STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

member · Hermes

Should I Talk to Him & Should I Go? Long Post!

lsubatgirl · Gucci

hmm... I would think that he is under a lot of stress right now with the merger and is unfortunately taking it out on you and who knows how many others. He might not even realize that he is doing it. Is there a tactful way you can approach him about this? If you do talk to him I wouldn't use the word you at all. It might make him defensive and/or worse.

As far as dinner I say go. Its a free dinner and he is treating you so maybe its his way of acknowdging how stressful the office is and he's trying to make it up. If that's not it then eat the meal anyways since its free and it shouldn't be unpleasant since there is 12 of you going.

member · Hermes

lsubatgirl -that's the thing, I am looking for a tactful way to approach him w/out making him feel like I'm attacking him. The last thing I want to do is make him feel like I'm accusing and attacking and pointing fingers. I need a tactful way to handle this. I understand he is under a ton of stress, but to me, that does not warrant treating me like dirt. That's not an excuse and he shouldn't do that.

lsubatgirl · Gucci

pm dizzy about this. she is good with stuff relating to this topic.

Bastet · Kate Spade

Does he behave the same way towards other people who work for him as he does around you? If you think he's singling you out, maybe you should talk to him. Maybe you could ask him if he thinks the quality of your work has changed? But that might be too passive. Sorry I can't give good advice about what to say, I've never confronted my boss. I do think you should go to the dinner since you want to try and keep a good professional relationship w/ him in case you need him as a reference.

Seashells · Dooney & Bourke

Ok- So it sounds like you used to have a good relationship with him, so there is definately a good way to approach this.

All you have to do is ask him for a minute of his time at the end of the day (preferably at the end of his day also) to discuss an issue.

Make sure he isn't busy and relatively relaxed.

Then to bring it up I would tell a little white lie (by telling this lie, it makes it look like you are not attacking him- very important)- "I don't know about you, but this merger has really been stressing me out". See if he agrees, if he does, that gives you an opening to go on.

Then I would say, "I don't know if its the stress, but I feel like our relationship has changed a bit..." then I would go on to detail what things have been bothering you.

You should definately go to the dinner. Its a professional dinner, and it might help rekindle some of the relationship. I know you don't want to, but that kind of thing bosses do notice. No matter what you need to keep in his good graces.

bumblebee · Dooney & Bourke

i agree that going to the dinner is a showing of good faith and a team-player attitude on your part. you should definitely go--it will make your conversation with you boss easier when you eventually broach the subject.

i also agree with seashells that you have worked for this boss for a long time, have shown loyalty and that the current conflict is almost certainly not personal. i can almost guarantee you that he has no idea what effect he is having lately and that he has changed his behavior towards you.

i had a very very similar situation recently with my boss after an internal shake-up at the company that resulted in a big personnel change. it's really stressful at the top when those things happen, and the stress and negativity flows downward--they lean harder on the people they trust. anyway, i was really frustrated and angry and feeling like my boss didn't value me anymore, but i also kind of knew in the back of my head that it wasn't personal, because nothing had changed in terms of my work performance, attitude, etc.

all i did was pick a time when it was relatively quiet, asked if he had a minute, and then just went and sat down in his office and spoke in a calm and caring type of manner. i asked whether everything was ok, that i sensed the vibe in the office had changed a little bit and that i wasn't taking it personally because i didn't think that he meant to treat me differently than he always did and that i knew it had been really stressful with all the changes. anyway, i didn't have to even get too far before he picked up on what i was talking about, apologized, felt terribly that he had been mean to me and gave some great postitive reinforcement about how much he values me and is glad that i am here. everything has been much better ever since (a few months now). back to normal.

good luck--just don't get too worked up about it and go in with a positive/questioning attitude rather than a chip on your shoulder, which will poison the whole thing.

member · Hermes

Thanks girls - i appreciate the advice. I did go to the dinner last night and I had a good time, so I'm glad I went.

As for his behavior, one thing is that he's a huge smart-ass and always has been. I don't know if I'm being too sensitive because I'm unhappy w/my job, or what. Just all of a sudden he demands the stupidest things out of me and makes rude comments at times. I think I will take your advice Bumblebee and approach him in a calm casual manner and just ask if everything is ok. Thanks!