STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

dc · Dooney & Bourke

for you girls that are online dating...

Andrea Julia · Coach

I think you should ignore the note. If you are not interested, you should not waste your time writing back or get his hopes unnecessarily up by responding. Even if you write a note saying he is not your type or you are not interested, it can start an unwanted conversation. He could write back prodding you for more information on why you are not interested and/or start challenging your reasons. I had this happen once when I joined Yahoo for a day and a guy who had kids (which I specifically said I didn't want) sent me a message asking me what my problem with kids is and have I ever tried to date someone with kids. It was so annoying. I shouldn't have partaken in that conversation. On Eharmony, you can "close" matches so that they can never communicate with you again. You are given a choice of kind of bs reasons to give the guy such as "the physical distance between us is too great" or "I am pursuing another relationship." The greatest part is he cannot respond with a rebuttal.

I understand that you are probably not interested in this guy for other reasons, but I don't think the form letter thing is so bad. It is hard to find something clever to say to someone you've never met. Also, he may not even get a response to every note he sends out so it is just quicker and less painless to send a similar letter to everyone. Wow, did I say that? That is so lame and unromantic, I know. People should be willing to put themselves out there when trying to find a match, but I guess you really can't send an individualized letter to everyone that sounds interesting. Hopefully, if someone were to respond to his note, he would write a more individualized and interesting note back.

I actually stopped the online dating thing. I went on one date and it sucked and I lost interest, which is SO stupid of me.

Good luck! I hope you meet someone wonderful!

Becca · Kate Spade

I never respond to someone that doesn't interest me. Maybe it's rude, but if you try to be nice and say that you're not interested you may get the guy that continues to email you wanting to know why and will make you feel bad, which to me is not worth being polite. Also, he sent you an email he sends EVERYONE, way to make you feel special. How hard is it to look at someone's profile and find some things that both are interested in and write a message about that. I think if he truly wants to get to know someone than he should do that, not send out some email every girl he thinks is hot to. I never respond to those emails, who knows how many hundreds of girls he's emailing that to! Good luck with everything!

gingembre1 · Kate Spade

I ignore them! You're under no obligation to write back to them. Especially since a lot of these guys are basically casting as wide a net as they can, hoping to catch one or two. So don't feel bad about ignoring them. It's nicer than the girls who give out fake numbers at bars, anyway.

blubirde · Chanel

Yeah, I agree with the other girls. There's no need to reply if you're not interested, especially if it's a form letter. If someone doesn't send me a note that mentions something specific to me (something in my profile perhaps) then I don't bother responding because I just assume they sent the same thing to any number of other girls. Plus I have a guy friend who did match on my encouragement and he sends out blanket notes to all girls he thinks are cute and waits to see who will respond. I told him not to do it but oh well, that's another topic, isn't it? Anyway it doesn't hurt his feelings if no one responds. No need to start something, right?

Good luck! Hopefully you'll find a fun adventure for the summer.

"Summer lovin'..."

jah · Dooney & Bourke

Ignore him and don't feel badly about it. You will start to get sooooo many responses that you just don't have time to respond to everyone's e-mails even if you did want to be nice and "let them down easily".

I did the online thing last spring. Haven't been back, but it was fun for a short time and was a definite confidence booster after a nasty break up. I also met a dear friend that I didn't click with romantically, but that I hang out with a couple of times a month (this is the guy I am convinced is blubirde's love match...but she'll have to move to ATL for that to happen!!).

blubirde · Chanel

jah wrote:

Ignore him and don't feel badly about it. You will start to get sooooo many responses that you just don't have time to respond to everyone's e-mails even if you did want to be nice and "let them down easily".
I did the online thing last spring. Haven't been back, but it was fun for a short time and was a definite confidence booster after a nasty break up. I also met a dear friend that I didn't click with romantically, but that I hang out with a couple of times a month (this is the guy I am convinced is blubirde's love match...but she'll have to move to ATL for that to happen!!).

Ah! Jah, why do you tease me so?

miss t · Dooney & Bourke

During my adventures in online dating, I would ignore the guys that didn't interested me and blocked them from sending me anymore messages (hoping your website will allow you to do that). That worked really well for me, also list your absolute dislikes on your profile. That keeps the trolls away. HTH

kisa · Dooney & Bourke

If the note was rude, or condescending, or a spam letter thing, or any other variety of slightly offensive things then I would ignore it. But if it looked like a sincere email and was nice, I would probably send back a note that said I wasn't interested.

crystal · Kate Spade

on match.com u can "say no thanks" to emails from guys u aren't interested in & i always do that. they give u a drop down list w/ stuff like "i'm seeing someone else" & "we are just not a good match" & there are check boxes w/ reasons u aren't a good match (age, ugly - hehe, j/k, personality, etc.). when i get emails from guys that are older than my specifications i check the age box, but usually i don't check anything. the reason i always reply tho is that i don't want them to think i missed the email or deleted it by accident & send me another. plus that way they will know for sure & i've only had a few respond after that, one actually said thanks for being honest!! anyways, just wanted to share this anecdote on form letters:

so this one guy emails me w/ an OBVIOUS form letter. i respond w/ my typical "no thanks" & i guess that triggered some automatic response thing cuz after receiving my "no thanks" email he sent another form letter type email which included a picture (something he had promised to send if i wrote back). at that point i could no longer respond back cuz u can only say "no thanks" once & i'm not a subscriber so i couldn't send a personal response. it cracked me up tho... oh & the guy looked really dorky in his pic!!