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Kel


Coach

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Posts: 1765
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Family issues
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I have no idea where i should post this but I am furious and it has to do with family so i think that is considered a relationship. First I got into an arguement with my mom this morning over school, something silly but still it made me mad. Then apparently my brother's g/f is preganant again. Her and my brother are not married but been together for like 6 years. But the point is that they are not ready for another child. They are not anything stable, financial, jobs etc... They just bought a house, but still need financial support from time to time. There first baby was an accident (they were real young) but this one was sort of planned. She said that it was an accident and she was very mad when she found out. I just don't understand, we are in modern day here, there are ways to prevent pregancies. I know that this should not be my problem and if they want to have children it is there responsbilty but i am just upset b/c they seem like they are not taking any responsbility for their lives. Right now they are the odd couple who always argue but manage to stay together. For one that is not a wonderful envionment to be raising children in. Second, they both are young, and they both still act like they want their freedom to be young, but they want to have more children. I just don't understand. Plus they are constantly calling me on friday and sat. nights so they can go out. Which I do not mind aside from the fact that they say they will be home by 12 but don't call and show up at 2. I am just really upset, and I don't understand why, it is really none of my business. On top of that my parents knew for like a week without telling me or anything. My mom and I even talked about it and she said she threatened my brother saying he needs to get married before having another child (we were born into a tradition family setting where this is necessary) but it upsets me the most that they were planning it. Then when I told my mom I knew she acted like she didn't know. This even made me more mad at my mom.  I don't know maybe i have no right to be upset, I just am, I am just down. Of course I will love the baby to to death, but I just don't understand. Plus it upsets me that I always have to be the "good" child when my brother can go and do whatever and he doesn't even get a single lecture. I know this probably sounds all jumbled, and self- centered but I needed to vent, I really do not want to go to one of my friends right now with this.

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esquiress


Marc Jacobs

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Posts: 2053
Date:
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wow, poor kel, i'm so sorry!  first of all, don't apologize for being upset, whether it's your "business" or not, it has upset you and you need to acknowledge those feelings.  so i'm glad you vented, it's the worst when you bottle up your feelings because you don't think you're justified for having them because feelings have a way of coming out one way or another, let's do what we can to address them in a healthy way.


first of all, it sucks when someone close to you (esp. family) is making decisions in their life that you feel are a disaster waiting to happen.  because even though it's "not your business" they're close enough to you that your life IS affected.  so ok, it sucks, your brother seems to be making really poor choices and those choices are going to affect an innocent little human being that can't speak for him/herself.  it also sucks that your mom seems to be hiding information from you and letting him get away w/ whatever (this kinda reminds me of lsu_batgirl's situation w/ her brother).  I think this is because the "bad" one for want of a better term in the family seems to get more leeway sometimes because the parents are afraid of the "bad" one getting worse whereas the good one is just expected to be good all the time...isn't that called the "prodigal son" or something?


so what to do? try your absolute best to disengage and i know this is going to sound corny and i've said it before but try the serenity prayer--it really does work wonders, imo.  and by disengaging, it may not be the best idea to hang out w/ your bro and his girlfriend right now, for your own peace of mind.  just be nice but protect yourself from being upset further by limiting contact.  also, and this is a given--try to learn from their mistakes and not make them in your own life (not that you would, but still)


hang in there and hth!



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lsubatgirl


Gucci

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Posts: 2902
Date:
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oh kel i know what its like to have to be the good child while the sibling gets to be bad and still be loved.  I'll have to look for you on aim tomorrow while I'm at work.

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