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bex


Chanel

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i don't know where to put this...
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so i am guessing here is the best place....


my dad's health is detioriating.  in 2000, he had his first heart attack and has had 2 since then.  he was diagnosed with diabetes in 2001 and while he heeded drs. warnings about his eating habits for a few months after each heart attack, he would slip back into his own ways after a while.  after he was told he had diabetes, his spirit just sorta broke because my grandfather (his dad) had a massive heart attack right after he was diagnosed with diabetes and so i think my father has thought that he is going to die at anytime now that he has diabetes.


recently it has gotten worse and it is so hard for me to be strong on the phone with him when i talk to him.  i try so hard to be strong but it is hard and i start to lose it after i talk to him each time.  he has told me he doesn't want me preaching to him about eating habits or exercising anymore- plus the diabetes has starting attacking his feet and he is having issue walking.


i just feel like i don't really have anyone to share this with... so i am putting it out there to you guys.  thanks for reading...



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esquiress


Marc Jacobs

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oh my gosh, bex i am so sorry!  how absolutely awful, and your poor dad, to have gone through the same thing w/ his dad, this truly just breaks my heart.  i will say a prayer for you both.  stay strong and know that we are here whenever you need to vent.

-- Edited by esquiress at 22:39, 2005-06-16

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ejc423


Coach

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Esquiress is right, you can vent to us anytime!  I will be praying for y'all too.

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shopgirl82


Chanel

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bex, you have a pm.



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"i tell you one lesson I learned If you want to be something in life, You ain't gonna get it unless, You give a little bit of sacrifice, Oohh, sometimes before you smile you got to cry.." -The Roots
atlgirl


Gucci

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Oh, I'm so sorry bex! I can't imagine how hard that must be. My dad went through two types of cancer and I was freaking - my heart goes out to you.

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Cricket


Gucci

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Bex- I'm so sorry to hear this. My SO's dad is in a very similar situation (diabetes, heart. He's obese.). I know from watching my SO's family deal w/ him how hard it can be when you watch someone you love give up. Nothing anyone says can get him to permantly change his eating habits. It's been this way for years.

Please let it all out here when you feel the need. I hope we can be help you feel a little better.

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Karina


Chanel

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i am so sorry to hear about your dad! big hugs hon. 

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ILoveChoo


Hermes

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oh, i am so sorry. that must be so hard for you. (((big hugs))) you know we're always here for you when you need to talk or vent.

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bex


Chanel

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thanks for your thoughts and prayers... they are really really appreciated... 


i think i am going to go up to visit on saturday and stay over for father's day and help them with some household chores, etc.  my parents live on a small 20 acre farm and that is what upsets my dad the most is that he can't get out to mow the pasture, the lawn, etc.  my dad is meticulious (sp?) with the looks of his property and it kills him to not be able to take care of it.  can you guys imagine me mowing a pasture?  lol!  most of my friends lose it when they find out i grew up on a farm!


i stopped harping on him to exercise and eat right... but perhaps we can try again.  its just so hard to see him give up.  he's not on insulin- yet.  but i can see it heading down that path... my mother is afraid that at some point he'll be on dialysis but we can only pray that that won't happen...


my father loves his sweets and red meat... god bless him!  he loves seafood but doesn't have a place that is good enough to purchase fresh (that is the way he likes it) so i may get some tonight at North Market to take home to him to have for the week... that way he can eat lean meat and some veggies...


anyway- i'm rambling with thoughts... thanks again... it means so much to me that you all are taking the time to listen and think of me.



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scarlett


Marc Jacobs

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bex, i am so sorry!  that sounds so hard and you are only doing what any loving daughter would do.  i can imagine how hard it would be to watch him giving up like that.  when you see him this weekend, it may really lift his spirits to have his little girl home again.  my thoughts are with you and your family.  *hugs*

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Mandy


Kate Spade

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oh my gosh, im so sorry.  i wish there were more we could do for you.  i'll be thinking of you. 

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Ritz


Dooney & Bourke

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i'm so sorry bex... i am sure he will appreciate you coming for the weekend so much though, that is so sweet of you.

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blubirde


Chanel

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wow, bex, i'm so sorry you have to go through this. you're so sweet to try to do so much for him.


my dad smokes (he's 61 and he's been smoking his whole adult life). last xmas i decided to confront him on it, hoping he would understand that the people that care about him don't want to see him get cancer and die (if it's not too late already). what a mistake. it was one of the worst fights i've ever had with him and somehow he turned it around to me being selfish and not wanting to take care of him when he got old and sick. don't ask. it was horrible. i try not to think about it but i know if something happens that could have been prevented i'm going to be so mad at him! (or worse, if my mom gets sick from secondhand smoke.) it scares me and i can't think about it often because i'll get really upset. but here's the thing - it's not my life to live and i can't control him, as much as i want to!!! he always tells me he'd rather live a shorter and happier life than a longer and miserable one. i guess that's a valid point, but i'm selfish - he's right - i want him here with me, regardless. 


the thing is, i love my dad and the only thing i can control is my actions towards him. so i love him and i try to enjoy every minute i have with him because i never know when that will end. for all i know, he could get hit by a bus tomorrow! (knock on wood but you know what i mean) i can't lecture him and make our time together as bad as it was over xmas. i just have to love him and hope for the best. i guess if you think about it, it's the most anyone can ask for at all, huh?


i understand your pain, bex. i hope you and your dad get to enjoy each other for many, many more years to come. it's the best thing anyone can wish for anyone else.



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splash


Kenneth Cole

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I'm so sorry!

What about rather than telling him not to do things, find articles that explain why he should eat a certain way. There are probably articles about sweet-tasting foods that are much better for him. Or look for inspiring articles about people with similar health problems that found ways to work with them.

My great uncle lives on a ranch and because of arthritis can't take care of it. He also loves to garden, so he had some table-height garden beds made so that he wouldn't have to bend over to take care of them. I don't know if there is something like that that your father would enjoy.

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sweater girl


BCBG

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I sympathize with your situation...i recently lost my father after a long illness (Cancer).  As difficult as it is for us family members to cope with serious illness of a loved one...can you imagine what it is like for the patient to be forced to confront their own mortality? It is not unusual for someone in your father's position to lose hope.  You can't force him to take better care of himself...you can encourage him to eat better, by bringing him good tasting healthy foods, lavish praise on him when he exercises, etc...but nagging is just not productive...you should focus on enjoying your visits together.  Try to encourage him as best you can...if his attitude continues to worsen...talk to his doctor...an anti-depressent may be of some help to him.  Don't forget to take care of yourself as well...



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