to piss off brides. Someone pulled something similar at a friend's wedding, and all the girls got together and talked about how rude it was to do something attention-getting like that and cause drama on someone's special day. Not that it actually was rude, and not that you would mean anything by it or be trying to cause drama. It could just be mispercieved. So I probably wouldn't bother to go. But then again, I hate conflict. If you don't know (or care about) the bride or her friends, or mind if people talk ("doesn't Mike have a girlfriend?" sort of thing) or think everyone would be cool with it, I don't see the problem.

crystal · Kate Spade

is there any way u can contact the bride ahead of time to get her OK? or maybe have mike contact her? i think as long as u make sure that the bride didn't intentionally NOT invite you, then u should totally go. sounds like it was a matter of not having enough space or not feeling the need to invite "acquaintances" (sp?) so if you called her up (and who knows, maybe it's bad etiquette?) i'm sure she'd be happy to have you there. i dunno, i've been to very few weddings in my life & they've all been family (and in my family each guest brings about a million people & the wedding is so big ur lucky if the bride even knows ur there!).

member · Hermes

No one else has asked this question yet, so I'm going to - why doesn't Mike want to take his girlfriend to the wedding? Are they broken up or not getting along at the moment or something? I guess I'm not understanding why he wouldnt' want to take her, especially if the bride and groom know her and they get along. If my boyfriend ever did that to me I'd be pissed off at him and whatever girl he took.

sfclinevandy · Coach

For further clarification...

Mike really doesn't know the bride very well... besides he's not the type to contact her to ask if it would be okay. If he does want to take me, he'll probably call the groom. I've never met the bride and the groom is only an acquaintance...the only reason we know each other is because he's close friends with my ex and Mike.

Other issue about Mike's girlfriend. She hates me. What's crazy is I've never even met her. We were all supposed to go to lunch when they were in Florida visiting his parents but she, according to Mike, made a scene about being "sick" and refused to come. Mike has told her even though we are JUST friends and that's all we've ever been (our joke is we don't want to catch each other's cooties... we won't even drink after each other), she's still really insecure. Not that I know her, but from what Mike tells me I think she's crazy and wants nothing more than to get married. Of course Mike is a TERRIBLE boyfriend and I've never understand why girls put up with him (as a boyfriend)... but that's another story. Long story short, thier relationship is a rollar coaster and lately there have been lots of lows and no highs. I don't think he doesn't want to take her, but in his words I'm more fun and would know more people there.

He's coming this weekend so I'm sure we'll figure it out. It sounds terrible, but my loyalty is 100% with Mike and I'm not really concerned with what his girlfriend thinks. If he decides to take his girlfriend, I will totally understand.

Oh and blubirde, thanks for your advice. You're right about the whole hooking up with Brian if I'm Mike's date being bad news. I see where you're coming from and I don't want to have Mike hating me for ditching him. Brian is fun to flirt with but he's an ex for a reason

-- Edited by sfclinevandy at 15:52, 2005-07-28

beachgirl · Kenneth Cole

If it were me, I would tell him to quit being such an ass and to take his girlfriend. That's my personality though. I wouldn't want to encourage his bad behavior. His girlfriend is wrong for hating you when she doesn't even know you, but, I can understand why she would feel insecure, especially since it sounds like he's not a great boyfriend to begin with.

BUT - it would not be crashing or bad etiquette for you to go. Like you said your loyalty is with him. If he does take you and not her though, I would be prepared for any drama that might ensue.

bean · Kenneth Cole

if the couple wanted Mike's girlfriend at the wedding, then they would have specifically written her name on the invite or sent her a separate invite, . It's their own fault if they thought "guest" meant so-and-so. it's basic etiquette and everyone who's planning a wedding should know that. quite frankly, I think it's just rude when people write "guest" on a wedding invitation unless the person they're sending the invite to isn't sure who they'll be bringing to the wedding. so in that sense, it's perfectly fine for you to come to the wedding.

now I don't know how comfortable I'd be going to a wedding with someone else's boyfriend. sure, they're always on and off again, and maybe right now they're off, but I would still feel weird about.

on the other hand, sounds like Mike should get himself a set of b*lls and break up with this girl.