STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

guzman · Nine West

children! im single, and cant have them...

Suasoria · Chanel

I can't relate, being blissfully childless, but if you are called to be a parent, there are so many children out there already who need someone like you.

You can always cruise single dads at the grocery store...

Kitty · Hermes

can't relate either, I have absolutely 0 desire to have kids.

lynnie · Chanel

You can't have kids ever? Or just right now because of your situation?

Yes, if I found out I physically couldn't have kids, I'd be heartbroken. I'd probably still find a way- adoption or a surrogate or something.

I also have no desire to have kids at the moment though- I'm only 25. But I do wonder... what if I met the right guy... ?? However, due to career reasons and $$$, I'm going to be in my 30's before I feel comfortable starting a family.

BargainQueen · Marc Jacobs

I can sorta relate, but I already have a child. A lot of my friends are having their 2nd baby and I really want to add another child soon but I cant. I cant because I'm still in school, hubby is still out of work, and we need a bigger house and we cant afford one because of the work situation....etc etc. I really shouldnt say "cant" because everything is possible, hubbys mom raised 5 kids on one salary probably way less than mine.

blink · Coach

You are not crazy. I know a lot of women who feel this way, some are single, and some are married. I know of two women who married slightly older and divorced men who already had children with their first wives and now refuse to have any more with their current wife, and the wives are so heartbroken and saddened. Sometimes something that sounds okay when you are in your mid twenties is not what you want by the time you hit your mid thirties. People do change, opinions about children do change. Not for everyone of course, some never want children and stay of that mindset their whole life, but it does happen for some and it's totally natural to feel that way.

Anyway, I have two young boys, so I can't personally relate...but I know that what I have has completely changed my life for the better and I really wish that every woman who wants a child could mother one. So I will wish for you that a child will come into your life in some way so that you can give the love you want to give to one, whether that be as an aunt, a godmother, a mentor, or whatever.

atlgirl · Gucci

I never really wanted any. When I first met my husband (ten years ago), he was the only man I'd dated that I'd consider having kids with, which was a big change...but we still don't have any, and I'm a bit old for it now. And things have happened over the years that led me to believe it would not be the best thing for us. So I'm okay with it. We have two nieces and a nephew we adore (and don't get to see often enough) and that's pretty much it for us.

kenzie · Chanel

Kitty wrote:

can't relate either, I have absolutely 0 desire to have kids.

Ditto. We were on the plane home from San Diego yesterday and there were two infants on the plane. Screaming. I think I have less than zero desire to have kids.

Maybe I'll change my mind when I'm done with grad school, but right now my career, grad school and moving to California are the top priority. SO has 10 nieces and nephews, so we get our fill of kids from them for now.

But, I can see where you would feel the way you feel if that's what you really want. You're definitely not crazy.

-- Edited by kenzie on Wednesday 18th of March 2009 11:55:39 AM

Elle · Hermes

guzman wrote:

nevertheless, i love kids, and am starting to feel like everyone i know is having kids...
its not that i feel like i need them right now, but (knowing that i cant have them)
im kinda jealous/happy/bitter for my friends, all at the same time...am i crazy, or, does anyone else relate?

I feel exactly this way, actually. I don't have a reason to believe I couldn't physically have them and I'm not even sure I want them, but I think everyone should get to make their own decision about having kids, and having it made for you isn't fun any way you slice it. I love babies and kids and am theoretically even in a place where I could have one, and people just don't seem to understand that it's more complicated than that. And that you can want one and not want one at the very same time.

I think it's totally normal to be jealous that someone else has something you don't or can't.

ILoveChoo · Hermes

I can relate... I've been trying to get pregnant for two years with no luck (I have plenty of time and a lot of other stuff going on so I try not to get too upset about it though). I'm happy for my friends, but I'm really jealous too.

nightshade · Nine West

I have never wanted them and am delighted that I didn't have any. My first husband would have been fine either way I decided...however, after we divorced, I met my current DH, and he had two kids, who were living with his ex and just visiting him every other weekend. They were everything I had ever dreaded about children, but my thought was, well I can face four days a month...as soon as we got married, his ex decided that she couldn't handle the kids any more and we ended up with them 24/7/365. God. The happiest day of my life was when they grew up and left home. Which didn't take that long as they were teenagers when they joined us. The worst part was trying to impose some discipline/rules as this was a totally new concept to them. DH was totally useless and just got mad at me when I put my foot down. I'm getting cranky just thinking about it. Sorry for the rant. I hope you are able to realize your dream in some way...

BellinaJessica · Kenneth Cole

kenzie wrote:

Kitty wrote:

can't relate either, I have absolutely 0 desire to have kids.

Ditto. We were on the plane home from San Diego yesterday and there were two infants on the plane. Screaming. I think I have less than zero desire to have kids.
Maybe I'll change my mind when I'm done with grad school, but right now my career, grad school and moving to California are the top priority. SO has 10 nieces and nephews, so we get our fill of kids from them for now.
But, I can see where you would feel the way you feel if that's what you really want. You're definitely not crazy.

-- Edited by kenzie on Wednesday 18th of March 2009 11:55:39 AM

I think everyone on the plane at that moment has less than zero desire to have kids. Including the parents. :p

guzman · Nine West

thanks girls!
i feel so much better knowing im not the only woman on the planet to have such mixed emotions...
to be honest, i never even thought about kids, until all of my friends started to have them!
and to answer lynnies ?'s, yep, im physically unable (horrible endometriosis/scarring, sorry if thats TMI),
im only 28, so i have time to to figure it all out, i think i just really, really, need to get that out!
thanks again, for making me feel "normal"!