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Post Info TOPIC: *Update* Ex-Boyfriend/Work Situation
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Hermes

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*Update* Ex-Boyfriend/Work Situation
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Wish me luck girls - tonight's the going away party that my ex, Ryan, will be at.  He emailed me once since this post and had the balls to ask me if he should stay away from me.  It was actually laughable.  Anyhow, I'm going, and he will be there, so hopefully he leaves me the hell alone!  Everyone cross your fingers for me.


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I'm having a dilemma and don't know what to do.  Here's my problem.  I am invited to a going away party for a guy at my work that is retiring.  He's a great guy and I want to go and was planning too.  Here's what I just found out - my ex boyfriend, who used to work here (and yes, I dated him while we both worked here) but no longer does is going to be there.  Now let me fill everyone in on him.  His name is Ryan and he's a freak and a creep.  I met him while my current boyfriend and I were on a break.  He asked me out and I said yes.  And it went from there.  Then I found out that he had a girlfriend who he lived with!  So needless to say I ended it.  Then he told me he broke up w/his girlfriend, which he did for a while.  Then he got back together w/her behind my back.  So this went on and off for months.  Well, I ended up getting back together w/my boyfriend and I told Ryan to leave me alone so he treated me like crap and cheated on both her and I.


So ever since I told him to leave me alone and that I got back together w/my boyfriend, he flipped out and started emailing me, calling me, text messaging me, etc.  Well he stopped w/the phone calls/texts, but the still emails me at least once a month.  Now, keep in mind, I've been back w/my boyfriend for about 1.5 years and have only responded to one of Ryan's emails to tell him that he's a stalker and to never contact me again. 


That's the saga in a nutshell.  Now back to my problem - Ryan will be at this going away party.  Should I still go?  It will be a very uncomfortable situation for me because he will talk to me and I want nothing to do with him.  I don't want to make a scene in front of all my co-workers, but I also don't want to be nice to him.  I'd like to avoid the whole situation, but I sort of think it'd be stupid to not go say goodbye to someone I like because of a moron like him.


Opinions?  Advice?  I need help.


Thanks!



-- Edited by shopchicago33 at 17:29, 2005-06-09

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crystal


Kate Spade

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RE: Ex-Boyfriend/Work Situation
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can u bring guests?  if so take ur BF w/ u.  that way maybe he won't come up to you & if he does & picks a fight everyone will see what a psycho he is & not blame u at all.

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Hermes

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crystal wrote:

can u bring guests?  if so take ur BF w/ u.  that way maybe he won't come up to you & if he does & picks a fight everyone will see what a psycho he is & not blame u at all.
We can't bring guests, but even if we could, I would never, ever bring my boyfriend!  Then there would be a fight for sure, and it would probably be my boyfriend killing the guy.  He knows everything that happened and how badly Ryan treated me and how he wouldn't leave me alone.  Thanks for the suggestion though.

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esquiress


Marc Jacobs

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you know what?  i know this is very antiquated of me but it warms my heart to know that if you did bring your bf, he'd knock this creep out.  good for him for protecting his woman!


ok sorry, the more-enlightened esquiress has returned ...so as for what to do...i feel like scarlett had this issue a while back over whether or not to go to a wedding, maybe she'd have some words of wisdom and experience?  personally, i wouldn't go and probably just get a goodbye gift for the guy leaving or take him to lunch or something and leave it at that.


good luck and hth!



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Hermes

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esquiress wrote:

you know what?  i know this is very antiquated of me but it warms my heart to know that if you did bring your bf, he'd knock this creep out.  good for him for protecting his woman! ok sorry, the more-enlightened esquiress has returned ...so as for what to do...i feel like scarlett had this issue a while back over whether or not to go to a wedding, maybe she'd have some words of wisdom and experience?  personally, i wouldn't go and probably just get a goodbye gift for the guy leaving or take him to lunch or something and leave it at that. good luck and hth!

hehe thanks esquiress...it actually warms my heart too that he'd beat the crap out of him, and normally i hate guys who fight.  But in this particular situation, it'd be fully warranted!


as for taking the guy to lunch or buying him a gift, we aren't on that type of level.  He's a peer of my boss.  I think I should probably go, I just know I'll be really uncomfortable.  I just want to know how to handle myself.  While part of me would like to avoid the whole thing, that would probably also make him think I didn't go because of him and that's stupid.  I shouldn't not go because of him.



