STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

CarrieS · Marc Jacobs

Anyone have experience (hopefully good!) with match.com?

Andrea Julia · Coach

Good luck! I hope you find a great guy.

I totally feel you on the picture thing. Don't people KNOW if they are posting a personal ad in this day and age, they should have a picture? I mean, wouldn't they WANT you to know what they look like beforehand? So they don't waste their own time if they are not your type? So they don't go through the embarrassment of showing up for the date and you thinking they are disgusting?

I think you should write back to this guy if you think you have a lot in common. Maybe he does have a picture but didn't feel comfortable posting it on a public website and once you connect, he will send it. I don't think I would meet him until I saw a picture though. Not only can you tell if someone is attractive from a picture, but you can also tell if someone looks older than they are saying, younger than they are saying, or even if they look scary or psychotic, or in some way make you feel nervous, in some way.

I have met 2 guys from online. One was about 3 years ago. He was very nice and cute and we dated, but I broke things off because I lost interest. I think he was just too shy and passive for me and I was still in school and a sorority girl. He just didn't fit into my life at the time. Every once in a while I think of getting back in touch, but I am afraid I would hurt him again.

The 2nd guy was about 6 years ago when I was 19. We planned to meet at the local Starbucks. This was really before everyone had photos online so neither of us had one. He seemed cool so we planned to meet anyway. The night before we met, he asked what I would be wearing so he would know me when he saw me. I didn't want him to know who I was unless I was attracted to him so I just told him I didn't know what I would be wearing yet. I said we should just hold our cell phones up. So..I walked into the Starbucks (and left my phone in my bag) and saw him. He looked MUCH older than he said and he was really fat. I just went up to the counter, ordered coffee, and left. I figured if I DID like him, I would take the cell phone out of my purse. (yeah, I'm a horrible person).

-- Edited by Andrea Julia at 21:27, 2005-06-07

CarrieS · Marc Jacobs

Okay, here's his profile, if this helps anyone..

Match.com boy profile

sephorablue · Marc Jacobs

i met my bf online... not match, a different site, but same idea. I think it depends on your comfort level... to be honest I was a little wishy washy about whether I was really comfortable with it or not and happened to have the extraordinary good luck of finding my BF after only a few so-so dates. I really like it in theory--it gives you access to such a huge number of people, and you get a sense (albeit, a very carefully edited and controlled sense) of their personality before you even communicate with them. But the downside of it is that something about the medium, the internet, seems to offer something special to people who have an agenda. I'm not talking about dangerous people, because they exist everywhere, I'm more talking about people who like the idea of altering their persona or concocting a new one. They can be older than they say they are, less educated than they say they are, whatever, or just plain not be single--I guess they're attracted to the ability to deliberately build this phony shield the way they wouldn't do if out at a bar with friends.

So basically, I'm not much help. There's no reason not to try it... nearly everyone I know has met a SO online by now... but you definitely need to get a picture from the guy!!! You're not superficial to want to confirm that the person you're meeting is not someone you find physically unattractive.

lilmissdiva · Kenneth Cole

Good luck with Match.com.

Four years ago I was really sick of dating and sick of all of the BS that comes from going to the bars,etc. to meet people. A girlfriend of mine had just gone on match.com and was really happy dating this one guy (that she later dated for 2 years). After seeing that it worked for her, I decided to check it out.
Four great years later my boyfriend and I are still going strong. We're currently renovating a house and talking about marriage.

I think it has its ups and downs. I decided that if I saw any guys that I thought had potential in being good matches then I would email them. Its also very flattering when you get mail from some hot guy who is interested in talking to you. I thought about it and tried to take a very proactive approach. I would get responses but nothing that really caught my eye. After a couple of days of searching various profiles I came across this one that really got my attention. One thing led to another and our first conversation on the phone lasted 4 hours long!!!

Its amazing how much we have in common yet how different we are.
I don't know how I would have met someone as wonderful as he is for me any other way.

Take a chance, what have you got to lose?
Just make sure that you meet for coffee,etc. in a public place and give out as little information about yourself (where you live,etc.) until you are comfortable around them. Before I met my boyfriend I had a date with a real "psycho". I saw the red flags and warning signs early and avoided a real mess.
There are some crazies out there but there are also nice people who are busy professionals working their jobs who just want to meet nice people.

Good luck and keep us posted!!

blubirde · Chanel

I've done match.com before. I did it about a year ago when I was sick of meeting men in bars. My friend encouraged me so there it was. It was fun. I went out a lot and met a few good guy friends. No one really rocked my boat, but that's kind of the way it is for me no matter what. I encouraged another friend to do it (she just moved to LA a few months back) and she's already found a great guy and they're officially "together" now.

I think it's a great way to meet people because you obviously know if someone is interested or not. There's some uncertainity when it comes to chemistry, looks, whether they're being completely honest, etc. But to be fair, that comes with meeting someone in a bar too. You never really know how it's going to work out when you meet in daylight or over dinner or whatever until it actually happens.

