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Post Info TOPIC: Dating at Work? UPDATE--Depressed!
jah


Dooney & Bourke

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Dating at Work? UPDATE--Depressed!
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****UPDATE*******************************************************


Okay, so you all gave good advice...there was a connection and I should act on it... I didn't until two days ago.  So why depressed, well the reason I acted is he is moving.  Yep, great job is taking him away.  I am very depressed about all this.  Basically, we were at an event, got a bit tipsy and started communicating (imagine that!).  Now, I just feel like I lost an opportunity and I want to kick myself.  Plus, I'm away on business, so I am missing all the going away parties and don't get to say goodbye... he e-mailed me and told me to call him when I get back, so I don't know if I should do that.  Aren't I just prolonging the misery by continuing conversation?


Anyway, any ideas for how I can cheer myself up?  I guess I need to go buy some stuff in the country I'm visiting... They have designer stores within walking distance (I'm in dangerous territory here!). 


*******************************************************************


What are everyone's thoughts on dating a co-worker?


My last long-term boyfriend and I were set up by my former boss.  He was a director in my company (I was a manager).  I did not report to him and I wasn't in the same organization.  We worked together briefly on one project, but weren't in the same building, etc.  Anyway, we brought a lot of crap into our relationship from work and after 3+ years broke up (reasons outside of work, but that is another story).


So, now I am in a different company.  Before starting at this company, I used their software, so I know many people in the organization.  One of these people is a guy I've known for about 3 years.  He's a really great guy and I think I'm attracted to him, but because of previous stress in my past relationship, I told myself I would never do this again...


What do you guys think?  To date or not to date at work?


For this specific situation, I don't know if this guy even likes me...I think I get that vibe and a few people have made comments about the two of us (he always asks me to go places with him and his friends, but I'm new to the area, so he could just be being nice).  He also stops by my desk to chat, etc.  There is always lots of flirting, but again, I can't tell.  My last clue is that a salesperson asked me what I thought of the guy.  I said we were friends, and the salesguy said that he had asked the guy the same thing and if he was going to ask me out and the saleguy said if I didn't like him, I should clue him in or something.  Anyway, I don't know if the salesguy is yanking my chain or what, but I will say if he asked me, I wouldn't know what to do.


He is very cute, very smart and we have a lot of the same interests.  Never have any problem talking with him, conversation flows, is flirty and witty.  But he is a director in my company (I'm a manager).  I don't work for him, but he is over a software program that I could interface with in the future if my client base were to change or one of his clients were added.  I'll admit I have a crush and if something were to happen, I'm thinking of changing my mind about the "no dating at work rule", but what do you gals think?


By the way, there is no work policy that would prohibit it...


 



-- Edited by jah at 19:25, 2005-05-07

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Andrea Julia


Coach

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RE: Dating at Work?
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I say go for it!  If he is cute and nice and you like him, why let work stand in your way?  It is not like one of you reports to the other.  It seems like he likes you, too!


I wouldn't rule it out because of your ex.  Your ex is a completely different person and just because you had work stress in that relationship doesn't mean it will happen anytime you date someone at work.  And if it does, you can always break things off before they get serious.  I personally think not knowing what could have been is a lot worse than knowing and having it suck.  As long as he doesn't seem like the type of person who would sabotage your job if things didn't work out, I think it is okay. Maybe you should just move really slowly so you can back out easily if you don't like him.


I've dated 2 guys from work (not my current job).  Both ended up badly, but it wasn't because of work.  My major concern going into both relationships was what would happen when we broke up.  However, it wasn't really THAT bad seeing them after we broke up.  I just made a point of being really involved in my work or with a conversation with someone else whenever they were around. 



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gruiz


Kenneth Cole

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I'm a little biased on the subject. I dated a coworker and we're getting married next year! This may sound weird, but it's a good sign that other people are picking up on your chemistry. So many people at work knew that my FH and I would make a good pair before either of us did.

I'm of the opinion that we are put into certain situations to meet certain people. If you really like him, and he likes you, give it a shot. The worst that will happen is that it won't work out and you may have some slightly uncomfortable encounters at work. To me, that's better than a lifetime of "what ifs?"

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sephorablue


Marc Jacobs

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yeah I really think that if you are both mature people who wouldn't subject each other to hostile or childish behavior once broken up, it is well worth a try. a relationship can end up lasting through a lifetime of jobs, right?

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blubirde


Chanel

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Go for it!

As long as you're mature and adult about everything, I don't think there's a problem. Our worlds are getting so much smaller when it comes to meeting single people of the opposite (or same) sex. I wouldn't let an opportunity for something good go by because of a technicality.

Keep us posted!

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Irene


Dooney & Bourke

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I met my fiance through work. We don't work together anymore, but I think there is nothing wrong with it.

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scarlett


Marc Jacobs

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I say, if you like this guy and the opportunity arises, then go out with him.  Like the other posters, it's better to try something and know, than not to try and keep wondering what might have been.  If other people are noticing it, you must really have hit it off with him, and that kind of chemistry and compatibility are rare!  Personally, the things I regret most are chances I didn't take.


Having said that, if you do start dating, take it slowly.  It will be a lot easier to see him around work if you only went out a few times than if things progressed further (physically or even just amount of time spent together).  My cousin met her husband at work, and they still work together, and it has been great for them.  Like you and this guy, they had people noticing what good friends they were and kind of teasing them about when they'd finally get together.  It took them 2 or 3 years but they finally did and got married over a year ago.  On the flip side, I dated someone I worked with in a small office, and it ended very badly, but not because we worked together.  Luckily, by then he had moved on to another job.


Like Blubirde said, this is an opportunity, and our worlds are getting smaller all the time.  So see how it goes and who knows...?!



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greendiamond


Marc Jacobs

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Well, having married a co-worker, I'm biased. But, I say go for it.


When we began dating we were in the save department, but with different jobs (they were both equally peon level). We kept it secret for a month or so, just because we wanted to see about it without any outside influences from co-workers. Then everyone found out, and it was okay.


The company had/has no policy against it, in fact everyone is either related or dating it seems like. We are both in different positions at the company now, and in different departments.


It's kinda nice most of the time, but when we are at work functions together, I am overly uncouple-ish (I think it hurts his feelings sometimes, but I'm a manager and I don't want to give the wrong impression. I want to maintain a level of professionalism). And, I don't discuss our relationship even with my friends at work (not just work-friends, but people I would continue to be friends with, even if we no longer worked together).


Any-who, if it doesn't work, it could be uncomfortable, but I think that not knowing would be worse.


-gd



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-gd
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