STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Meow · Coach

so upset!!!

jacL · Coach

Wow, I am so sorry! Don't take it personally. Is your boss much older than you--you'd think she would have at least seen camis being worn like you did. Maybe she is old-fashioned and even though your outfit was appropriate enough, she just couldn't get past the fact that the cami looks somewhat like lingerie. If that is the case, I would not wear the top to work anymore. It may cut down on your options, but since you are close with her, I would not want to do anything to jeopardize either your friendship or work relationship. It is really too bad, because your outfit sounds totally appropriate (and super cute!), but I see it as one of those things you just suck up. Feel better!

sage · Dooney & Bourke

It is possible your boss/friend has had some new instructions on proper attire for her staff, maybe camisoles were specifically mentioned in some sort of dress code or something....if so the staff should be made aware. If she had disapproved of your outfit I wish she would just tell you instead of making commentary ("camisoles are usually worn under tops") which is a passive agressive way of disapproving. Or, maybe you looked so stunningly lovely(the outfit sounds great) she was jealous. In any event, call her, ask her if she thought your outfit was work inappropriate. You are upset now( I wish you weren't

) so you might as well find out for sure if your suspicions are true, or if you were just reading in to things. Good luck!!

PS What do you teach?? Not that it makes a diff, just curious!

-- Edited by sage at 17:02, 2005-05-02

luckylily · Gucci

Was it a shiny, satin like cami? I think a lot of people still think of those as being lingerie even tho they have grown to be more versatile than that in the last few years. I know I couldn't get away with one at my work. Well, I doubt anyone would say anything, but I know I'd get some dissapproving looks. On the other hand, if it was a cotton cami, I think they are totally fine w/ something worn over it.

Your outfit sounds really cute! I'm sorry that you are feeling so badly.

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

With all due respect, I have to disagree strongly with a previous poster. Please do NOT call this woman and force her to explain herself to you. It's presumptuous, disrespectful and will not be recieved well. I know this is the healthy way to act in your PERSONAL life, but I have seen so many people crash and burn because they mix up work with family. It's not the same thing. In a close personal relationship, say what you mean and mean what you say. In a work relationship, always, always, always allow the other person to save face.

This woman very nicely told you not to wear that camisole to work anymore. It's unfair, since your outfit sounds adorable, but if she has a problem with it and you want to preserve the relationship, she can pull rank. And she did. Actually, you're lucky she did it so tactfully, since it sounds like she was pretty upset. (She's from a different generation, and to her this was probably like showing up in a corset or fishnets - which I love to wear, but I guess I wouldn't recommend as long as you work for her). It's also nice that she told you. I've seen a boss wait until a woman walked out of the room before announcing to the ENTIRE meeting "Can you BELIEVE she wore that!"

I would sort of hint to her that you got her hint, and you appreciate her telling you. She'll probably like that acknowledgment. But she doesn't owe you any explanation.

-- Edited by Dizzy at 17:53, 2005-05-02

sage · Dooney & Bourke

Ahhh, Dizzy, you are probably right. I am sick today and in a confrontational mood. I guess I just get tired of "hints". I just wish sometimes people would speak directly....I guess in this case Meow, your friendship with your boss made it hard for her to disapprove in a direct manner.

Meow · Coach

Thanks everyone. I am not good at confrontations so I won't say anything to her. I just won't wear it again. I feel better. As far as her age goes, she is only four years older than me.

She has a personality where she says whatever comes into her head, so I am really surprised that she didn't directly tell me she felt it was inappropriate. Anyway, I will defer to her and not wear it anymore. Hey, I can look on the bright side--Now I have an excuse to go shopping to find a more appropriate blouse to wear with the outfit.

Sage, I teach math, physics, and physical science.

-- Edited by Meow at 21:27, 2005-05-02

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

Wait, this girl is four years older and usually direct? What the hell? You're still screwed, because of the boss relationship, but now I dont' know what's up with her. Probably she didn't want to lose the relationship by being too direct and bosslike. Must be a tricky situation for her too... Or maybe she's a psycho control freak who enjoyed the fact that you spent all day worried about your blouse. Either way, I guess just flush it (sports phrase) and thank her for setting you straight...

You know, come to think of it, I have been "corrected" in law school for fashion things from people YOUNGER than me. Pretty conservative bunch here.

And Sage, you're totally right - hints get tiring, and I know what your'e saying about wanting to grab people and be like "Would you just TELL me..." Oh well. I guess it's like a sport or something, there'd be no point to the game if you could just carry the ball down the court.

Meow · Coach

quote:
Originally posted by: Dizzy
"Wait, this girl is four years older and usually direct? What the hell? You're still screwed, because of the boss relationship, but now I dont' know what's up with her. Probably she didn't want to lose the relationship by being too direct and bosslike. Must be a tricky situation for her too... Or maybe she's a psycho control freak who enjoyed the fact that you spent all day worried about your blouse. Either way, I guess just flush it (sports phrase) and thank her for setting you straight... You know, come to think of it, I have been "corrected" in law school for fashion things from people YOUNGER than me. Pretty conservative bunch here. And Sage, you're totally right - hints get tiring, and I know what your'e saying about wanting to grab people and be like "Would you just TELL me..." Oh well. I guess it's like a sport or something, there'd be no point to the game if you could just carry the ball down the court. "

I think it is a matter of her not wanting to lose the relationship. She is not a control freak, and I just think she tried to handle this the best way she knew how. I am feeling much better, but it is going to be awkward around her at work tomorrow.

laken1 · Hermes

I was in a similar situation about capris a few years ago - I had these KILLER capris that were just gorgeous platinum / gold with beautiful detailing on them that I paid a small fortune for. I wore them to work because to be honest, they cost me more than any of my suits even & i thought they were very tasteful. The HR girl came to talk to me & told me that althought my capris were indeed business appropriate, it's just hard to draw that line & it set a bad example for other people who would wear walmart capris to work & claim that I wore them so they thought they were ok, so please don't let it happen again. I was horrified at the time, but later I saw her point. Although your outfit sounds work appropriate, maybe all she could see was the worst case scenario that other co-workers could take it to the extreme & put her in an awkward position with them? Does that make sense? sorry you are going through this, but now you know. no camis.