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Post Info TOPIC: What is the best way to handle this?
Andrea Julia


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What is the best way to handle this?
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I have a friend at work that I go to lunch with a lot.  Sometimes she borrows a few dollars from me and doesn't pay me back, BUT sometimes I borrow a few dollars from her and don't pay it back.  I'm sure you know how it is-when you only have an hour for lunch, you don't really have time to stop at an ATM and we usually make plans spur of the moment.  Being that neither of us ever paid each other back and this has been going on so long, I just figured it was understood that we would cover each other whenever one of us was a little short on cash.  We do it about equally.  Also, you should know that when I lend money to people, I never ever ask for it back.  I just only lend small amounts of money that I won't be devastated to lose.  That has just always worked for me because I always feel uncomfortable asking for money back.  I DO however always pay people back when I borrow money except for this girl and my best friend (who, just to make sure, I just called and verified that we DO have the type of money-borrowing relationship I thought I also had with the friend at work).


So, today, we went to this sandwich place and I was just going to pay for mine with my debit card, but when we got there, there was a sign that said the credit card machine was broken.  She said she would lend me money but I have to pay her back.  I was just thinking to myself, what the heck!??  I had "lent" her money just last week and she never paid ME back.  I just said yes and I will pay her back. 


Should I say something to her?  Should I just start expecting her to pay me back as well?  But then that would mean I would have to ask her for the $5 or whatever I lend her if she forgets to just give it to me and I really hate doing that.  Should I just lend her money and not expect it back, but if I borrow money, make sure I do pay it back?  I know the easy answer is to just make sure we both always have cash, but things just happen:  we both plan to pay by credit card and the waitress won't split the check, one of us wasn't planning to take a lunch at all but decided last minute when invited, one of us accidentally left our wallet in our office but we are already in the car...


I hate any problems involving money.  PLEASE help me to reach the best solution.



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Mia


Kate Spade

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I'd just say something casually, something like, it seems as if we've had this arrangement where a couple of bucks here and there is no big deal. Do you think we should start keeping track and paying each other back now? Say it nicely and see what her response is.


I never have a problem lending small amounts of $ to people (and not expecting to get paid back) but I've noticed if you do this too much sometimes people forget you've done it and it can cause problems.



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honey


Gucci

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pay her back but try and avoid lending her money again. that sucks that she asked for it back but maybe she's really broke this week so she really needs to get the money back. you *could* say something i.e. "i was really taken aback by your comment re the moeny" but i'm sooo non-confrontational i'd probably just suck it up and not loan her money again.



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lynnie


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I also think the right thing to do would be NOT have a big conversation about it. It makes me feel squeamish just thinking about it, and it would be tacky.  Just try not to lend her money.  If you pay her back, she should assume she has to do the same next time.  That's just how it is.  If she doesn't, ask her casually if she has the money, you need to pay for your parking or something stupid like that.  Or the next time you go out together after you pay for her, say you forgot your cash but it's ok because you got her last time, can you get me this time?  Something like that. 

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Tati


Chanel

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Andrea Julia, Um, can you lend me $10?


 


 


Just kidding!


I agree with the girls,dont have a big conversation about it, she might be going through a tuff time with money right now. Just try not to cover her anymore for lunch, if you have to lend her money so be it but if she dosen't pay you back then just casually mention it to her. Like Mia said, something Nice and simple...........



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Cricket


Gucci

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quote:
Originally posted by: Mia
"I'd just say something casually, something like, it seems as if we've had this arrangement where a couple of bucks here and there is no big deal. Do you think we should start keeping track and paying each other back now? Say it nicely and see what her response is. I never have a problem lending small amounts of $ to people (and not expecting to get paid back) but I've noticed if you do this too much sometimes people forget you've done it and it can cause problems."
I agree w/ Mia.

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beachgirl


Kenneth Cole

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If this has been the arrangement for a while, then I bet maybe she's just really broke this week and just really needs the money.  I wouldn't worry about it since it's just this one time that she's asked for the money back.  If she asks again though, then I would just start keeping track both ways and not have the arrangment anymore.

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Marc Jacobs

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quote:
Originally posted by: beachgirl
"If this has been the arrangement for a while, then I bet maybe she's just really broke this week and just really needs the money.  I wouldn't worry about it since it's just this one time that she's asked for the money back.  If she asks again though, then I would just start keeping track both ways and not have the arrangment anymore."


Yeah I would probably do this. I have that same sort of unspoken arrangement with a bunch of friends and with my sister as well and I would only ask for the money to be repaid if I were stressed about finances. Maybe she decided that she doesn't want to do this lending/borrowing thing anymore and this was her subtle way of telling you. Either way, I would wait to see what happens the next time you need to borrow a couple of bucks and if she again asks to be repaid then you can start doing the same when she borrows from you.

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sage


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Maybe your friend has an amount in her head she is not willing to fork over and not get back. Maybe in the past it was 3-4 dollars and this time it was over 5? Maybe that is her benchmark for loans that must be repaid? Was the amount this time more than the amount had been in the past?

-- Edited by sage at 18:01, 2005-05-19

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Marc Jacobs

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ugh i hate money issues.  maybe try alternating, like one day you get lunch for the both of you, the other day she gets it?


like next time just be like "don't worry about it, i have it, just get me next time."


hth!



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Andrea Julia


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quote:
Originally posted by: sage
"Maybe your friend has an amount in her head she is not willing to fork over and not get back. Maybe in the past it was 3-4 dollars and this time it was over 5? Maybe that is her benchmark for loans that must be repaid? Was the amount this time more than the amount had been in the past?-- Edited by sage at 18:01, 2005-05-19"
No.  It was $3.  I had some cash but not enough to cover a sandwich and a drink. Maybe it was just an expensive week for her or something.

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