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Post Info TOPIC: help! 'being independent'


Kenneth Cole

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help! 'being independent'
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k, this will be really long.... but I'd really appreciate advice!

Haha, here's the summary: college girl feels more 'New England' than 'West Coast,' and doesn't know how to make that true, rather than just her own perception. Especially when she's spending the summer at her parents' house in Oregon. Help!

I'm having trouble because I feel like I'm very different from my parents and the whole environment I grew up in, and I don't know how to redefine myself. I don't even know what exactly I want, and I know that I've chosen a school that is comfortably like what I'm used to, rather than what I want.
I'm in college in New England, and I'm from Oregon. My parents and everything around me were very liberal, both politically and socially. They were also very against competitiveness, saying that I should do what I want right now, rather than having a goal and working toward it. I have liberal views, but I also feel like their ways of doing things are extremely inefficient.
I was in such a homogeneous place growing up that although I knew during late high school that although I didn't like where I was, I didn't know what other options there were. Now, I have a better idea, but I chose a college that is much like what I'm used to, and the friends I have are also more like that. I want to expand, but I feel a little stuck.
Now, I was hoping to be in NYC this summer, but I'm ending up back in Oregon. I want to do some 'mini internships' in fields I'm interested in, but I feel like there I'm trapped in a place I don't want to be, both in that I don't foresee myself living there after school, and in that I don't feel like I can really grow to be what I want to in that climate. But right now that's the best option for me in terms of career, so I need to figure out how to make the best of it.
Any ideas? Sorry this is random and probably confusing... I'm confused myself..

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Marc Jacobs

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Yes that is a little confusing, but I will do my best :)


Are you saying you feel like a New England person or a New York person? They are pretty different although they have a lot in common too.


What I think you mean about your parents saying you should do what you want when you want it, is that they want you to feel free to explore all your options, right? I don't think that that philosophy, and having a goal to work toward, are at all mutually exclusive. I think they just don't want you to decide your life plan by age 22 without first exploring options. I think probably they would rather you find something that truly matters to you, even if it takes you a few years of false starts, than have you you pick a path and a goal just because you want to have SOME kind of plan when you graduate. And I definitely understand that pressure--uncertainty is frightening, and you want to feel some sense of security in terms of where you stand and what your plans are--picking a long-term path does give you something definite to work towards. But at the same time, as long as you're able to meet all your needs, I don't think there's anything wrong with doing what you want, when you want it. One of the amazing things about this era is that we do have so many options, and it's not at all unusual for people to make career switches, whether it's segueing from one thing to another or abruptly going in a completely different direction. And I think it's great to have shorter-term goals and take them one step at a time, because it allows you so much flexibility. I know this is a ludicrously old-and-wise statement coming from a 26-year-old, but it really is true that we have so little control over our lives, that the more flexible you can be, and the more open you are to new possibilities, then the more you will be able to adapt to the circumstances in which you find yourself and the happier you will be in the long run. I admire people who have a really strong drive to move down one particular path, but it's not the only way to be and it's not necessarily the best. If that is your personality then that is fantastic, but if it's not your personality, don't force yourself to live your life that way, because it's not who you are.


As for the internships, whatever you do in Oregon will still be valuable experience. My aunt always says that although her career path has been more a series of zigzags and wild turns than a nice straight line, none of her experiences, none of her jobs, nothing she's learned has ever been a waste of time, and I completely agree. Even if you end up in a totally different field from what you're doing this summer, you're still gaining skills and experience that you can apply to whatever you do next.


Oh, and New York is an amazing place to experiment. There are so many industries here, so many schools... this is a great place to live after school and just spend a few years trying things out.



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