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XtinaStyles · Marc Jacobs

CoWorker called me a bitch.... what to do?

NCshopper · Hermes

I think I need more info about the interchange. Did he call you a bitch jokingly? What did he say when you asked him if he really did say that? Did you try to laugh it off and continue to joke while he was still around or was he able to see that you were pissed?

Boots · Gucci

Honestly, I'd let it pass. This time. You're right, if you bring it up after the incident, you'll only look like you are festering on it. The focus should be on what an ass he is, not on anything to do with you.

If he tried it again, I'd say in a very clear and loud voice "Excuse me. I really don't think that the word Bitch is appropriate office language. I'm sure you didn't mean it and would like a chance to apologize. Right now." And then wait. If he is at all concerned about his image in the office (and sales guys usually are) he'll apologize and slink off.

XtinaStyles · Marc Jacobs

NCshopper wrote:
I think I need more info about the interchange. Did he call you a bitch jokingly? What did he say when you asked him if he really did say that? Did you try to laugh it off and continue to joke while he was still around or was he able to see that you were pissed?

I'm sure it was a "joke" to him -

After I said I know you didn't say that, the room got dead silent, he didn't say anything. He just went on and changed the subject, and went back to work.

I then tried to remain friendly and not look petty - I know I should have said more at the time but it was like.. I was too embarrassed, like I had done something wrong.

I mean its not a huge deal but still is a deal to me, and I feel like deep down he is insulted because I'm not acting secretary to him and this was his passive aggressive way of getting that out.

NCshopper · Hermes

Okay. Now that I know all of that, I think you've said all you need to say. You expressed that you didn't care for him to call you that and now he knows it. Don't email him, and don't tell your boss for now--I think you're right in that you don't want to come across as petty or that it's letting you bug you. You don't want him to know he's getting to you. But if it happens again, I'd be pretty direct with him so he knows explicitly that he's on thin ice: "Please don't call me a bitch." If it happens again after that, you've established that you've told him outright not to call you that and then you have every reason to go to your boss about it.

kenzie · Chanel

NCshopper wrote:

Okay. Now that I know all of that, I think you've said all you need to say. You expressed that you didn't care for him to call you that and now he knows it. Don't email him, and don't tell your boss for now--I think you're right in that you don't want to come across as petty or that it's letting you bug you. You don't want him to know he's getting to you. But if it happens again, I'd be pretty direct with him so he knows explicitly that he's on thin ice: "Please don't call me a bitch." If it happens again after that, you've established that you've told him outright not to call you that and then you have every reason to go to your boss about it.

Ditto to this. I think you've let him know you don't appreciate it, even if he's joking.

alb · Marc Jacobs

XtinaStyles wrote:

A little more info, this guy is very sarcastic and jokey, pervy and lewd. No one likes him, he's almost twice my age, also is the boss' favorite sales guy, as he always brings in the numbers.

-- Edited by XtinaStyles on Friday 20th of March 2009 10:33:17 AM

i didn't read all the response so sorry if this has already been mentioned. i would just let it go, primarily for this reason (the snipped portion of what you wrote above). he was witnessed saying something extremely inappropriate to you in an office setting - word gets out when things like that happen and HE, NOT YOU, will be the one who will look bad. you want to keep it that way by not creating more drama. imo, you already responded when you said "you didn't say what i think i heard you say" (or whatever it was i'm too lazy to check your exact words), so nothing else is required. also, if news of this gets to your boss maybe he won't be such a favorite any longer. finally, why give him any more satisfaction that it bothered you if he is pervy and lewd - kwim? not worth it imo.

Suasoria · Chanel

If I were in your shoes I wouldn't bring it up with him or his buddy the boss...I'd be passive-aggressive about it and bring it up with everyone else instead. I'd make it a topic of office gossip - when coworkers come back from the event, say "guess what you missed last week?" You may not be the first person he's verbally abused, so that would be one way to find out.

BellinaJessica · Kenneth Cole

I would let it go. He sounds like someone who would go behind your back and get you fired. When it comes down to it, they are not going to let numbers guy go over you.

cahabo · Kate Spade

XtinaStyles wrote:

After I said I know you didn't say that, the room got dead silent, he didn't say anything. He just went on and changed the subject, and went back to work.

Sounds to me like he got the message that he made an unacceptable comment and may have regretted saying it. He was probably even embarrassed himself. I'd say nothing more this time, but if anything like this happens again you should report it.