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Alegria


Kate Spade

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Thoughts Please
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Here is the situation (a bit long winded, bear with me)...


My son's best friend's family (for 8 years) has always invited us to their 4th of July block party.  Last year was the first year we went. The boys have always been very close.  My son spends tons of time at their house (although less lately) because his mom helps me out with rides to practices, from school, etc.  This past year they have become close with another boy that they have gone to school with since kindergarten also. This other kid used to be kind of loner but has recently been hanging out with them a lot.  Now the families/parents of these two boys have become very close also.  They go camping together, out on dates together, etc. They are much closer in age (they are 20+ years my senior).  Ok, no biggie, or so I thought.  This year we never got an invitation from this family to go.  Now, they are not obligated in anyway to invite us but I'm a bit bothered because of the following:


1. Another friend of ours, from that block asked us to go, when she asked the best friends mom if she had invited us the mom said "no I haven't seen them lately" (TOTAL LIE). 


2. The mom invited the new friend and his family.


3. The mom invited a baseball team family (our kids all play ball together).


So, my family went and hung out with the family that had invited us.  I purposely avoided going over and hanging out with the mom because I was a bit annoyed.  Not once did she say anything.  I guess I kind of expected a "Hey are you guys coming?" or "Did T talk to you about the block pary?" but instead I got nothing.  Now, we did talk and stuff at the block party because she came over to where we were sitting and when I saw her at the food table and stuff.  Neither one of us is acting like anything is wrong.  So, that confuses me even more.  Am I being jealous?  I'm I making a big deal out of nothing?  The boys totally hung out and had a great time.  It's not that the boys aren't friends anymore. I don't know what it is.  I'm just way confused.  My other friend has theories such as she does it so her son (who has kind of a harsh personality) doesn't have to compete for friends, so he can have more attention from the kids who are there.  I don't know what it is. I thought it might be that this mom and my other friend kind of bumb heads a lot and perhaps my relationship with her bugs her.  Thoughts?????



-- Edited by shpgqueenet at 02:33, 2005-07-06

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laken1


Hermes

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I guess I want to be straight on one thing - did they not invite your son either, or just not you? Was it perhaps an oversight? Or they assumed you would come / knew you were invited since you are always invited they consider that it is implied? I know some people have different feelings on "invites" as in they don't formally invite anyone, or close people, etc because it is implied? Does that makes sense?

When she says "no, we haven't seen them lately" do you think she means socially as opposed to literally haven't "seen" you?

Just trying to get it all straight before I jump to comment....

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Alegria


Kate Spade

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No, they didn't invite us as a family or my son on his own.  The invitation can't just be implied because $ has to be collected for the bouncer and fireworks.  Last year we turned in our share to her.  Her not having seen me was not true.  She had called me a few days before to thank me for a box of chocolate I had bought her.  I saw her at the boys baseball practice and games prior to the 4th.  We all sit together and eat/talk with each other while the kids play. 

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blubirde


Chanel

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I think it's weird and rude. I'm not up on these kind of relationship dynamics but if someone didn't invite me to a party they'd invited me to every year prior, I'd be pissed. I'd probably ask if I'd done something to offend or what. Just because I'd want the other person to know I knew. But that's just me. You could just be the bigger person and let it go, but if you'll be spending a lot of time around the family over the next few years, I'd sit down and talk with her about it, just to clear the air, if it needs to be cleared.


Good luck!



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RyanJ


Coach

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I think that whole thing seems pretty shady too. Just to not invite you after all these years of being invited espeically when there has not been a fall out.

If it was me I would probably confrong her about it ( I like confrontation and making people squirm...I hope that doesn't make me sick). You could call her and make is seem like you thought your sons had an argument and that is why you were not invited- I haven't really worked out the details out on that one. Or you could just call and say you wanted to make sure that everything was alright between the two of you. Or you could let the whole thing go. I am not the kind of person who can easily let things go. It just ends up building up inside of me and I get kind of catty and sarcastic w/ the person.

I realize I have been absolutley no help in this situation.

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ILoveChoo


Hermes

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that sounds really strange...I would straight up ask her if something is bothering her or if you did something.


My Mom had this totally passive agressive friend a few years ago- they did EVERYTHING together and our families constantly hung out. Then out of the blue she just stopped calling Mom (they usually talked on the hpone every morning) and was busy whenever Mom called her. After a while, Mom was like what the hell? Turns out her friend was mad over something totally stupid (and not even between them, but about a fight between my sister and her daughter who were like 5) and was waiting for my Mom to apologize. Well, my Mom never even knew there was a problem casue she didn't say anything and acted totally normal when we happened to run into them.


It was completely bizarre, but maybe something like that is going on? Either you did something unknowingly, or your son said something that bothered her...who knows?



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Alegria


Kate Spade

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I am for the most part totally non-confrontional with people I know, (strangers on the other hand... )How would I begin such a conversation without seeming petty or offending her?  Also without me getting overly emotional?

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bumblebee


Coach

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Well, you could focus on the kids, since that will make the confrontation less direct, and they are the reason that you are friends in the first place. 


Maybe you could start off by saying something like "I know that Johnny really likes your son and we've had so much fun getting to know you and your husband over the years.  I wasn't sure that you wanted us to be at the block party so I'm wondering if there's something going on with the boys that maybe I don't know about?  Do you know if they aren't getting along lately?"--just something that puts you both on the same side, as concerned mothers of boys who are good friends. 



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nunzi182


Kate Spade

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Is it possible that you were not invited because she had invited you for eight years and you only went once? I'm not pointing fingers, I'm just offering this as a possibility.

Maybe the other two women had already discussed your invited and decided that it would be silly for both of them to invite you so they agreed that only one of them would invite you.

You never know what's going on inside her head, so you're probably just better off asking her in a non-confrontational way if things are okay.

Let us know what happens. Good luck!

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