STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Ok, I feel silly doing this, because what the hell do I know? But I'm trying to avoid studying for a final, so I'm going to post a story about a crazy boss, because everyone has one, and I had a PEACH for the last five years.

Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Dizzy who worked as a food writer for a newspaper. It was a nice newspaper, and dizzy was terribly excited to have the chance to work there, and to work for a famous writer in the food section. Unfortunately, the famous writer turned out to be a truly evil witch. Dizzy had always liked most people, and usually got along well with everyone, so she thought the witch would eventually come around. But the nicer she was, the meaner the witch became. Every day, the witch visited Dizzy and threatened to fire her. And so every day, Dizzy worked harder and harder, but the witch was never happy. Soon Dizzy cried in the bathroom every afternoon because she didn't have enough money to quit, and she thought she was a HUGE failure.

Then one day the witch said she wanted some mint leaves for a photo shoot the next week. The mint leaves had to be from a particular area of the country, and they could NOT be spiky with hard stems. She wanted wide, flat leaves. So Dizzy drove to every store that sold fresh mint in the big city where she worked. It took all day. but no one had the right kind of mint leaves. Finally, Dizzy learned that there was a nationwide shortage, due to a drought in the area of the country that grew those mint leaves, and all the mint leaves that year were small and spiky. The mint leaves the witch wanted could only come from South America, and there was a trucker's strike, so there weren't any in town.

"Hurray, I'm safe," Dizzy thought. "No one can blame me for a trucker's strike and a drought. I've worked very hard. I'll just tell the witch that no one in town sells the right kind of mint leaves, and she'll understand that we have to use the spiky ones..."

Unfortunately, Dizzy was an idiot. When she told her mean boss, her boss acted like she hadn't even heard her. "Didn't I tell you what kind of mint leaves to get? Are you saying you can't handle something as simple as finding mint leaves?" she yelled. "Go back to every store, and don't come back to this office until you have the mint leaves."

Dizzy, still being an idiot, refused, "This company can't pay my mileage, and I have a deadline (later, Dizzy learned that her boss assigned an impossible task every time Dizzy was about to get a byline in the paper, because her boss didn't want to share the credit, or let Dizzy become a threat - but that's a whole other story). The evil boss huffed and fumed and yelled until her face was red. She said 'Are you refusing a direct order?" And she threatened to call HR right there to have Dizzy fired immediately.

That's when Dizzy wised up, just a little bit. She realized that if her boss could fire her, she would have already. "You're right, I couldn't find the mint leaves," Dizzy said. "You know so many people, and you're so respected, maybe they just didn't want to give them to someone like me."

Her boss began to calm down. "I can give you a list of people to call who might have them," she said. "Of course I could do that," Dizzy said. "But do you think they'll even take my call? I'm not famous like you are..."

Dizzy's boss said, 'I know the mint leaves are available. When I was your age I was willing to work hard to meet my obligations, but I guess you're a different generation."

"I'm learning a lot from you," Dizzy said, becoming even smarter, and decidng that being right wasn't nearly as much fun as watching her boss stew. "Maybe if you make a few calls, I'll learn how to do it right."

"I'll make some phone calls to help you out this time. But I expected you to be able to hit the ground running. You're no good to me while you're only learning," her boss said, waiting for Dizzy to defend herself so her boss could keep insulting her.

Now, Dizzy knew that no one could find these mint leaves. And she knew that she worked harder than anyone in her department, and that she was doing three jobs, really, and that she was paid at the bottom of the scale for the position. But she didn't say that to her boss. She smiled and said, "I think if people know I'm calling on your behalf they'll be much more receptive. It's too bad I didn't think of that earlier."

Her boss said, "Ok, well, now that we're clear, I'll expect to see the right kind of mint leaves." Dizzy pretended she hadn't heard and HER BOSS DIDN"T EVEN NOTICE. "You know, it's great working with you," Dizzy said. "I really think I'm learning a lot."

And she was.

The end.

Epilouge - Dizzy brought spiky mint leaves to the photo shoot and her boss never said anything else about it. (Because she would have had to admit that she couldn't find the leaves either, even though she's famous).

After that, whenever her boss asked for something impossible, Dizzy smiled and said 'that would be such a good idea." Then she just DID NOT DO IT. At first, she documented all the reasons why it was impossible, in case anyone ever asked. But they never did. Because you see, Dizzy's boss was the kind of witch who only dealt with appearances. She didn't care about the job, she just didn't want to be contradicted, ever. Because contradicting her reduced her witchly power, making her afraid that she would melt like the wicked witch of the west that she really was. So if someone ever said she was wrong about ANYTHING she would hurt that someone. But if they just smiled and complimented her, she was fine.