STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

lynnie · Chanel

need advice/wisdom

HeatherLynn · Gucci

I am going through the same thing and have no advice. All I know is right now I am sad because I am leaving my old life but at the same time excited to begin my new life.

Luv2Shop · Kate Spade

Ok. Deep breaths...in...out...in...
When I graduated college it was one of the best times of my life. I was like "hell yea, I never have to go to school again!" I was in a different place then you relationship wise though, so I was less stressed about that. I was a waitress and still living with the P's and knew that if I didn't find a job right away it wasn't the end of the world because I had those 2 things to fall back on. But I ended up falling back on the waitress thing for way too long. They had to fire me (long boring story) for me to actually get the drive to look for a job in my field. (Even though now that I have that great "career" job I make the same ammount of $ I did as a frickin waitress!!) But it is a really scary thing to think about that next step into the real world.

Don't listen to your current boss I think you were talking about. He is full of shit about that whole independance thing. If you are with the kind of person who balances you out, you don't have to worry about growing up and getting too indepenant and getting divorced. That is a load of crap. Getting married is about finding the person you love, can live with and share the rest of you life experiences with, not just about superficial stuff. As for the long distance relationship thing, I haven't heard of many experiences where those work out.

I really hate to say this but if you haven't talked about the future and possibly moving in together so you won't be separated after college, maybe you aren't right for eachother. If you are graduating college and have been together a while, you should know weather or not you want those things with eachother by now. If it's not there now, it never will be. I believe that when people date and have to "decide" weather it's the right time to move forward or get married, they shouldn't. People who are really in love just know and that's all they want. No apprehention.
Although, maybe I am jumping the gun. Some people want to wait till they are older to get married. I just happend to meet the man of my dreams a few months before I graduated and couldn't wait to get married to him!

If you really love eachother, it will work out. Just be true to eachother and be really supportive of what the other one wants to do. I believe that will keep you together. You have to be happy with what the other is doing, and where they are in life, if not you won't be happy. If you don't like that he is living far away, it will be a problem because you will always be upset about it. That's no way to go through a relationship.

In conclusion to my long lecture (sorry) Just make sure YOU are always happy with what you are doing and who you are with. You are coming to a point in your life where things will start to become more permanent and if you hate your job and your bf pisses you off or lives to far away, put those things behind you and find new things. There is no reason you shouldn't be as happy as you can be.

Good luck with everything and if you ever what to chat PM me!!

rocky · Coach

I graduated last June. Things are definitely different, but life will not suck! I am still with my college bf, so not all relationships fall apart. If you have a strong bond with your bf you guys can work through changes together. Life is not all about money, and you do not have to have your whole life planned the second you get a job! I do like the income that I get now, and that I am able to save up to travel to places I could never go to before. I get to shop more . I had fun in college, but I am still having fun now!

blubirde · Chanel

Screw your boss!!!

I went from college straight to law school and graduated in 2003. My quality of life since I got a job and started working has improved tenfold. I have money to visit places I've always wanted to go, time to see friends and do things I always wished I had time for before, and the stability to know I control my own world, unlike in college when you feel out of control a lot of the time.

I am more free now than I have ever been in my entire life. And although I dislike my job at times, I have money and time like never before.

I can't help you with the boyfriend peptalk. My college bf and I did break up, but it was a long time coming. There are lots of college relationships that last so don't let it get you down. That's neither here nor there. The fact that it's a college relationship means nothing. Whether it's a lasting and good relationship is all that matters.

So perk up lynnie! You've got your whole life in front of you, the whole world to see and conquer, and tons of amazing things to do. I assure you, the best times of your life are definitely in front of you.

ejc423 · Coach

I graduated 2 years ago, worked for a year, then came back to grad school (which is a whole different game than undergrad).

I think I will always feel like a little girl on the inside. That's who I am. Although I have to take on an adult role at times (living in a house by myself, seeing patients in the clinic at school, having "adult" responsibilities in general, etc.), I don't think the two are mutually exclusive.

You can still be a kid at heart, enjoying your curious free-spirited nature, and your life will be enriched by all the new opportunities you will have. There is value in being independent--independence in itself doesn't breed stubborness, but you know that. And healthy independence has nothing to do with not needing other people.

I hope you will find a career you love (that has made things SO much easier for me) and that you will keep questioning.

And I don't think you should be worried that you don't have immediate plans with your boyfriend. If long-distance things never worked out, then there would be a lot more single people in the world . It's ok that you two will change and grow in different ways when you are apart--that just means there will be even more to share and learn from each other.