Be wary and be safe and go for it! Don't give out your # unless you trust the guy (same for email in my opinion) and meet somewhere the first few times you go out. I always seriously googled someone before we went out. I do investigative work for a living so these boys didn't know what they were getting into when they gave me even the smallest bit of information. By the time we went out I knew their addresses, their drivers license #s, their socials, whether they'd committed any crimes, everything. But I'd venture to say most people don't have those kind of services at their disposal! Good luck and keep us updated!

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

i don't have personal experience with match, but a good friend of mine met her fiance that way and they're getting married in the fall. judging from his profile he sounds like a nice, sweet guy -- he just needs to send you a picture! it's not shallow at all to want to see it. you need to have an idea of whether or not you'd find him attractive. good luck!

CarrieS · Marc Jacobs

Okay, I know that with Match, you actually have to subscribe to send an email to somebody. I was hoping to get around that by pasting his email address into my regular email program, but alas, it didn't work. I was hoping that the subscribing thing would only apply if you actually went to match.com and sent the email from the website.

Now I have to decide whether it's worth it or not for me to subscribe to the website. Part of me kind of just signed up (for free) to just play around, out of curiousity. The other part was because I am soooooo sick of meeting guys that are just trying to get down my pants.

To subscribe or not to subscribe...

-- Edited by CarrieS at 15:46, 2005-06-08

laken1 · Hermes

I am married, but i must admit this intrigues me. I used to live in a city where I knew EVERYONE single - not really hard, it was very clickish - but now that I live in a bigger city i can see why you would want to do this. It's just so hard to meet someone. I am having a hard time meeting girls to be friends with, I can't imagine trying to meet a quality guy!

I read his profile & here are my reactions - Damn he's tall!!! I dated someone that tall & it was really fun. I could wear any size heels with no worries of being same height or taller than him, I could always find him in a crowd, and he could intimidate yucky people hitting on my just by standing by me.

I don't like: Fleas - that is too funny!

I wish I could give you better advice, but I just have to say to be careful & safe. I agree that you need to see a picture - otherwise it's just a waste of your time & his & that is not shallow at all. No one wants to date someone they think is fugly!!! Then you have to REALLY hurt his feelings & be uncomfortable after the fact - YUCK - just the thought of that gives me hives.

Good luck & let us know what happens.

CarrieS · Marc Jacobs

laken1 wrote:

I read his profile & here are my reactions - Damn he's tall!!! I dated someone that tall & it was really fun. I could wear any size heels with no worries of being same height or taller than him, I could always find him in a crowd, and he could intimidate yucky people hitting on my just by standing by me.

Haha That was one of my first thoughts too, especially since I'm only 5'4".

gingembre1 · Kate Spade

I've had a good amount of experience with Match...Dated two guys pretty seriously from it...personally, I think it's better than bars, b/c you can talk to and get to know the person better. I've never had anyone lie about themselves, so I don't think that's as big a problem as one might think. Every person I know has tried Match, and I'd say 95% have gone on at least one date. One of my friends is getting married to the guy she met online July 3rd. It's becoming the new way to meet people...I just wish people would more openly admit to doing it! So many people are embarrassed...at first I was too, but then I decided it needed to be brought out into the open!
I'm one of those people who tends to jump into relationships quickyl, and Match has been really good for me b/c I can line up several dates with different guys, and it keeps me from getting too serious about one. I would recommend Match to everyone. Just use your common sense and you'll be fine! You know, I never even look at profile's without pictures. I don't care if people say that's shallow...physical attraction is very important, no matter what people say. And yay for tall guys! I'm going on a date with a guy who's 6'3" tomorrow!
Oh, one more thing....some of these guys are looking for an insta-relationship. Some are looking for booty calls. The same can be said of the women. I think that's true of people in bars, too, but I think that something about the online method of meeting throws that into hyper-relief.

Andrea Julia · Coach

CarrieS wrote:

Okay, I know that with Match, you actually have to subscribe to send an email to somebody. I was hoping to get around that by pasting his email address into my regular email program, but alas, it didn't work. I was hoping that the subscribing thing would only apply if you actually went to match.com and sent the email from the website. Now I have to decide whether it's worth it or not for me to subscribe to the website. Part of me kind of just signed up (for free) to just play around, out of curiousity. The other part was because I am soooooo sick of meeting guys that are just trying to get down my pants. To subscribe or not to subscribe...-- Edited by CarrieS at 15:46, 2005-06-08

I feel your pain! I have gone through the same dilemma as this over and over! I always chicken out at the part where I have to pay to communicate with the guys. I guess it makes it seem too real. I am considering joining eharmony and I am EXACTLY at the point you are at right now. We should really both join and share our experiences.

lsubatgirl · Gucci

I just read his profile too and I say join and email him. How much is it a month? Maybe join for a month and see how it goes with him and anyone else on there that sparks your interest. You can quit at any time.