STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Kari · Dooney & Bourke

another wedding ettiquette question....

Chic · Marc Jacobs

This is weird. I could totally see them needing you to be the nanny while they go to the wedding themselves, but not to attend with them?? I honestly don't know what to say.

ILoveChoo · Hermes

quote:
Originally posted by: Chic
"This is weird. I could totally see them needing you to be the nanny while they go to the wedding themselves, but not to attend with them?? I honestly don't know what to say. "

really! what do they need you there for? so strange.

shopgirl82 · Chanel

are they bringing you as a status symbol like, "hey, you can throw this big fancy wedding, we are big fancy people with a nanny!" i know that just sounded stupid, but honestly, that's what it could be. if they are "flashy" people, they could be bringing you to show off the fact that they have a nanny.

Elle · Hermes

Unless your name (and their daughters name for that matter) was on the invite, it's terribly rude of them to assume they can bring you both along.

How old is their daughter? If she is very small, you'd think they'd just leave her home with you since it's not like she'd miss going anyway. If she is old enough to care, wouldn't she also be old enough to sit through a wedding and at least part of the reception without someone there to watch her every single second?

Andrea Julia · Coach

quote:
Originally posted by: Kari
"I work as a part-time nanny. The family is so strange, but that is a whole different post. I have stories that make the "Nanny Diaries" seem lame. I am seriously considering writing a book. Anyway, that isn't the issue, my question is this... The couple I work for was invited to a wedding in June. The RSVPed for the two of them, their daughter and me. Is it ok to bring along your nanny to a wedding? I didn't see the invitation or anything, so I don't even know how comfortable I am that they are taking their daughter. The wedding is an evening wedding at the nicest hotel in town (this is arguable, probably not the nicest, but is perceived as a big fancy place). I have pretty strict personal rules of ettiquette for weddings and I am really quite horrified that I will be crashing a strangers wedding as a nanny. Am I over-reacting? They pay me too well to argue with them or tell them I refuse to go. Should I find some excuse to be unavailable? "

Kind of weird. You would think she would either have you watch her kids at her home or go to the wedding with her kids and watch them herself. But who knows? Maybe it is normal in their social circle and it stated on the invitation that they should bring their nanny.

Would you be sitting at a regular table with all the guests? I once went along to a wedding with a woman I babysat for, but I was in a separate room with a couple other babysitters and everyone's children and I got paid for it.

I would probably just go. She is the one that would have poor etiquette if she invited you when you weren't invited. I would try to think optimistically that this woman either was told she could bring a nanny or asked if it was okay and the people having the wedding said yes.

Cricket · Gucci

AJ is right. I would just go. The couple getting married would have to realize that it is your employers that are being rude, not you. I mean, why would you crash the wedding unless you were "forced" to? Better to keep things copacetic w/ your employers and not worry about the issue. I bet it is a status thing. You're their "trophy nanny"!

Kari · Dooney & Bourke

Perhaps part of it is a status thing. But unfortunately, it is more like these people have no business with a child and are scared to be alone with the child (she is 4 by the way). They have a "nanny" with them from 9am to 9pm whether or not they leave the house. I even bathe her at night before bed. They are only alone with her to put her to bed. It is so sad. I think that is why I stick around. I really don't have time anymore b/c of school, but I don't want to abandon her.

They are socially retarded really. No ettiquette whatsoever.

This man is a doctor and the wedding is of one of his partner's sons. So, it isn't even a close friend or relative's wedding.

I do feel better knowing that the wedding couple will see it as my employer's blunder and not mine.

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

I was a nanny too, and it's common, and um, they're not considering you a guest. Although they may let you eat. But I'll bet you can pretty much count on a day with their kids, everyone else's kids, and no bathroom breaks. Is there a chance you could get sick that day and be forced to back out?

sage · Dooney & Bourke

Okay, I dont know about the etiquette, but I would love to hear about the crazy things the family does. Or are you saving it for your book?? ha ha

Kari · Dooney & Bourke

Well, it would take days to tell all of them. I just started rambling, so I hope it all makes since.

But, I've been babysitting for them for over 2 years. They are very strange people. They have NO friends. No one ever comes to their house except the staff (housekeepers, babysitters, pooper-scoopers, etc.) They pay the babysitters anywhere from 20-30 an hour. I think the housekeepers get about the same. You can do the math...they spend ALOT on staff.

The mom is a stay at home mom, but she does nothing. She doesn't do housework, she doesn't shop, she doesn't run errands. She literally gets out of bed, works out, then sits on her ass all day watching movies or TV. There is a babysitter onsite from 9am to 9pm, 7 days a week...split up into shifts...so not really a nanny, there are 4-5 of us.

They have been married for like 14 years, have one daughter, age 4. Both have all but said they wish they'd never had a kid. The mom has straight out told me that she will NEVER have another, if an accident happened, she'd abort. The dad is only home from about 7-8pm until bedtime, then leaves around 6am. She doesn't like to play with her at all. They are scared to be alone with her. If one babysitter cancels or calls in sick, they freak out and call over and over and over until they find someone.

They have two beds in their master bedroom and the mother sleeps with the 4 year old.

The couple hasn't had sex in over 2 years. She has slept with at least 9 people since I've started working there!!! She is always drinking or pilled out in the evenings. She's been sleeping with the exterminator for 6 years. She is currently sleeping with about 3 different guys regularly.

There are some details about him that I don't even think I could type on here, he has some strange fetishes she has caught him doing (that I didn't even know existed). He is also addicted to porn.

They totally live their lives for show. They bought this HUGE house last year, and it is almost empty. 3 bedrooms have nothing in them. He gets a new car about every 6 months.

So, it would seem that they hate their kid, right. Well, they think they love her. The are totally overprotective. They never leave the house while any of us babysit. We just tag along if they go anywhere. One of us is always with them at meals. I bath her every night before bed. They don't let her eat anything that she "might" be allergic to even though they've had her tested for allergies. So, she's never had nuts or peanut butter.

Here is the worst part....they won't let her cry. They think if she cries, then she is sick. My husband works as an X-ray technician and has x-rayed her sinuses at least a dozen times in the past year. They think if she gets whiney or cries that her sinuses are bothering her. They give her medicine way too much. Zantac, nose spray, benedryl, tylenol....perhaps all in the same day. HE IS A DOCTOR....he should know better.

If she does cry, the dad will scream at the mom because it must be the mom's fault that she doesn't feel good. The mom should pay better attention...well NEWS FLASH...she's a FOUR year old...Four year olds cry once in a while.

She is a spoiled little girl, but amazingly pleasant to me. I am the only one that ever tells her no. They'll even let her ride outside of her carseat if she throws a fit.

I can't even go on...I get so pissed just thinking about it. The only reason I stay around is because I want her to have someone normal in her life.

Anyway....I hope none of you steal my stories for my book!! I'll sue you!! Ha Ha!

poptart · Coach

Dizzy wrote:

I was a nanny too, and it's common, and um, they're not considering you a guest. Although they may let you eat. But I'll bet you can pretty much count on a day with their kids, everyone else's kids, and no bathroom breaks. Is there a chance you could get sick that day and be forced to back out?

Yep, this is what I'm thinking too.

Drew · Gucci

I'm sorry I don't have any advice. I just know nothing about these situations.

If you feel like starting another thread continuing your nanny-tales I would love to read them.