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f413


Kenneth Cole

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Do you have co-workers male or female that you could involve yourself with in conversation? Would he act poorly if you are surrounded by your colleagues? I would go and do your best to ignore him or remind him that you're not interested in talking to him. I wouldn't let the guy keep you from going.

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splash


Kenneth Cole

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I was going to suggest what people already did:

Take the retiring guy out to lunch. Or, maybe it'd be okay, since that's too much, to write him a card telling him what you appreciate that he's done?

And of course, I thought a "bodyguard"/guest would be perfect. Since you can't bring one, is there anyone at work you can tell your dilemma to, and then they could help you out of a tete a tete with Ryan? (when my friends and I go dancing, we have a code: if one of the girls says "marshmallow," the nearest guy immediately starts dancing with her to save her from whatever sketchy guy was about to ask her to dance... That's the type of thing I was thinking of)

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Coach

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If it were me, I would probably really feel like NOT attending this party.  But if you really want to go and it would mean a lot to the guy retiring, I hope you do bring your boyfriend and that you avoid the ex.

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Hermes

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I appreciate all of the advice.  I can't bring my boyfriend, so that's not an option.  I guess really the only thing to do is not go or to surround myself w/my friends and make it very hard for him to talk to me.  If he does try I'll just say hi an excuse myself as quickly as possible.  One thing I don't think he'll do is cause a scene.  His former boss will be there and I don't think he'd do that.  I just don't want to see him or talk to him.  It's very uncomfortable for me.

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esquiress


Marc Jacobs

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poor shopchicago, my sympathies sweetie.  you know a friend of mine was just commenting on how rude guys who don't take the hint are, it's like they just feel the need to inject themselves into your life and make you deal with them and it's just really unfair.  plus this guy seems like a grade A a**hole. 


it'll be ok, just go if you have to, surround yourself w/ friends and look awesome (for your confidence, not for him obviously). 


good luck!



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Hermes

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Yeah that's pretty much what this guy is a grad A a**hole.  What does he get out of emailing me all the time and me never responding?!  Thanks for your advice..I will have to try to avoid, avoid, avoid.

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Hermes

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RE: *Update* Ex-Boyfriend/Work Situation
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bump - see update.

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blubirde


Chanel

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good luck! tell us how it went tomorrow!

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Hermes

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blubirde wrote:

good luck! tell us how it went tomorrow!
You know I will.  Hopefully, all I'll have to say is that he stared at me like the stalker he is, but left me alone

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Cricket


Gucci

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Good luck tonight!!!  I hope he's a good boy.

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Hermes

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Thanks girls for all of your support.  The party went fine last night.  He waved to me and other than that, he stayed away.  It was defintely a bit akward and uncomfortable being in the same room, but I think I handled it just well.  Hopefully, that's the last time I'll ever have to see him.

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scarlett


Marc Jacobs

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hey, i know i am responding to this late and after the fact -- i am sorry to have missed this.  as esquiress said, i did have a very similar experience recently  (good memory, esquiress!).  ironically, while this thread was going i was out of town at the wedding where i was going to see my stalker ex, and away from a computer for over a week, so i missed this.  anyway, like you i was extremely apprehensive about seeing my ex, who had stalked me for months after we broke up.  my boyfriend couldn't come to the wedding and i was afraid of an ugly scene.  but like you, shopchicago33, i found it wasn't nearly as bad as i'd imagined.  we spoke briefly and it was all very polite and cordial.  whew!  now you never need to worry about seeing him again, and if you happen to run into each other, at least the worst part (seeing each other for the first time) has already passed.  i'm so glad this turned out well for you. 

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Hermes

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scarlett wrote:

hey, i know i am responding to this late and after the fact -- i am sorry to have missed this.  as esquiress said, i did have a very similar experience recently  (good memory, esquiress!).  ironically, while this thread was going i was out of town at the wedding where i was going to see my stalker ex, and away from a computer for over a week, so i missed this.  anyway, like you i was extremely apprehensive about seeing my ex, who had stalked me for months after we broke up.  my boyfriend couldn't come to the wedding and i was afraid of an ugly scene.  but like you, shopchicago33, i found it wasn't nearly as bad as i'd imagined.  we spoke briefly and it was all very polite and cordial.  whew!  now you never need to worry about seeing him again, and if you happen to run into each other, at least the worst part (seeing each other for the first time) has already passed.  i'm so glad this turned out well for you. 
thanks scarlett, and i'm glad yours turned out well for you too

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