STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

kenzie · Chanel

Do I have to go SO's future SIL's bridal shower?

Boots · Gucci

I think you should at least make a gracious appearance. You're marrying into the family and part of being a family is showing up to these things Best to start it off on the right foot. It's a couple of hours at the very worse, but that's better than hearing about how you weren't there the rest of your life. Remember, both you and this future SIL are new comers to his family. You might need an ally at some point.

When you get there, mention causally mention how you need to leave a little early, but emphasis how important it was to you to make it in the first place. Then, right before the gifts, make your get away. Everybody will be so focused on the bride and her stash, that you will be able to say goodbye to the hostess and slip out.

kenzie · Chanel

I see what you're saying, but this family doesn't consider either of us "new"- they are a big, welcoming Italian family and they already consider both of us a part of it and don't treat us any differently than family members who already married in.

I'm not concerned with them holding it over my head if I can't go. It's a huge family (over 25 people in the immediate family) and there are events on a pretty frequent basis. They're very understanding when people can't come because no one could realistically make all of them. Generally, I do get to a lot of the events, so it's not like I'm a chronic absentee.

This event just hits on the worst weekend possible. I truly do not have a few hours to spare this weekend given all the work I have to do. Since I had to give her an answer last night (before I saw your response, Boots), I told her that I'm swamped with work but that I'd try to get there if I could (it's also a 35 minute drive from where I live). She understood and said it was fine either way.

If they were a family that would respond the way you mentioned, Boots, I would definitely go, though. No one wants to have something like that held over their head for years.

-- Edited by kenzie on Thursday 6th of May 2010 10:27:40 AM

-- Edited by kenzie on Thursday 6th of May 2010 10:28:44 AM

Kelly · Hermes

It sounds like the family won't be angry about it, so I say don't go (maybe send a gift with someone else?) and at the next party, mention how much you hated to miss it.

-- Edited by Kelly on Thursday 6th of May 2010 10:34:10 AM

Boots · Gucci

Sounds like you are marrying into a great family. Good luck with your projects!

kenzie · Chanel

Kelly, that's a good idea about sending a gift with someone else. Just not sure who I'd send it with since I won't see anyone between now and then.

Boots, I am. They are pretty great. I think I lucked out in the in-law department. I hear so many horror stories about awful MILs or weird BILs or SILs, but they are all really great. His mom totally rules. (And thanks for the good luck wish! I think I need it. And loads of caffeine.)

Aurora · Marc Jacobs

Maybe see if you can meet her for lunch in a few weeks when things calm down and give her a shower gift then. Remember the shower gift doesn't have to be that big since you'll be attending the wedding (and giving another gift then) as well.

Suasoria · Chanel

I would have said go for an hour too (you need to eat, right? <--- that's the Italian family influence). If it's two hours out of your weekend including travel time, I think it's well worth it. You might need the study break. Also since you're taking the wedding pictures it might be helpful to meet more of her friends and family ahead of time.

I don't know. I'm an hour away from most of my aunts and cousins on a day with zero traffic - which means 1.5 hours most of the time - and this is the kind of once-in-a-lifetime family event I usually wouldn't miss no matter what hassle it was. However if things are as you say, there won't be fallout if you don't show up. I would definitely call the bride after to see how it was and squeeze out a few stressful tears because you missed it.

-- Edited by Suasoria on Tuesday 11th of May 2010 09:08:36 PM