STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

jen · Kate Spade

A friend just went nuts on me.

Collette · Chanel

Wow! She sounds terribly touchy about her working out habits. Is she really thin? I mean do you have cause to worry that perhaps she is taking her workout habits too far? I would give it a couple of days just for both of you to cool and the next time you see her just tell her she seemed really upset by what you had said and you're sorry if she felt you were accusing her of anything and that if she needs to talk you'll be there for her and drop it. Unless of course you feel she may be seriously be putting her health at risk but working out. Good luck!

theotherjess · Chanel

I don't think you did anything wrong at all. My first impression is that if she exploded like that on you, something must be wrong (you didn't imply that she was bulimic, but she denied it anyways?). You were just trying to help her out and look out for her wellbeing and you obviously know what you're talking about (don't you teach fitness classes?). If she flipped out like that, that sort of sends a signal. I don't think you should do anything immediately, but if she keeps acting funny and is dieting or not eating a lot, then maybe try talking to her or having another friend talk to her if you are nonconfrontational.

DC Shopper · Dooney & Bourke

i don't think you did anything wrong, either. the fact that your comment seemed to touch a nerve might signal that something is kind of weird with her. that's a lot of working out she's doing.

i would not press the issue but just let her cool down and come to you - maybe then she'll be more receptive to your concerns and you can let her know you're around if she needs to talk - as long as she knows you're just concerned for her well-being and not just being preachy, she shouldn't be mad.

crystal · Kate Spade

i don't have much to add that hasn't been said, but i just wanted to say that the fact she denied being bulimic instead of anorexic seems weird to me. i mean, people throw around "anorexic" all the time so if she had said "it's not like i'm anorexic" then i would consider that a pretty normal comment. bulimia is not something that is discussed as much, tho so it seems odd that that was the first thing that popped into her head. maybe it's nothing, just wanted to throw in my two cents!

halleybird · Hermes

I'm sorry Jen -- you didn't do anything wrong. It def. sounds like something is going on with her; if not an eating disorder, some kind of compulsive exercising.

jen · Kate Spade

Okay, so I've been obsessing about this day all and I remember that one friend told me that once when her and Amber were eating at Panera Bread, Amber went and threw up in the bathroom after eating. Amber's defense to my friend was, "I'm not bulimic, I only do it if I ate too much." I really think she has some issues but how can I get to the bottom of it to help her if she gets so defensive even about me saying she could stand to lose all that cardio? I mean, she went on yelling for a while, I couldn't get a word in. I just really hate the whole situation.

lsubatgirl · Gucci

hmm I've always been told you can't help someone who doesn't want help. I think the best thing would be to print out the warning signs of bulemia and eating disorders in general and maybe a help group or phone number and just leave it. When she's ready she'll do something about it. If she has a bf I would talk to him but otherwise I don't know what else you can do about it.

I will say in high school when I had a gym membership I did do roughly an hour and a half to two hours of cardio 5-6 days a week and no one thought that was strange and I didn't have an eating disorder. I was just bored and wanted to work out with my friends.

NCshopper · Hermes

jen wrote:

Okay, so I've been obsessing about this day all and I remember that one friend told me that once when her and Amber were eating at Panera Bread, Amber went and threw up in the bathroom after eating. Amber's defense to my friend was, "I'm not bulimic, I only do it if I ate too much."

Are you serious?!?! "I'm not bulimic, I only do it if I ate too much."?!?!?! Well, that is bulimia, unfortunately. I agree with what the other posters said: for her to flip out on you like that after an innocent comment is a red flag that something is wrong. And I agree with Crystal that for her to say "bulimic" instead of "anorexic," while it seems small, is kind of an odd thing for her to say.

I think you should wait a few days before talking to her about it, and in the meantime, subtly talk to some of your mutual friends to gauge what they think about it. They may have some insight into what's going on. After a few days have passed, let your friend know that you hadn't meant to imply anything but that you thought her reaction was unusual for her. I'd let her know that you're there for her, but that in your opinion, what she's doing isn't healthy.

If you and your friends come to the realization that she truly needs help, then maybe staging an intervention of sorts is necessary or just letting her know that you're concerned about her may open the door for a conversation with her about it. Good luck with it! Nobody likes confrontation, but this sounds like a situation that needs to be dealt with.