STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

 

yes, definitely.  i feel like a "single" girl because my bf is travelling all the time for work (he's gone right now, surprise, surprise), and so when i want to hang out with my gfs during the week, we go to where their bf is DJing, or go out with their bf and his friends, it's so annoying since i feel almost single again.  what happened to those "sex and the city" nights, as my gfs from the east coast i used to call it.  where you would get together your girls, no guys, and gush about guys, get hit on by guys cuz you a group of attractive girls....ughhh. 

i guess that was a bit of a vent, but i totally understand. 

i know what you mean.  when i was married (currently going through a divorce) my husband and i were always ok with hanging out with our friends separate from one another but some people thought that was weird and some of my girlfriends only wanted to hang out as couples. 

now that im single, i feel like i need more single friends.  my problem is how do you make new girlfriends as an adult?  i feel like the friends i have i have known for years.  i work in a really small office so its not like i can meet new girlfriends at work.  (sorry thats a little off topic)

one of my friends does this and it annoys the crap out of me.  it doesn't matter what i invite her to do, she always brings him, often without saying he's coming.  i like him a lot and he's great for her, but come on.  even more annoying, the only times she specifically asks to have a "girls night" are when he's unavailable, like working or out of town.  they're moving to another city next month so i won't see much of her anymore as it is.

however, my other friends who are in couples don't do this, so i've been lucky in that regard.  and when they do bring boyfriends, they're not making out or calling each other schmoopie (and i make a point to not always bring my BF everywhere either). 

ahhh, I agree with all of these posts.  I know these girls all too well.  I'm with AJ- I would hang out with other people without my bf, even if I can bring him, just so that I can have other things to do.  I don't want to be the needy type, and my bf and I are fine with not hanging out all the time- at the most we'll see each other 4 or 5 times a week, at the most.  Every once in a while we'll spend a few days in a row together but I always need a break afterwards, it is just hard for me to spend too much time with one person.  But then, I would consider myself as more of an individual then some of my friends who just want to be part of a couple.  I just think I've never been in that type of a relationship because I'm not attracted to the type of boy that would want that- I like the guys with lots of interests and lots of friends- it is more interesting to me.  I'm not sure what would happen if I dated a guy that only wanted to stay in all the time- if I would change my ways, or if I just would have to run away screaming.  It's hard to say, everyone's different.  sorry, that was a ramble. 

i have had this experience and have been single long enough to actually see the pendulum swing away from it. 

now that most of my friends are married/long-term coupled but don't have kids yet, they seem to actually be more inclined to plan "girls nights" and one-on-one friend time than they were when we were younger and their relationships were less permanent/long-standing.  i think eventually people realize that doing everything with the "couple friends" gets boring, too, and they go back to their deeper relationships with their old friends rather than always including the spouses/b-f's. 

not that there isn't something to be said for hanging out with other couples, because i have certainly had some great times hanging out with my friends and the SO's, but i think there needs to be a balance.  it sounds like you are feeling like it is out of balance right now.  do you think that maybe your friends might actually be (erroneously) assuming that you want to bring along your b-f? maybe if you said something the next time one of them invites hers along, like "i would love to just catch up with you this time because i haven't seen you in a while" or whatever, maybe that's all that would be needed. 

I guess I should have also mentioned that my friends hardly ever go out, either.  We rarely have a night when everyone goes out.  Most of the time, they just hole themselves away with their SO's and call it a weekend. 

I get so irritated b/c I want to go out, but I don't want to go out with my bf and his friends b/c that's not fun.  But I can't go out with my friends b/c they are having 'couple weekend' every freaking weekend!!  And another thing that presents problems is that we have two different groups of friends, my friends (the old fuddie duddies) and his friends (the overgrown frat boys).  I'm so frustrated!!

And Mandy, I agree that it is hard to make friends as an adult.  It's not like we all live on a college campus anymore.

Chic, I wish I lived in Atlanta! We could totally hang out!

Andrea Julia wrote:

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NylaBelle wrote: And another thing that presents problems is that we have two different groups of friends, my friends (the old fuddie duddies) and his friends (the overgrown frat boys).  This presents problems for me all the time too!  Whenever I start dating a new guy, there is inevitably that night where he invites me to come out with him and the guys and "bring some of your friends" and I have no friends who will actually go. 

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i actually have this problem myself, so i guess i was incorrect in saying my friends had outgrown that behavior totally.  i NEVER have a group of girlfriends who would go meet up with some group of single guys.  is that just a male phenomenon, or is there something lacking with our girlfriends?

atlgirl wrote:

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Nylabelle, I'm in the ATL too - I'd join you for a girls' night. *s* How old are you and your friends, if you don't mind my asking? When I was in my early to mid-twenties, this used to be a major problem with some friends. But now I'm in my thirties, and it's really not an issue. We have several couples that we all do things together with, and it's great fun - but the girls and I, and the guys and my husband, do things on their own, as well as with other people. I think it might be a more youth-oriented issue (and I don't mean that unkindly).

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I'm 25 and most of my friends are in the 25-28 age range.  I think I might be the youngest one and I'll be 26 in August.   I think I agree with you that this is a youth-oriented issue (no offense taken).  It seems like many people, my friends included are making that transition from college/single life to the working world and coupled life and we're just not all in sync.  Good to know that there's hope, though.

Aw, that would be fun to get together with you and Chic! We've tried for Philly get togethers but it never really pans out.

you are definitely not the only one, this used to bug me, and I am sure I did it too when I was younger. 

and on the other end of the spectrum, I have been married for 6 years and my husband and I are tired of our single friends who feel like they have to introduce every new girlfriend/boyfriend at casual get togethers.  They complain about feeling like everyone else is coupled up, but they need to relax because we have all been friends for years and unless the relationship is actually a serious one, they don't need to drag the new person to a simple 5 or 6 person barbeque, you know?  I know this sounds mean, but after 6 years and seeing friends less and less because of busy lives, the last thing I want is to have my time with an old friend interrupted by some poor new guy who my friend may or may not be with next month.