I am throwing you a big hug into cyberspace

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

i graduated from college five years ago, and i can promise you that things are going to work out. back then i was so worried about finding a job, where i should live, and what was going to happen. i see now that i didn't need to worry so much, and wish that i hadn't.

you are obviously a very intelligent, thoughtful person, lynnie. as you go through this transition, try to remember that "mistakes" or "detours" aren't really bad. they will teach you what you really want to do with your life. take chances, try new things, and you will find the things that make you truly happy.

your boss is wrong about getting more selfish and loner-ish. i think what really happens is you get more confident -- i know that happened to me -- and more sure of what you want. and when that happens, and you recognize what that is, then you will be ahead of the game! some of what you said reminded me a lot of me. i also have that same kind of child-like enthusiasm and wonder about things, and tend to be optimistic, but hearing negative things like you did with your boss can get me down too. my advice is to trust yourself to know just as much as anyone else and to have an opinion that's valid too. that's taken me a while to learn.

as for your boyfriend, try to not worry too much about that either. see where you both want to go. i do think love doesn't have to be hard. when you are with the right person it's easy. people from college end up staying together all the time, and people also fall in love other places. i don't say that to worry you, but just in case you're worried that if you and your boyfriend break up that you won't find love again. my parents met as freshmen and are still married 35 years later, my brother met his wife in college, but my cousin met her husband at work.

life is full of beautiful things and experiences, and i think it keeps getting better.

FashionPrincess · Hermes

My advice is to never lose that childlike zeal and optimism, if you hold on to it, it will help get you thru the tough times and make the happy times even happier. I'll send you a PM about this topic later, I have to go right now

shopgirl82 · Chanel

i was class of 2004, so here is my advice...

don't freak out, but if you do it's normal. i had a job, a bf that i was going to move in with, everything was set up for me, but on my drive from philly to chicago i had a panic attack. i mean hardcore freaking out. i was scared that i was making a mistake by moving from all the friends that i loved, people i loved, to take a chance with my bf in a city where the only other person that i knew was my brother...let's just say it worked out. but you're allowed to panic cuz it feels like you are stepping into some other role in life. a role that is so different from being in college. that's not the case. there's a transition. i've seen it with my brother, with my bf, etc...

the bf thing. i can't say what's going to happen, but make sure you live your life how you were going to live it. don't settle. if things are meant to work out they will. etc...no one thought that i would stay with my bf (including myself) when i met him my sophomore year of college because we were 700 miles apart...well, 3 years later long distance we are together. i'm sorry this is so much personal experience, but the point is, if that's what's supposed to happen in real life, that's what will happen.

if you things don't work out, come to chicago or any other major city cuz there's a ton of young, hot guys (girls) looking to go out and have a good time and they are all out of college and in the same boat you are.

and for your boss, i don't think he's getting laid enough or something!! seriously, he doesn't sound like a happy person, and life is great after college. you have money, freedom, respect (for making it and being independent), etc...

also, this is the best advice my mom gave, your first job isn't your last. in fact, many people stay for the required six months-year (don't quit before 6 months, it doesn't look great) and then they find a job that they really want. almost every person i know, leaves their first job out of college after 6 months-year. so if you hate it, there's always more.

feel free to contact me if you need anything else or have questions. it can be scary, but once you get past the scary part, it's a hell of a lot of fun (just don't be too responsible or for that matter irresponsible)!

esquiress · Marc Jacobs

your boss sounds like a bitter old man, and who are these people who are making it seem like college relationships don't work? they work all the time! of my friends who are married, most of them are married to their college SO's, so of course they can work! and a lot of them made it through long distance too. every relationship is different and i think some work and some don't for a variety of reasons but the most important thing to remember is this: the only people in your relationship are yourself and your bf, so the only opinions that matter on the subject are yours. so while it's important to learn from others and hear what they have to say, when it comes to YOUR romantic relationship the only people you have to listen to are yourself and your bf.

as for college, it was a wonderful fabulous experience, but it is not the only wonderful fabulous experience you will ever have, there is so much yet to come! sure there is uncertainty but the flip side of that is excitement--the world is your oyster and you can do anything you want. and don't let anyone tell you otherwise :)

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

I know EXACTLY what you're going through life wise (can't help with the boyfriend though) - my oh-god-is-life-really-supposed-to-suck moment came later though. when I graduated from college I bought into the idea that it was time to be an adult, to set goals and reach them. And about five years out I realized that I HATED my life and everyone that I worked with was miserable and I didn't know anyone who was happy and it all seemed terrifying and pointless and the potheads who sit on the couch all day suddenly seemed so very wise...

Anyway, I realized that I was doing things wrong. I was doign things that I thought would make me look good, that would seem responsible, like there was some invisible audience applauding my life and ready to give me a MEDAL or something if I did everything right... And I realized, I was depressed because there was no medal. No audience. Nothing but me and a bunch of choices I'd made that gave me a life i didn't honestly like much. So I stopped bothering with doing everything right. I started doing things that FELT good instead. I started doing things that were fun. That I liked.

And I ended up liking my life a lot more. Because I was doing it for myself. So was that a retreat into lonerism? I don't know. But I think your boss is trying to rationalize his continued failure to be brave enough to choose what he really wants. He has a point about money bringing freedom. But he doesn't sound very free to me.

So I think you'll be fine. Enjoy your choices. Screw everyone else. Your life can be as fabulous as you want it to be, because every day you choose who you are and what you want. And gradually the small choices roll into big ones and life keeps rolling along and you're having fun and it's all pretty damn good, even when bad things happen... It'll be awesome - you'll see!