STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

((hugs)) i'm sorry.

i'm sorry. 

esquiress wrote:

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oh gypsyfreak, i am so so sorry.  we should start a freaking support group for every girl in law school who has had to deal with a break up during law school--i know of at least ten off the top of my head, including myself.  anyway, i know that doesn't make it hurt any less right now but please know you are not alone.  we are here for you so vent whenever you need to, ok?  ((((((hugs)))))

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Add my name to the support group, esquiress!

gypsyfreak - my boyfriend and I were together for almost 5 years when we broke up over spring break of my 2nd year in law school. Technically I did the breaking up but it was one of those situations where I was just the first one to actually say it. I'm so sorry for you. I understand what you're going through, 100%. (That same boyfriend went out with a new girl the very night we broke up! Someone completely new who he just randomly asked out - at least that's what I think. wtf? All my stuff was still at his apt.) Boys. They suck ass don't they? 

I know it's hard but just focus on school to try and keep you distracted. (And honestly? I can't believe I just said that regarding law school. I must be delusional. ) I can't believe he did that via telephone. It's just wrong. Maybe it shows what kind of person he really is that he is avoiding confrontation like that? You're a bright, intelligent, wonderful woman and if he can't see that then it's his loss. You'll find someone amazing who will knock your socks off and completely appreciate you. Just wait and see. Until then we're here for you so bitch and moan all you please.

I couldn't sleep last night because I've been contemplating over what happened.

I've realized that I am most upset over the way he handled our break-up.

#1- He's told me this over the phone. I have spent 3.5 years with this person and we've made future plans together. If he had any problems with our relationship, he's never voiced them before until yesterday. I thought I at least deserved a face-to-face break-up. Doing this over the phone seems a little impersonal and callous IMO.

#2- This was the first time I had heard about any of his concerns. I've realized I've been busy over the last two months because of exams and deadlines, but he was always so understanding about it before. He knew beforehand that it would be like this, I've even warned him. He's always known that school is a priority for me and that this is something I really want. If he's had a problem with any of it, he's never told me before. In a way, I feel like he's forcing me to choose between him or school, and I don't really want it to come to that.

#3- I kept pressing him to give me one good reason why he's calling it off. He basically said that he "no longer feels for me the way he used to". Those were his exact words. I really don't understand what he means by that, and he really would not give me any explanation. He also says there MAY be someone else that he's interested in. He's refused to say anything beyond that either. I don't know if he's already started seeing this person behind my back. I DO know that he's been unavailable lately. 

#4- To me, it just feels like he gave up on the relationship before giving it another chance. He never told me about any of this before so that we could work on it together. He also says that even if we do work on it, it wouldn't change his feelings for me one way or another. In a way, I feel like those 3.5 years meant nothing to him and it was a waste of time for me.  

My sister, who is also a law school grad, says that it is not uncommon for break-ups to take place during law school. She's witnessed this many times beforehand. It's usually because the guy's ego can't take it that he's no longer a priority and no longer the center of the universe.   

She also thinks that there's a possibility that he's been discussing these problems with the person he's interested in, and that person is encouraging him to call it off with me.

I feel sad and depressed right now. But I think I'll be okay. I just feel that there was no closure to this relationship and think I at least deserve an explanation beyond "I just don't feel the same way anymore." Would it be wrong for me to go see him and talk to himabout it in person? Or should I just let it go and move on? I really don't know what to do.

I would just like to say that I you STers. It's just nice to know that I can receive some warm support and understanding in a difficult situation.

So sorry for the long diatribe. I hope I haven't bitched or moan too much.

esquiress wrote:

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Ok, well, imo there's no real "right" and "wrong" when it comes to relationships, you just have to always do what's best for you.  Personally, I probably wouldn't go over there or try to hash it out w/ him again because I just don't see what good could come of it.  If he wants to break up, he wants to break up, no matter what explanation he gives, that bottom line kinda remains the same, no?  As for closure, it comes from within and with time--no one else can give it to you. and just because a relationship ends doesn't mean it wasn't worth anything--it doesn't have to be forever for it to matter. Stay strong, gypsyfreak, you'll get through this, just have faith ok?

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You're right that I shouldn't not try to hash it out with him. I realize it's over and have accepted it. I'm not trying to change his mind, I did that already and it didn't work. Besides, I definitely do not want to force him to do something he doesn't want to do. I just feel that he hasn't been completely honest with me, that he's holding something back. I think I at least derserve to hear the whole truth in person, however bad it may be. I just wanted him to tell me this face-to-face. I think that is the closure I need. Maybe I'm being irrational, but I just feel like he hasn't been completely fair  by telling me all of this over the telephone.